Do/did you have "helicopter parents" ?

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Do/did you have "helicopter parents" ?

spiced spiced
I've been reading a lot about how intrusive/involved parents are in their kids lives today. My parents were stricter than most of my friends' parents, but they were still mostly hands-off. For some examples, they sent me on a 500 mile bus trip, by myself, to visit relatives when I was 12. My mom stumbled across my porn stash when I was 15 and merely asked that I hide it better. After I left for college, I usually spoke to them less than once a week for the rest of their lives. I'm curious to know what your parents are/were like.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I'm under 30 and my parents are/were not involved in my day to day life much at all.
4  (7%)
I'm under 30 and my parents are/were somewhat involved in my day to day life.
20  (36%)
I'm under 30 and my parents are/were very involved in my day to day life.
12  (21%)
I'm under 30 and my parents are excessively involved in my day to day life.
3  (5%)
I'm over 30 and my parents are/were not involved in my day to day life much at all.
10  (18%)
I'm over 30 and my parents are/were somewhat involved in my day to day life.
6  (11%)
I'm over 30 and my parents are/were very involved in my day to day life.
1  (2%)
I'm over 30 and my parents are/were excessively involved in my day to day life.
Total votes: 56
Poll is closed
12/30/2012
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kdlt kdlt
Personally, I've always liked having somewhat involved parents. I like the support system and closeness of it.
12/30/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by spiced
I've been reading a lot about how intrusive/involved parents are in their kids lives today. My parents were stricter than most of my friends' parents, but they were still mostly hands-off. For some examples, they sent me on a 500 mile bus ...
Well, for one thing, there is a really big difference between being intrusive and involved. There isn't anything wrong with being involved in your kid's lives. I mean, that is what a parent's job is, to be involved. I think it'd kind of be neglect if you were not involved in your kid's life. However, intrusive -- not usually a good thing.

I'm 22 and my parents were not absent in the least while I was growing up, but they were far from intrusive. I had my privacy always. My mom believed strongly in that. We always had privacy. She felt that people did not go uninvited into someone else's space. She wouldn't have loved us going and digging through her bedroom as kids, and she never did it to us (me and my sister) growing up. Same when it came to our lives outside the home -- our lives with friends. There's not really much else besides school and friends and parties when you're a kid, but my parents were careful about who I left with. I mean, they wouldn't approve of me leaving with a strange male or spending the night with random guys, but they never really kept me cooped up and all. They let us go out and do plenty, but we were raised with respect -- for ourselves and others. We just knew better than to do anything too f'd up, ya know? That, I think was probably one of the most important things I've taken from them -- respect for myself and others. Morals and values too.

They never had to helicopter me or my sister. We were able to go and do and have fun, but they made sure we knew better than to do certain things. Not that that stopped us from experimenting, but there was always an invisible line.

I could not imagine not ever speaking to my parents. They are amazing people and I'd never abandon them. I see them daily and wouldn't ever want to fade away and not have such a great relationship with them. My parents are actually 2 of my favorite people. Me and my partner spend a lot of time with our families and we love it.

My parent's weren't careless, but they were easy going. They were at home with us most evenings and always cared about what was going on with us, what we were up to and so on. We had a good relationship though. We could openly talk, laugh and have a good time. No fear and intimidation or snooping and being a "helicopter." Lol.
12/30/2012
Living Doll Living Doll
I'm 26. My mom is insanely clingy and my dad is a psychotic, control freak malignant narcissist I'm in the process of going no contact with.
12/30/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
I've heard of them and it sounds pretty sad some of the stories I hear. Children get too much attention these days and are over protected.
12/30/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I'm 28. My mom was and is very involved in my life. She was definitely guilty of being a helicopter mom sometimes. However, my dad was an abusive ass which fueled her overcompensating for him. I was also a tough kid to raise, so I can't fault her for helicopter-ing.

Now that I have a kid, I'm awful at being a helicopter mom. If we go anywhere outside the house I hover over him like mad. I'm a paranoid person and I worry so much that something might happen to him. I try to back up enough to let him learn his own life lessons, but it's hard to do. Walking the line between being an active parent and one that hovers too much isn't the easiest task to manage.
12/30/2012
amazon amazon
Helicopter parenting is ridiculous. Get a life (your own)!
12/30/2012
Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
My parents are nuts, so I sort of stay away from them
12/30/2012
Cat E. Cat E.
I'm over 30 and growing up, my parents weren't intrusive in my life at all, ever.
12/30/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
Nope
12/30/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by spiced
I've been reading a lot about how intrusive/involved parents are in their kids lives today. My parents were stricter than most of my friends' parents, but they were still mostly hands-off. For some examples, they sent me on a 500 mile bus ...
I have a helicopter mom...3000 times worse since I had my daughter.
12/30/2012
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I am so glad that I grew up before the concept even existed. Parents could be meddlesome - but that was a different kind of involvement.

I was given the space to make mistakes and learn on my own.
12/30/2012
js250 js250
I am over 30--no parental guidance since I moved out at 15.
12/30/2012
h3artsav3r h3artsav3r
I'm 23, and my parents were somewhat involved in my life.
12/30/2012
SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
I am 30, and my parents were controlling, but not helicopter parents. They rarely saw/spoke to my teachers, rarely attended school events, and had little interest in my friends or my emotional health. That being said, they didn't like me to do any extracurricular activities, fought me when I was applying for financial aid for college, grounded me a week for every minute I was late (even if I was just down the street), and had me write hundreds and sometimes thousands of multiplication problems if I did something they didn't like. They were extremely strict and a toe out of line had serious consequences. Being controlling is not quite the same as being a helicopter parent.
12/30/2012
butts butts
I was a pretty independent kid and my parents left me alone a lot, I'm glad. They didn't bother me a lot and I was free to come and go as I pleased, I'd often leave for days without contacting them and as long as I sent a text saying I was ok, they didn't care. I'm thankful, my mother was NOT a great mom and I can't imagine how much more messed up I'd be if she was more invasive while I was growing up. Now we only really talk around holidays/birthdays, I moved out about 5 years ago. My partner's parents were the opposite, it's terrifying to hear his stories and see the issues he's developed because of them.
12/30/2012
sexxxkitten sexxxkitten
My parents aren't clingy, but they are definitely involved in my life. I like them more as I get older.
12/30/2012
ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
It definitely seems to me like parents are more involved now than they were when I was a kid. As a parent of two elementary-age boys, I find it difficult to find that 'happy medium' as a parent now, especially when so many parents (in my opinion) go way overboard.
12/30/2012
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I hear from my mom here and there, but not on a daily basis. I would say that I'm under 30 and she's somewhat involved in my daily life.
12/30/2012
TheirPet TheirPet
My mother thought she could still uphold a curfew of 10 pm when I returned home for a visit at the age of 23 (after living in a different country by myself for two years.)
12/30/2012
Voir Voir
I'm 20, my parents are pretty involved in my life - in matters such as school, possible career choices etc. because I choose to discuss this with them -shrug- Things that could help me later in life we've always been really close about - more private things? If I chose to share it was my decision. Other things they became involved in or asked about out of concern but otherwise no they didn't impose themselves on top of my life.

I help my dad care for my mom, a surgeon put her in a wheelchair so that kind of keeps me tied rather tightly into their lives.

I do know a girl whose mom went so far as to substitute at the school (when she was in highschool) just to keep an eye on her daughter and otherwise still treats the girl as though she's 15.
12/30/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I'm 35 and my mother turned into one when I came back home and separated from my husband. She couldn't work anymore and she wasn't prepared for not working in her old age, so she turned into a Jewish Mother and hasn't let me have any peace since. I am counting the days until I can get work so I can move out.

She was actually pretty cool when I was younger - she worked nights and trusted me to behave (which I did).

My dad's definitely more laid-back with his parenting style. He's appalled with her treating me like a teenager that needs to be grounded for spending entire weekends with my boyfriend and needing to know wherever I'm going and for how long. *facepalm*
12/30/2012
Taylor Taylor
Well I was raised by my single dad who worked a lot, so he was pretty lax with me. There's just not enough hours in the day to run a buisiness and hover over your kid.
12/30/2012
spiced spiced
I should have worded my intro more carefully. I didn't mean to imply that being involved was necessarily the same as being intrusive. It sounds as if a lot of parents struck the right balance.

As for my own experience, my mom was somewhat involved and not intrusive. She was always available and I probably should have relied on her more. My dad was way too involved in his own activities to be much involved in my life (or my mom's for that matter). Maddeningly, he did try to intrude a bit in my personal business and he frequently tried to control my choices. But since I wasn't depending on him financially, I just blew him off. I'd say I was going to do what he wanted--and then I just did whatever I wanted.

I was a classic GenX "latchkey kid". Both my parents worked most of the time when I was growing up, so I learned to take care of myself from an early age. I started working at age 14 and never looked back. I bought most of my own clothes, bought my own car at 16 and worked my way through college with very little support (advice, money or even emotional/moral) from my parents. Whenever I had to depend on them for something, like filling out the financial aid forms for college, it was stressful. I had to watch them carefully to make sure they didn't screw anything up.

I did love them and I know they loved me. I helped my mom look after my dad when he fell ill, and after he died, I helped look after my mom for the rest of her life. I wish they were still around. Keep in mind when I say I usually talked to them once a week or less, that this was mostly before most people had cellphones. I had friends who spoke to their parents maybe once a month or only saw them at holidays (or almost never).

I think I would have made fewer mistakes if my parents had been more involved in my life. But I would be a very different person and I like being the stubbornly independent bastard I am!

I'm enjoying hearing about everybody else's parents. A lot of great stories so far!
12/31/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
I have a 21 year old and a 16 year old that I am very much so involved in the day to day life. We eat together at the table as least 2-3 times per week. I also either call them to say goodnight when I am working nights or kiss them good bye when I go to work at at bedtime. I tell them that I love them everyday!!
12/31/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
My parents aren't that involved in my life unless I want them to be. We set clear limits and they made it clear that my major life decisions were mine, so they could only offer advice I didn't have to take.
12/31/2012
Vanille Vanille
Quote:
Originally posted by spiced
I've been reading a lot about how intrusive/involved parents are in their kids lives today. My parents were stricter than most of my friends' parents, but they were still mostly hands-off. For some examples, they sent me on a 500 mile bus ...
My mother is very helicopter. Still is. I'm the youngest of two (my half-brother is 34) and also the female. Luckily my dad isn't as hover-y but my mother is really bad.
12/31/2012
Andrey2052 Andrey2052
I'm under 30 and my parents are/were somewhat involved in my day to day life.
12/31/2012
KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Under 30, and my mom usually had work by the time I was out of school for the day so she was sort of in the middle.
She wasn't too overprotective, but she did make the time we got together count. =)
It probably helps that I don't mind her being a little "helecopterish" at times. I figure she's just looking out for me, she always was a very caring parent.
01/01/2013
Real or memorex Real or memorex
My parents were involved, but also realized the importance of kids learning independence and making their own mistakes.
01/01/2013
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Total posts: 35
Unique posters: 34