Romantic Pegging

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Romantic Pegging

Matheri89 Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife isn't a very dominant person. She prefers (at least in bed) for me to take that role, verbally and in our sex. We want to try this for the sexual pleasure aspect, and slightly for the role reversal. However, most of what you find online is referring to cuckolds, sluts, manpussies, yadda yadda yadda... In other words, demeaning the receiver. That's really not what we want.

What we'd like is to have strap-on sex, enjoy each other, and love each other. (This is not to demean anyone in a d/s relationship, it's just not our thing). Is this unachievable? Does this make sense? Are there any examples of this?

Thanks for any help!
10/24/2010
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ScottA ScottA
I suspect that many of the couples that peg on EF are primarily into it for the more "romantic" ideas of enjoying each other in a different way, however from what I hear most of the commercial stuff is more targeted towards FemDom type scenarios.

I'm not really into the porn part, so can't help you there, but for your questions you can look at several resources to help. Keep in mind that once you get the harness on most of the techniques for anal sex are the same whether it's pegging or not. The big difference is that because you're a man you want to work things so that the dildo stimulates your prostate more, but for the most part I'd say worry about that after you've grown comfortable with the basic techniques of pegging. For books, Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women is an excellent resource, and it has some drawings on positions and the like but it isn't too graphic.

There's a video made by Tristan targeted towards pegging - Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men or similar, and it tends to be not connected with FemDom.

There are several websites that have tips and tricks, and of course you can ask questions here and we'll try to answer them as best we can.

My big recommendation for positions/techniques: Start with one where you can be completely relaxed. Before starting play you can warm up with fingers and the dildo, then put it on her and get in a position where you are relaxed. Use pillows, furniture, whatever you need.
10/24/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
TOTALLY possible. I am not into it for the demeaning aspects that are often portrayed in porn. That would be a huge turn off for me. It FEELS good, it's intimate, takes a huge amount of trust, patience and communication...for that alone it is incredibly romantic to me.
10/24/2010
Matheri89 Matheri89
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
Thanks to both of you!

Scott: Thanks for your recommendations- We've engaged in toy play for prostate stimulation, but placing the emphasis more on hips and less on hands makes us wonder how we can best keep it up. We've looked into Tantus's Bend Over Beginner (Or Intermediate) Kits, as the simple size should allow us the best control. Does that make sense?

Lauren: We don't care much for the demeaning aspects of porn, either, and usually find that it never reflects reality. I agree that trust and communication in a relationship is romantic, and that is one of the primary parts of our sexual relationship.
10/24/2010
oldkinky oldkinky
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
My wife and I love strap on sex for its romantic aspects-don't like the dom stuff. Most of the most DVD'S seem to be centered around the dom aspect. You might try Tristan Taormino's DVD'S. We have watched some of the later Strap It On Series. Some of them are OK.y wife and I love strap on sex-she likes it as much as I do. She gets so hot. She does me about once a week.
10/25/2010
Kindred Kindred
We participate in pegging for the romantic aspect as well. Demeaning would be a turn off for us.

The Bend Over Beginner and Intermediate are good starter harness kits. One thing to consider is that the beginner kit comes with the Silk Small and Medium. The Silk Small really is pretty small and probably won't be very effective for actual pegging because of its length. If you are very new to anal/prostate play, it may be good for starters or warm up, but you will probably outgrow this dildo very quickly. Of the two, I would say the Intermediate is probably a better choice, but again that is based more on your experience and comfort level.

Another good choice to consider would be the Curve Kit. It uses the Tantus Curve dildo which is excellent for pegging and will probably last a long time.

ScottA has made some great recommendations for you. I might also add that if your wife is more comfortable as the submissive role but is willing to try pegging, you could try it with you on top and her either sitting or laying down. That way you have control of the penetration. Additionally, if you're ridding cowgirl, she has full access to your penis at the same time. Good stuff!

Good luck and feel free to ask questions pf the community. We're here to try and help as much as we can.
10/25/2010
Liz2 Liz2
We both love strap-on play. My partner never feels demeaned in any way. Sometimes he pulls out a harness for me, chooses a dil, and even lubes it.
Tristan's tips can be helpful but I don't think its the mechanics so much as the mindset.
10/25/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
We both love strap-on play. My partner never feels demeaned in any way. Sometimes he pulls out a harness for me, chooses a dil, and even lubes it.
Tristan's tips can be helpful but I don't think its the mechanics so much as the mindset.
I think that Matheri89 isn't concerned about pegging being inherently demeaning to the male, but just expressing frustration that it is so often portrayed that way.
10/25/2010
Matheri89 Matheri89
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and advice!
10/25/2010
Spilock Spilock
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
Thanks to both of you!

Scott: Thanks for your recommendations- We've engaged in toy play for prostate stimulation, but placing the emphasis more on hips and less on hands makes us wonder how we can best keep it up. We've looked ...
You've said that you've engaged in toy play prior, so I'm going to assume that you're fairly experienced back there already. In that case, skip the Bend Over Beginner kit and go straight to the Intermediate set. I have the Beginner kit and the small one is definitely too small, though the primary reason we got that was for possible future explorations of dp.

I would definitely skip the videos and simply get books if you're looking for instructional resources. That said, experimenting to find the most romantic and effective position is part of the fun!
10/31/2010
MeliPixie MeliPixie
If all you want to do is explore one another in a newly reversed role, then put away the books and computers, pick up your dildo (and harness if it's required) and just experiment a little at first. This is a wonderful experience, emotionally as well as physically... Don't let anyone else's "version" of it form yours before you can even start! All the best.
11/23/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
If all you want to do is explore one another in a newly reversed role, then put away the books and computers, pick up your dildo (and harness if it's required) and just experiment a little at first. This is a wonderful experience, emotionally as ...
I would advise the woman to try out her dildo/harness on her own a bit first, so she's comfortable with how it works on her before she brings a partner into the equation.
11/23/2010
Beaners Beaners
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
I would advise the woman to try out her dildo/harness on her own a bit first, so she's comfortable with how it works on her before she brings a partner into the equation.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. Before my boyfriend and I used our harness for the first time, I whipped it out while he wasn't home and just played around with it. Figured out how the dildo went in it, I got it positioned right, I rocked back and forth on my heels to get comfortable with the weight of it, put some lube on the dildo and rubbed it, looked at myself in the mirror, etc etc. After that, it was a lot easier to really spoil my boy with it, instead of just going off of the rough stuff I had seen in porn.
12/02/2010
TheArchitect TheArchitect
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
Curious to know how this turned out? We're in the same boat. Thanks.
07/02/2011
Alex Time Alex Time
Rough and demeaning stuff can work for some but it does not work for us. The whole point is to try and please your partner in new ways. We've been enjoying pegging for a while but it was quite a journey.

Tristan's guide to anal pleasure for men was great. The sex scenes are good too - though it does show rimming... for a less dominant woman that might not interest her at all.

Anyway, I'm also exploring the porn side and only seem to fin the fem-dom stuff... eek! If my gf spoke to me like that I might have to curl into a little ball and cry!

Good luck!
06/09/2012
Liberalqueer Liberalqueer
My partner and I keep it very romantic, as we do most of the time with our sex. If you lie on your back and have sex missionary style with her on top, it honestly shouldn't be very difficult. And it is beyond nice, coming from the female's point of view, to be able to watch my partner when we do this. Making eye contact, being able to kiss, and just whisper to each other is amazing and beyond romantic.
So yes, it is 100% possible! (:
07/04/2012
Nice to Eat you Nice to Eat you
excellent advice
09/13/2012
bunny love bunny love
I'm always very gentle and loving when I do anything with my boyfriend's butt. I definitely try to make the experience as relaxing, comforting, and loving as possible. Once we get warmed up, I'll usually speed up and sometimes get a bit rougher IF and ONLY IF he wants that.

You can make pegging whatever you want. I love giving my boyfriend gentle kisses all over his back. I'll rub his shoulders and run my hands up and down his body.

I also highly recommend the Tristan Taromino videos about anal sex and pegging for men. My boyfriend and I had fun watching them together even after we had tried pegging a few times. It brought us closer just by chatting about what we saw and what we liked.
09/14/2012
Fawkes Fawkes
I can't recommend any porn for you, but I want to assure you that it could be the sweetest and most intimate thing if that is what you want it to be. You make up the rules as you go along b/c they work fr you. Porn is made for profit, not everyone
12/05/2012
hanjonatan hanjonatan
this post makes me so sad. of course it's possible for your wife to penetrate you without part of the "fun" being that it's degrading for you, or without a dynamic where she dominates you. it's just penetration; what you're really asking is "is it possible to have penetrative sex where the person who penetrates does not dominate the person being penetrated".

and that just bums me out, you know? the answer to that should be obvious.
12/05/2012
MrWill MrWill
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
It's fairly simple really... you do it your way. Just because the majority of porn shows women reaming manpussies and making them beg for it doesn't mean you have to.

You can just as easily have loving anal sex. It's up to you if you want her slapping you and calling you names while she fucks you, or if you want her to be kind, passionate and attentive.

If you are really worried about it being too demeaning, consider doing it on your back. This way, she can stroke you as she thrusts and you can also see the expressions on each others faces.

There doesn't always have to be a verbal exchange to let your partner know how something feels, or that you want more of this and less of that.

It can definitely be a very sensual exchange, but at the same time it can be degrading.. it all depends on how you approach it.

Example:
Someone is passionately performing cunnilingus on their partner, and all you hear is moans of ecstasy and oh baby oh baby.
Very "tender and loving"

Someone is eating pussy when they are thrown on their back and held down while it is smeared in their face, and called all sorts of names while the dominant partner insults them for being inadequate.
Can be very demeaning, or exciting depending on your tastes.

Do it the way it works for you. No one outside your sex life should ever have any influence or control on what you do with your partner. If you wanna dry hump on the kitchen floor while eating PB&J sandwiches and singing campfire songs... Do it. Do what you have to for you and your partner to enjoy something.

You are always in control of your experience. You can always stop what is happening if it isn't for you. If it doesn't stop when you ask for it to, you are being raped. NEVER forget that.
12/05/2012
Robespierrethecat Robespierrethecat
It can completely be a thing!

A good position for that would be if you were on top of your wife and were in charge of how fast things went. You two could kiss and hold each other and it would be a lot more romantic than doggie style.
12/06/2012
LadyRelentless LadyRelentless
I mean, say you're into regular old penis-vagina sex. You want to do it with your lover! so you look up online people having sex. YIKES! that's not the sort of sex I have!

Tons of "straight" porn, not billed as having anything to do with Ds sorts of things calls the ladies sluts and other super degrading things.

(not sayin' there's anything wrong with wanting to be called a slut or nothin, just sayin it doesn't have to be the standard)

I mean, most porn seems super degrading to one party or the other, but sex totally doesn't have to be like that! we all know that!

Any sex can be loving or degrading, depending on what your into.

-----

(but if anyone happens to know where to find good pegging porn that isn't degrading, I'd love that tip too)
12/11/2012
Mikemanz Mikemanz
some good couple videos are available at this site: Link. You just have to search for "strapon" or something similar and look through the videos. you CAN find the type i think you are looking for
12/11/2012
hpnotiqserenity hpnotiqserenity
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
here is some non-degrading pegging stuff. the first video in particular is great

link
12/13/2012
hpnotiqserenity hpnotiqserenity
this is also good

link

link

and this link

and this (complete with cheesy romantic music) link
12/13/2012
shnsmth6 shnsmth6
Quote:
Originally posted by Matheri89
So, my wife and I have discussed pegging. It's quite a desire for me, and something she's willing to try. We've decided to look at porn (amateur mostly) for positions, techniques, etc., which is where our dilemma come in.

My wife ...
she is very respectful, and careful with me.
12/27/2012
spiced spiced
We actually like it better when she takes a very dominant role while pegging me. Lots of hair-pulling, shit-talking, choking and ass-smacking (all the things she enjoys for me to do to her when she's on the receiving end).

But there's probably a different way of doing it for every couple. Just go with what you enjoy.

As for porn, we got some ideas from porn but we've found we don't enjoy it that much anymore. There is so little imagination. When we do watch it, it's usually with the sound OFF. SOOOOO much better that way!
01/02/2013
playsalot playsalot
Quote:
Originally posted by spiced
We actually like it better when she takes a very dominant role while pegging me. Lots of hair-pulling, shit-talking, choking and ass-smacking (all the things she enjoys for me to do to her when she's on the receiving end).

But there's ...
My favorite posision when getting pegged is being on top and leaning forward into her while she thrusts into me. I have gotten off from this position a couple of times without much penis stimulation.
01/20/2013
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 24