We dated for almost 2 years, including a 5 month engagement.
How long would you date someone before you got married?
10/19/2010
I think I heard on the radio a while ago that the average couple gets engaged after three years and a couple months. That's not to say that's my opinion of course. I think if a couple is committed to each other and they want to get married, and it's reasonable for them to do so financially, then they should. If that means they wait an unusual amount of time then that's fine, too. My brother has been with his girlfriend for more than six years and they've talked about getting married before but she's making him wait until he has a job and they have decent health insurance. I don't like her very much but at least she's practical
10/21/2010
I don't know that I have a certain number it must be... but I know that, say... a week is not enough.
Its so easy to fall in love, and so easy to find out later that you overlooked a lot of the other persons faults. It takes time to get to really know each other and how compatible they will be to live with.
Its so easy to fall in love, and so easy to find out later that you overlooked a lot of the other persons faults. It takes time to get to really know each other and how compatible they will be to live with.
10/21/2010
This is a tough one. I haven't been married enough (never) to know when the optimal time is to get married. My mother's been married 8 times - maybe she knows.
I don't know if there are any assurances to be had by waiting, say, 2 years versus 1 year or 1 year versus 6 months - if you're not capable of maintaining a long-term committed relationship, then your time frame for marriage isn't going to increase your chances of staying together.
Frankly, I'm more of an expert on NOT getting married - and I suspect that if a couple is together for 2 or 3 years and aren't talking marriage, it ain't gonna happen.
I've been strung along before - and I've decided that if marriage isn't on the table after a couple years, I'm out. I'm not interested in having a life-long boyfriend.
I don't know if there are any assurances to be had by waiting, say, 2 years versus 1 year or 1 year versus 6 months - if you're not capable of maintaining a long-term committed relationship, then your time frame for marriage isn't going to increase your chances of staying together.
Frankly, I'm more of an expert on NOT getting married - and I suspect that if a couple is together for 2 or 3 years and aren't talking marriage, it ain't gonna happen.
I've been strung along before - and I've decided that if marriage isn't on the table after a couple years, I'm out. I'm not interested in having a life-long boyfriend.
10/22/2010
Quote:
There's no hard evidence that living with someone helps or hurts a marriage but I personally feel that living with someone imitates marriage in a way that can make people think it's okay to leave commitment. I didn't word that very well. I guess it comes down to "Oh, I live with you but don't like it so I'm just going to walk out" and that attitude can transfer over to marriage--which I do not believe is okay to leave/walk out on/end.
Originally posted by
Lily Night
My mom always said that I shouldn't move in with a guy because he'd never propose to me (I think she's a bit outdated) but I'm curious to know why you wouldn't want to move in before marriage.
I'd also like to add, I get the feeling that a lot of people put off marriage for financial reasons pertaining to a wedding but I do not necessarily think a wedding or expensive wedding is necessary.
10/22/2010
Quote:
Very well stated - living together can diminish ones ability to learn and demonstrate independence. I think proving to yourself that you can make it on your own both emotionally and financially - makes for a much more confident adult, one that can make decisions based on merit - not on the fear that someone will leave them.
Originally posted by
Adriana Ravenlust
There's no hard evidence that living with someone helps or hurts a marriage but I personally feel that living with someone imitates marriage in a way that can make people think it's okay to leave commitment. I didn't word that very well.
...
more
There's no hard evidence that living with someone helps or hurts a marriage but I personally feel that living with someone imitates marriage in a way that can make people think it's okay to leave commitment. I didn't word that very well. I guess it comes down to "Oh, I live with you but don't like it so I'm just going to walk out" and that attitude can transfer over to marriage--which I do not believe is okay to leave/walk out on/end.
I'd also like to add, I get the feeling that a lot of people put off marriage for financial reasons pertaining to a wedding but I do not necessarily think a wedding or expensive wedding is necessary. less
I'd also like to add, I get the feeling that a lot of people put off marriage for financial reasons pertaining to a wedding but I do not necessarily think a wedding or expensive wedding is necessary. less
If you've successfully lived independently for several years - maybe living together may be reasonable test of 'co-habitation' skills. But you can tell by being at their place how they handle things - sorry to ramble - living together doesn't solve many problems...
10/22/2010
We were together for 7 months before getting engaged. We got married about a year and a half after that. We lived together from month 2 on, because it just worked out better that way. I had an infant daughter, and so while my parents would watch her (I lived at home with them) I didn't like being away from her late at night. So, after a month of dating we started going back and forth between him sleeping over at my place and me sleeping over at his with my daughter and it just got so old dragging the baby stuff back and forth that I just officially moved in. I think we got to know each other better that way, and heck we already knew what it was like raising a child together so after 7 months we just knew we were going to be together forever so we got engaged. We've been married 7 years now
10/22/2010
Quote:
See, I don't agree that living together does this, but I also believe that a marriage should be ended if the people are not happy. I think that people should try to work out differences, but I believe that should be done regardless of marriage and I'd actually think that living with someone would make them MORE apt to want to work things out since they'd have to actually leave their home if things don't work out, rather than just having to stop seeing the person or returning their calls. It kind of seems the opposite of what you're saying from my perspective. So, I guess for me it would be the same in marriage or just cohabitation. If the couple is strong than living together will be fine, as would marriage. If they're not neither is going to work out well.
Originally posted by
Adriana Ravenlust
There's no hard evidence that living with someone helps or hurts a marriage but I personally feel that living with someone imitates marriage in a way that can make people think it's okay to leave commitment. I didn't word that very well.
...
more
There's no hard evidence that living with someone helps or hurts a marriage but I personally feel that living with someone imitates marriage in a way that can make people think it's okay to leave commitment. I didn't word that very well. I guess it comes down to "Oh, I live with you but don't like it so I'm just going to walk out" and that attitude can transfer over to marriage--which I do not believe is okay to leave/walk out on/end.
I'd also like to add, I get the feeling that a lot of people put off marriage for financial reasons pertaining to a wedding but I do not necessarily think a wedding or expensive wedding is necessary. less
I'd also like to add, I get the feeling that a lot of people put off marriage for financial reasons pertaining to a wedding but I do not necessarily think a wedding or expensive wedding is necessary. less
10/22/2010
Quote:
I met Sigel when we were 16 so we had to wait a few years and we ended up waiting 4 years total. I met Arch much later in life and if I didn't have to deal with enforced arbitrary rules about marriage we would, most likely, be married right now. My only problem is I don't want to divorce one to marry the other.
Originally posted by
Lily Night
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if
...
more
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if so, do you have any other limitations?
less
I do believe in waiting to get married until you have had some time to get to know the object of your affection. Then again I wish there was a way to have a sort of contract marriage limited only by the contractual agreements.
10/22/2010
I have no intention of getting married, so I voted other. lol I agree with the sentiments about living on your own, and I'm not sure I'd ever actually want to live with a partner. I like the idea of having my own place with my own bed to sleep in.
10/22/2010
Quote:
I guess what I'm saying is that living together before marriage can blur the lines between marriage and cohabitation in a negative way. Sure, if you believe you should put your all into working it out either way, that's the positive spin.. but if you're more of a quitter, cohabitation can have the effect of making you view divorce as akin to just moving out. It really depends on your perspective and it seems like you're the type who would work for a relationship. Maybe that's why this is confusing for you. I think some people need the sort of sudden shift to marriage/cohabitation to understand that "shit got real," so to speak.
Originally posted by
Alicia
See, I don't agree that living together does this, but I also believe that a marriage should be ended if the people are not happy. I think that people should try to work out differences, but I believe that should be done regardless of marriage
...
more
See, I don't agree that living together does this, but I also believe that a marriage should be ended if the people are not happy. I think that people should try to work out differences, but I believe that should be done regardless of marriage and I'd actually think that living with someone would make them MORE apt to want to work things out since they'd have to actually leave their home if things don't work out, rather than just having to stop seeing the person or returning their calls. It kind of seems the opposite of what you're saying from my perspective. So, I guess for me it would be the same in marriage or just cohabitation. If the couple is strong than living together will be fine, as would marriage. If they're not neither is going to work out well.
less
10/22/2010
Quote:
I picked other because I don't see the chances of me actually wanting to get married. It's too...not me.
Originally posted by
Lily Night
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if
...
more
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if so, do you have any other limitations?
less
10/22/2010
Quote:
Yea, I guess it depends on the type of person. But, I guess I still don't really see it as a reason to not live with someone first, because if they're willing to just give up and move out without trying to work it out, then they're not the type of person I'd want to marry and I think I'd rather find that out beforehand. Because really a quitter is a quitter, and in the end it's really the love and the relationship that makes things work and not a piece of paper. I think a lot of it probably has to do with each person's view on marriage and divorce though, and I can see the point of it being easier to just move out. I guess for me it's just because I would want it to be easy for them if they were going to find they don't want to be in it and don't find the relationship worth fighting for. I would never want someone to stay with me just because they felt they had to because we had a commitment and were married.
Originally posted by
Adriana Ravenlust
I guess what I'm saying is that living together before marriage can blur the lines between marriage and cohabitation in a negative way. Sure, if you believe you should put your all into working it out either way, that's the positive spin..
...
more
I guess what I'm saying is that living together before marriage can blur the lines between marriage and cohabitation in a negative way. Sure, if you believe you should put your all into working it out either way, that's the positive spin.. but if you're more of a quitter, cohabitation can have the effect of making you view divorce as akin to just moving out. It really depends on your perspective and it seems like you're the type who would work for a relationship. Maybe that's why this is confusing for you. I think some people need the sort of sudden shift to marriage/cohabitation to understand that "shit got real," so to speak.
less
10/22/2010
I think that rushing would be a bad idea, and you would have to know that you'd work well living together. It would be nice to know that cohabitation wouldn't kill the relationship.
10/24/2010
Quote:
I think it's important for people to do what's best for their marriage because they ARE married... but divorce is simply unacceptable to me. You make the choice when you say "I Do." Period.
Originally posted by
Alicia
Yea, I guess it depends on the type of person. But, I guess I still don't really see it as a reason to not live with someone first, because if they're willing to just give up and move out without trying to work it out, then they're not
...
more
Yea, I guess it depends on the type of person. But, I guess I still don't really see it as a reason to not live with someone first, because if they're willing to just give up and move out without trying to work it out, then they're not the type of person I'd want to marry and I think I'd rather find that out beforehand. Because really a quitter is a quitter, and in the end it's really the love and the relationship that makes things work and not a piece of paper. I think a lot of it probably has to do with each person's view on marriage and divorce though, and I can see the point of it being easier to just move out. I guess for me it's just because I would want it to be easy for them if they were going to find they don't want to be in it and don't find the relationship worth fighting for. I would never want someone to stay with me just because they felt they had to because we had a commitment and were married.
less
10/24/2010
Quote:
Marrying the wrong person to begin with is a good reason for divorce. After spending ten years with an emotionally abusive creep - BELIEVING I HAD TO LIVE WITH MY MISTAKE - I was about to jump off a fucking bridge when my reserves ran out. If divorce were not an option I would not be alive today.
Originally posted by
Adriana Ravenlust
I think it's important for people to do what's best for their marriage because they ARE married... but divorce is simply unacceptable to me. You make the choice when you say "I Do." Period.
10/24/2010
No limit for me. If its meant to be it will be. For me I would have to live with someone first. Loving someone and living with someone are two different things.
10/24/2010
My wife and I dated for 2 years before we got married, and we lived together for most of those 2 years.
I don't have a set limitation, but living together was definitely a must before even thinking about marriage. You never really know someone until you live with them.
I don't have a set limitation, but living together was definitely a must before even thinking about marriage. You never really know someone until you live with them.
11/01/2010
I never really had a set limit on this either. I am just a stickler for living with that person first to make sure you can live with each other. You have to really know that this person isn't going to change when you do live together. Marriage is a commitment and personally, before I make a commitment like that, I'd rather know that this is someone I can live with for the rest of my life.
My first marriage didn't work out b/c I was young and stupid. Yea, we lived together for about 6 months before we got married, but we also had a baby on the way. I jumped into that marriage, and it really took a toll on me. Took seven years to wisen up and see that he wasn't the man for me.
Now that I'm older, I am more confident in my decision that I made to get married this time. We have been knowing each other for 15 years, we dated off and on for a while and exclusively for about two years before we got married. We lived together pretty much most of the two years, so we both know that we are what we want.
All in all, yea, I think it's important to live with the person before jumping into a marriage... marriage isn't something people should take to lightly...
My first marriage didn't work out b/c I was young and stupid. Yea, we lived together for about 6 months before we got married, but we also had a baby on the way. I jumped into that marriage, and it really took a toll on me. Took seven years to wisen up and see that he wasn't the man for me.
Now that I'm older, I am more confident in my decision that I made to get married this time. We have been knowing each other for 15 years, we dated off and on for a while and exclusively for about two years before we got married. We lived together pretty much most of the two years, so we both know that we are what we want.
All in all, yea, I think it's important to live with the person before jumping into a marriage... marriage isn't something people should take to lightly...
11/01/2010
Quote:
I agree with everything you said here!
Originally posted by
El-Jaro
My opinion:
People should live alone for some period of time, if it works out that way. I'm talking 100%, no people/only pets alone. You can really learn a lot about yourself that way, esp your own cleaning habits!
I also think ... more
People should live alone for some period of time, if it works out that way. I'm talking 100%, no people/only pets alone. You can really learn a lot about yourself that way, esp your own cleaning habits!
I also think ... more
My opinion:
People should live alone for some period of time, if it works out that way. I'm talking 100%, no people/only pets alone. You can really learn a lot about yourself that way, esp your own cleaning habits!
I also think couples should live together for a while before marriage. You can get a know the person on a day-to-day basis and not how they appear a couple days/nights a week when you see them.
I also think marriage shouldn't be a goal in a relationship; a marker, but not a goal. less
People should live alone for some period of time, if it works out that way. I'm talking 100%, no people/only pets alone. You can really learn a lot about yourself that way, esp your own cleaning habits!
I also think couples should live together for a while before marriage. You can get a know the person on a day-to-day basis and not how they appear a couple days/nights a week when you see them.
I also think marriage shouldn't be a goal in a relationship; a marker, but not a goal. less
Gary and I lived together for almost 2 years before getting married, and we got married here in our house.
I think taking time to get to know yourself by living alone for a while, then taking time to get to know how to live with your partner, before marrying, is very smart.
Gradually merging your lives is far better, in my opinion, than forcing the two together in one short period of time. I think too many people romanticize every little thing that goes along with getting married - and when it comes to sharing a living space with the person you plan on sharing the rest of your life with, I think practicality should come before fantasy.
11/01/2010
I think people should take a significant amount of time to really get to know each other, but I don't think arbitrary time limits really improve your chances of staying together.
My theory is, you need to be together long enough for one or both of you to go through some kind of major change. Because we do change and evolved and become different people as our lives progress. It's easy to say "Yes, I want marry you," but much harder to say "Yes, I want to marry you and who you will be in 10, 20, 30 years."
Going through a major life change can give you an idea if your relationship has what it takes to endure through changes and tough times. But even then, there are no guarantees.
My theory is, you need to be together long enough for one or both of you to go through some kind of major change. Because we do change and evolved and become different people as our lives progress. It's easy to say "Yes, I want marry you," but much harder to say "Yes, I want to marry you and who you will be in 10, 20, 30 years."
Going through a major life change can give you an idea if your relationship has what it takes to endure through changes and tough times. But even then, there are no guarantees.
11/01/2010
Quote:
I think I don't care if I ever get married or not as long as I'm in a happy commited relationship with my boyfriend...sometimes I think maybe it would be nice to be proposed to one day..but I also think we wouldn't work well living together because he goes to bed at like 6am sleeps all day before work and I am a really light sleeper someone walking around or playing video games or even cooking something wakes me up...
Originally posted by
Lily Night
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if
...
more
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if so, do you have any other limitations?
less
11/01/2010
Quote:
I've been dating my Fiance for 6 1/2 years and we just got engaged in August and we plan on getting married in Oct. 2011 after we both graduate college. I told him jokingly if we weren't engaged before we graduated, I would have to let him go. But since he proposed in August, he's safe now. I think that there really shouldn't be a time limit but if you are both taking big life steps, like graduating college or moving somewhere different, you need to make the choice together if you are going to continue dating, get engaged or get married because it's part of those big decisions.
Originally posted by
Lily Night
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if
...
more
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if so, do you have any other limitations?
less
11/01/2010
Quote:
I agree with this. I also agree with what Mr. Sauce said - he was spot-on.
Originally posted by
LicentiouslyYours
I think people should take a significant amount of time to really get to know each other, but I don't think arbitrary time limits really improve your chances of staying together.
My theory is, you need to be together long enough for one ... more
My theory is, you need to be together long enough for one ... more
I think people should take a significant amount of time to really get to know each other, but I don't think arbitrary time limits really improve your chances of staying together.
My theory is, you need to be together long enough for one or both of you to go through some kind of major change. Because we do change and evolved and become different people as our lives progress. It's easy to say "Yes, I want marry you," but much harder to say "Yes, I want to marry you and who you will be in 10, 20, 30 years."
Going through a major life change can give you an idea if your relationship has what it takes to endure through changes and tough times. But even then, there are no guarantees. less
My theory is, you need to be together long enough for one or both of you to go through some kind of major change. Because we do change and evolved and become different people as our lives progress. It's easy to say "Yes, I want marry you," but much harder to say "Yes, I want to marry you and who you will be in 10, 20, 30 years."
Going through a major life change can give you an idea if your relationship has what it takes to endure through changes and tough times. But even then, there are no guarantees. less
11/02/2010
I voted other because I don't have a time limitation and I do believe that if it is meant to be it will be. However, I'd also want to date for at least a year because everything is always great in the beginning. It takes a while for people to show their true colors. You can learn a lot about who a person really is by living with them and seeing them all the time.
11/02/2010
My Mister and I met online and lived together within two months. He moved from another state. We married a year later. We're celebrating 8 years tomorrow!
I don't recommend this, but it worked for us. Then again, the most unconventional pairings in our family have lasted longest.
Grandma and Grandpa met and married in two weeks and stayed together until the day he died (well over 50 years)
Dad and stepmom met and married in 2 months. 24 years this past year.
I don't recommend this, but it worked for us. Then again, the most unconventional pairings in our family have lasted longest.
Grandma and Grandpa met and married in two weeks and stayed together until the day he died (well over 50 years)
Dad and stepmom met and married in 2 months. 24 years this past year.
11/02/2010
Quote:
Exactly, if divorce was not an option many people would be absolutely miserable and I am sure many would actually end up literally jumping off a bridge because they can't take it anymore.
Originally posted by
Chilipepper
Marrying the wrong person to begin with is a good reason for divorce. After spending ten years with an emotionally abusive creep - BELIEVING I HAD TO LIVE WITH MY MISTAKE - I was about to jump off a fucking bridge when my reserves ran out. If divorce
...
more
Marrying the wrong person to begin with is a good reason for divorce. After spending ten years with an emotionally abusive creep - BELIEVING I HAD TO LIVE WITH MY MISTAKE - I was about to jump off a fucking bridge when my reserves ran out. If divorce were not an option I would not be alive today.
less
It's not always about not working at things, sometimes it's about being incompatible. And honestly I think that is a great reason why people SHOULD live together before marriage, to fully make sure this is what they want.
11/04/2010
if i had the money i would marry my life partner today
11/11/2010
I don't think there is a hard and fast rule, but in a "perfect world", I would date someone for at least two or three years before getting engaged, and be engaged for 6mo-a year.
01/04/2011
I'd definitely move in with him first. People tend to get more comfortable around each other that way and may let you see their true selves. I'm glad I did this with my ex boyfriend, since I found out what he was truly like before I got stuck with him.
01/04/2011