What am I going to do? I am going to lose my Dad any day now....

js250 js250
My dad has always been the one person in my life that has had my back--that I could always count on--that will always be there to help. He has a deadly virus again (C-Dif), 4th time in two months. They are doing major surgery today, Dr. doesn't know if he is strong enough to make it through surgery. My dad is so weak he cannot walk, hasn't been able to eat and is in serious shape--hospitalized again for third time in two months. I am going to lose him and I don't think I can handle it. I thought we had more time, we need more time!!

If you have any advice--please!! I do not know what I am going to do or how to handle this. He has been my rock-even when we were not real close, he was always there. I have always been there for him too and now there isn't a damn thing I can do for him!!!

Thank you in advance for your support/advice/help!!! Eden has become my escape--my stress free zone.
05/14/2012
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aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My dad has always been the one person in my life that has had my back--that I could always count on--that will always be there to help. He has a deadly virus again (C-Dif), 4th time in two months. They are doing major surgery today, Dr. doesn't ... More
my heart goes out to you in this incredibly challenging time. i'm glad you feel safe to share these thoughts with us here on EF. we are always here for you.

i will turn to what has helped me through many things in life, and that is the philosophy that everything changes - nothing, good nor bad in this life is permanent. the beautiful things will end - we must accept their ending. the ugly things will end - we must patiently wait for them to pass.

this is the way of the world. all we have is this very moment. we do not have yesterday, it is gone. tomorrow will come no matter what we do. all we can do is embrace what we have - this very moment.


all one can do is let your father know how much he's meant to you in the time that you have left. hold on to the ones you have near to you for support - they will help you through this difficult time. and one day they too will be gone. and you as well.

none of us are getting out of here alive. but while we are here we can certainly make the best of it.

i am sending you a hug. i hope you can feel it.
05/14/2012
Peggi Peggi
Oh, hun, I can't even begin to tell you how terrible I feel for you. I wish him the very best in his time of need and my heart also goes out to you as well and your families. I also love my father and he's always been there for me, even when I didn't need/want him to, and the thought of losing him is very scary, so I can only imagine how you are feeling, but just be there for him and please let us know how things go, when you are able! I know we will all be keeping positive hope for him through this ordeal!
05/14/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Pray, honey. It may not seem like much, but they do hear when we think they can't. Give all your love in those prayers to him.

*tight-tight hugs*
05/14/2012
Terri69 Terri69
I'm so sorry, I will keep you in my prayers. June 14th (Flag Day) will be 8 years since my Dad passed away. I hate Flag Day.
05/14/2012
Beck Beck
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts go out to you.
05/14/2012
BG529 BG529
I'm so sorry to hear this. I've never lost a parent or a sibling so I can't imagine your feelings. but my thoughts and prayers are with you. and I'm a great listner if you need anything
05/14/2012
Ansley Ansley
Now's the time to say the things you've always needed to say to each other. I'm so sorry that it's happening so much faster than you and your family anticipated. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm here for you if you need an ear to bend.
05/14/2012
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
I don't really have any advice for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts. That sounds really awful, and I can't even imagine how difficult this is for you and your family.
05/14/2012
js250 js250
***aliceinthehole- Thank you for the hug. I have read your post three times, memorizing your message. Putting it in practice will be the hard part.

***peggi- Thank you so much, I am scared.

***chillipepper- I needed that hug, thanks!!

***terri69- I appreciate the prayers and am so sorry about your dad.

***beck- Thanks a bunch!!

***sweetbekki89- Thanks for the prayers, I will remember that if I need someone to talk to.

***Stormy- Thanks for the hug and advice. I am writing him a letter and giving it to him in a couple hours. Hopefully he can still read it. I will remember that-I am sure I will at some point.

***Femme Mystique- Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

FOR THE PERSON WHO LEFT ME THE RUDE, HURTFUL AND THREATENING MESSAGE:
Do not message me again. Your rude, threatening and angry message is uncalled for and illegal, you have no idea who my father and I are. Your message has been passed on to the administrators.
05/14/2012
VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
This is a hard, hard time. I'm very sorry, and you're in my thoughts. Remember that all those times he was there for you, he was giving you strength that you can use to be there for yourself. The people in our lives leave us with everything they've taught us and all the memories. In a way, he'll always be there for you.
05/14/2012
31 Flavors 31 Flavors
I'm so sorry. Hang on to your wonderful memories with him.
05/14/2012
bayosgirl bayosgirl
I'm so sorry about your dad. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now.
05/14/2012
mpfm mpfm
I am so sorry. I'm sending hugs and prayers your way.
05/14/2012
Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
***aliceinthehole- Thank you for the hug. I have read your post three times, memorizing your message. Putting it in practice will be the hard part.

***peggi- Thank you so much, I am scared.

***chillipepper- I needed that hug, ... More
Oh my gosh someone sent you something negative?!?

You don't need that

WE are here for you!!!
05/14/2012
Gracie Gracie
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My dad has always been the one person in my life that has had my back--that I could always count on--that will always be there to help. He has a deadly virus again (C-Dif), 4th time in two months. They are doing major surgery today, Dr. doesn't ... More
I am so sorry to hear about this!!!!! My parents are aging and have had many health struggles including a bout of c-dif for my mom! THis set off a cascade of events that had her hospitalized for weeks and then in a nursing home for several months. But greatfully they are still with us! I have no great advice. I can only imagine how scared and sad you feel!!! Your EF family does care! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!!!! Sending love and hugs!
05/14/2012
indiglo indiglo
I am so sorry to hear that. ((((( BIG HUGS ))))) going out to you!

I was going to say the same thing Stormy said, be sure to say all those things you've always wished you said. Beyond that, just be gentle with yourself. Try to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you, and who will support you.

I have often found some of the coping statements in these articles really helpful. When I've found myself facing an impending loss that I knew was going to be tough, I've often found myself saying "I'm going to be devastated", "I can't stand this", or "I don't think I'll be able to take this."

So trying to find more reality-based statements has been really helpful for me personally in those moments. I'll try to switch my statements to "This is going to be really hard, but I'll be ok again eventually", "It's ok for me to cry a lot and be really sad, but it's also ok for me to eventually heal and feel better" or "I can stand this, and even though I don't like it I will survive it."

For me, sometimes just the change in my self-talk and focus is enough to lift some of the heavy burden off my shoulders just a little bit. I don't know if that will help you or not, but I wanted to share it with you.

You and your family will be in my thoughts during this difficult time.
05/14/2012
wrmbreze wrmbreze
I honestly can't think of anything that hasn't already been said, just know you're in my prayers.
05/14/2012
Buttercup Green Buttercup Green
I have never been close to my dad for numerous reasons, but I have people in my life that I don't know what I would do without them. I hope that he pulls through surgery long enough for you to at least say your goodbyes.
I am so very sorry, and my thoughts and prayers definitely go out to you, your father, and the rest of your family.
If he does pass, I highly suggest you throw yourself into something that will consume your time. That way you don't have the time to think about it.
I sincerely hopes he gets better though.
other than offering these tiny bits of advice and thoughts, I have nothing to give you but my prayers. I am so sorry. Things will look better one day.
05/14/2012
Rossie Rossie
So sorry about your dad, and also for you going through all this. My dad passed many years ago, and I've lost my older sister to Pancreatic cancer only a few months ago, so I know exactly how you feel right now. Like Jessica said, hopefully he'll pull through surgery long enough so you and your family get to say your goodbyes to him. I'm not trying to be heartless, if he cannot make it through, try to think of it in a positive way, he doesn't have to suffer from all the things you've mentioned anymore; I see that as a relieve for him, although it will be hard on you and your family to endure. I'll keep you in my prayers.
05/14/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
I kind of know what you're going through - my dad's liver is failing, and though he's not terminal yet (and, with any luck, will be on the transplant list soon), watching him get weaker and weaker over the last year or so has been hard.

I'm no good with offering advice for stuff like this, but I can offer up some web-hugs. Know that we're here for you, okay?
05/14/2012
mlmac mlmac
So sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing well. What you are going through is something that none else can imagine only because it's your feelings for the love of your dad.
Hang in there and hopefully there may be a very positive result in this situation. My prayers are with you.
05/14/2012
Taylor Taylor
I'm so sorry you, your dad, and the rest of your family is going through a difficult time. I'll send some positive thoughts your way. You know you have friends here if you need someplace to vent.
05/14/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
***aliceinthehole- Thank you for the hug. I have read your post three times, memorizing your message. Putting it in practice will be the hard part.

***peggi- Thank you so much, I am scared.

***chillipepper- I needed that hug, ... More
Awe, I'm sorry someone sent you something in sensitive. If you need to vent We are here for you. That is really awful and I'm glad you sent administration a message. How RUDE!
05/14/2012
Allison.Wilder Allison.Wilder
I'm a TMA and I work in a nursing home and I just want to say that C-Diff is treatable, it's totally awful and it'll make your dad miserable, but with a variety of treatments (and there will be trial and error) it can be resolved. I don't know your dads case, obviously, but I just wanted to give you a little hope to hold on to. C-Difficile doesn't necessarily mean a life sentence.

I'm so glad you feel comfortable sharing this with us. If you ever need to talk to someone or at someone, my inbox is always open. I'm a wealth of knowledge concerning nursing homes and all sorts of elderly-type illnesses.

*hugs times a million*
05/14/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
My heart goes out to you, I'm keeping you all in my prayers.
05/14/2012
richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My dad has always been the one person in my life that has had my back--that I could always count on--that will always be there to help. He has a deadly virus again (C-Dif), 4th time in two months. They are doing major surgery today, Dr. doesn't ... More
sorry to hear this
05/17/2012
Sangsara Sangsara
wow I am in the same boat. My dad and I were close for the first two decades of my life. After the age of 7 I lived with him for a week on and then a week off (with my mom). In my entire life I think he's been angry with me a total of 4 times and they were well deserved. We didn't fight and our only arguments were objective. My mom and I , on the other hand, had a volatile relationship but my dad was always there. I never felt the need to hide the facts of my life and my activities- though of course I was usually 100% appropriate about the details. Anyway in my 20's I battled serious drug addiction and lost pretty much all contact with my family because I was bent on destroying myself. In 2006 I got clean and was welcomed back into my family but later that year my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. It's been 6 years. last summer our hopes were high. The doctors said 10 more years was possible. In the last month thats all changed. I'm going back home on sunday and may be there till the end. I'm beating myself up that I lost so much time with him, especially now that he's losing interest in communicating with anyone.
My heart (or what I have to spare) goes out to you in your time of need and I would love some support from you guys at eden. This has been my place of 'refuge' in the last couple of months, keeping my mind from sinking into a deep depression at least for now, while he's still alive.
I don't know much about the disease your dad has but if he's lucid, use all the time you have together and make sure that you have support. My dads cancer has taken most of his liver, his colon,his abdomen and now its on to his lungs. I am going to spend as much time with him as I can but its tough because he has so little energy and I'm the kind of person that people like in small doses.
take care and do you give condolences while someone is still alive? I'm not sure. Is getting a memorial tattoo weird if they're still alive? not sure but tons of hugs and stay connected!
05/17/2012
Gracie Gracie
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My dad has always been the one person in my life that has had my back--that I could always count on--that will always be there to help. He has a deadly virus again (C-Dif), 4th time in two months. They are doing major surgery today, Dr. doesn't ... More
It's been a few days, I know I'd like an update. We havent forgotten about you! Sending fresh hugs!
05/17/2012
js250 js250
UPDATE--

Thank you all so very much for your concern and support!! I do not know how I would have been able to cope without the personal messages, posts and prayers or thoughts. You all saved my sanity and made me feel less alone and gave me the strength to cope.

My Dad had his surgery and is in critical but stable condition. He is tougher than anyone gave him credit for--good thing!! He will need to go to a nursing home when he is able to leave the hospital and from there??? He is still very fragile and every day is still a blessing that cannot be counted on or taken for granted.

I can still lose him at any time, however I have become able to accept that. I still do not know how I can deal with it when it happens...but one day at a time. Acceptance of the fact that he will not always be around is difficult but necessary.

Thank you to all of you--you are very special people and for you to offer this much care and support is above and beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Thank you!!!
05/24/2012
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