Go fuck yourself, with Chuck Norris…

Gary Gary
I’m almost always in a stupid mood, and just about everything makes me think of something pointless, so tonight will be no different.

As I was reading through some reviews and forum threads, I started thinking about how funny celebrity toy endorsements could be. Yes, I know that porn celebrities already do this but I was thinking about non-XXX celebrities. My first candidate for celebrity endorsement is Chuck -mother fucking- Norris!

I know that, for a while now, people have been sharing all of the “facts” about him on the internet with each other link , and that alone is a great reason to nominate him for such a position, but the reason I am choosing him is because of his 1980 classic, The Octagon. The Octagon is truly one of the most important films ever made and it has everything: Chuck Norris, ninjas, car chases, romance, revenge, and more Chuck Norris.

In honor of this movie, the first toy in the Chuck Norris line will be called ‘The Octagon’. It will be an eight-sided dildo that has a secret knife hidden in the handle. On the head of the dildo, there will be a pair of sunglasses and a moustache - which will be the brand signature for all Chuck Norris sex toys.

The next toy in the Chuck Norris line will be called ‘Missing In Action’. It will be very similar to The Octagon but it will be a round camouflage dildo.

The ‘Missing In Action II’ dildo will be identical to the original M.I.A. but it will have a dead rat in the mouth, underneath the product’s signature mustache.

The ‘Force of One’ will be a penis sleeve that turns into a dildo, and can fuck itself.

‘Code of Silence’ = ball gag. Duh.

And finally, ‘The Hand of God’, a fisting dildo molded from the most powerful force in all creation, Chuck Norris’s fist.

Hopefully someone will shamelessly steal all my wonderful ideas listed here and we’ll be seeing these toys hot off the assembly lines from China in a matter of months. Sweet!

In closing, just remember that when the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
01/30/2009
  • Weekly Special; Buy 1 Vibe, get 1 FREE
  • Save 15% on Luxury Brands
  • Annual Clearance - Save 30%
  • Buy Cascade vibe and save 50% on lubricants!
  • Save 20% on self-lubricating Cascade vibe and sleeve kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
I’m almost always in a stupid mood, and just about everything makes me think of something pointless, so tonight will be no different.

As I was reading through some reviews and forum threads, I started thinking about how funny celebrity toy ... More
You just made my night with this post, Yeti.

Now I can go to bed happy.
01/30/2009
Betty Rocket Betty Rocket
HELL YAH!!!

I want a Chuck Norris dildo.

There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
01/31/2009
Oggins Oggins
The only thing that would make this any sweeter is if they could be attached to the "Total gym!" Now that would be a total workout! =P
01/31/2009
Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady Not Here Anymore f/k/a Happy Lady
I'd love a Total Gym. I'm not sure I'd use it for working out...but it looks like grand fun for sexual adventures.
01/31/2009
Gary Gary
The symbol for Chuck Norris in sign language is the middle finger on fire.
02/03/2009
Sammi Sammi
I love Chuck .

I think the combination of the 2 (dildo and Total Gym) would be great for some hentai fantasies...
02/03/2009
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 6