Is "taking a break" really just a cowardly way of breaking up with someone?

SugarLips SugarLips
I had someone (after 4 years of dating) say one day they needed to take a break to think about things. Three days later he dumped me. To me it just seems like he was trying to ease into the break up and it was a bit cowardly. (It really made me mad because I had to sit there for three days and worry about it, only to be broken hearted)
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes, it's cowardly.
Sir , RonLee , dayne , Diabolical Kitty , Howells , hyacinthgirl , GravyCakes , Mike Honcho , Jaimes , ily , switzerland , freda , CSEA
13  (16%)
No, it's legit.
Defiledpixxy , SexyStuff
2  (3%)
Depends on the circumstance.
Ms. Spice , null , wetone123 , wrmbreze , Ryuson , authorzero , Elnoa , GonetoLovehoney , Starkiller87 , DeliciousSurprise , sktb0007 , Shellz31 , Katastophy , Lummox , MaryExy , Ciao. , aliceinthehole , Valentinka , Vanille , toxie m , Ansley , Mihoshi4301 , AmethystSmoke , Sex'и'Violence , loveshocks , Coralbell , The Curious Couple , ellejay , Kdlips , LynLyn , dhig , CoffeeCup , bayosgirl , Art & Sensation , El-Jaro , SiNn , Peggi , darthkitt3n , Adriana Ravenlust , shySEXXaddict , LavenderSkies , winterseve , Cherrylane , link82 , cheetahpita , (k)InkyIvy , PrettyPurple , rby62 , Jul!a , Gracie , DiamondKoala , joja , Femme Mystique , Hibangel , oneeyedoctopus , potstickers , ewwgrossdie , gsfanatic , woodsdragon , heather-mooney , tortilla , hyperfemmepony , AliMc , apryls
64  (81%)
Total votes: 79
Poll is closed
11/12/2011
  • Weekly Special: Hot Vibes! Buy 1 Vibrator And Get 1 FREE
  • Better Price Sale - Save 50%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price - Save 40%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
null null
It can be used that way, and many times is, but it can be a legitimate break when that's what the couple really needs.
11/12/2011
authorzero authorzero
This is another "it depends" questions. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it really is just 'I want this to work, but I need a bit of space."
11/12/2011
GonetoLovehoney GonetoLovehoney
Indeed, sometimes it really is a 'needing space' issue as a pair of friends did a month long break after being together for a couple years. They just needed to step back, take a breather and get their heads on straight.
11/13/2011
Sir Sir
If a person feels the need to take a break, then something is wrong in the relationship and that generally means cause for a breakup. I find a relationship to be something where breaks should not happen, otherwise it's not a strong enough relationship and there therefore is no point in having the relationship.
11/13/2011
Starkiller87 Starkiller87
Quote:
Originally posted by GonetoLovehoney
Indeed, sometimes it really is a 'needing space' issue as a pair of friends did a month long break after being together for a couple years. They just needed to step back, take a breather and get their heads on straight.
My boyfriend and I did this about 2 and half years into our relationship. Were both young and have lived together almost immediately after dating. I moved home for a month, than came back. We decided that we are best friends, and cant be with out each other. Im glad we did this though, I think it was important to see where we stood.
11/13/2011
sktb0007 sktb0007
It depends on the person who is suggesting it I think. I'm sure some people who say it, are just being cowardly, but others probably mean what they say and really just want a "break"
11/13/2011
Shellz31 Shellz31
It can depend on what's going on in the relationship. Some may want to just step back and look at things when out of the situation.
Although really, a couple (if living apart or if one has somewhere else they can stay) couple just meet up a couple of times a week rather than regular. I think a lot of times it can be the coward way out. If a person doesn't have the guts to end a relationship when they want out, they shouldn't be in one in the first place!

With saying that though, to me, if you really require (genuinely) time out then obviously that person isn't the right one for ya.
11/13/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by SugarLips
I had someone (after 4 years of dating) say one day they needed to take a break to think about things. Three days later he dumped me. To me it just seems like he was trying to ease into the break up and it was a bit cowardly. (It really made me ... More
i've taken a break before with the intention of breaking up for good in the back of my mind.

but we did get back together. it just depends on the situation. it can be legit.
11/13/2011
Valentinka Valentinka
My boyfriend used to ask me for a break, sometimes desperately, but I was so scared of a possible breakup that I always refused and talked him into leaving things as they were. As the result he started feeling that his opinion meant nothing to me. That's when we almost broke up. I finally gave into the idea of spending a month apart and now our relationship is great and strong like never before! So it depends. Sometimes a break is just the way to sort things out, think everything through, find peace with yourself. But I'm sorry that your relationship ended like that, SugarLips It happens...
11/13/2011
dayne dayne
Yes, who takes a break from someone ther love or want to spend a future with.....
11/13/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
No, a cowardly way is to not even bother to tell them you're breaking up - no contact or response at all.

A break? Actually helps in deciding if you really want to be with that person or not without them standing there and intimidating you. That's part of the reason it took me so long to finally divorce my ex-husband, because I never got a break from his presence to feel out what exactly was making me wanting to jump off a bridge. After entering a crisis center for a week (when I almost did jump off a bridge) and didn't have to be around him, I came to the conclusion that I did not like being married to him, I did not like being celibate, and I did not like the decisions he made for our lives.

A few weeks later, I outright told him in no uncertain terms that our marriage was over.
11/13/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
No, a cowardly way is to not even bother to tell them you're breaking up - no contact or response at all.

A break? Actually helps in deciding if you really want to be with that person or not without them standing there and intimidating ... More
Yes, while that is cowardly too, it does not make a break any less so.
11/13/2011
Valentinka Valentinka
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Yes, while that is cowardly too, it does not make a break any less so.
Sometimes there are problems that make a person no good for a relationship at a moment and sometimes it's much better to take a break, hunt your demons down first and then get back together. Taking a break doesn't mean you are quitting. It's like temporary separation vs. divorce.
11/13/2011
Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
I think it's cowardly.
11/13/2011
Mihoshi4301 Mihoshi4301
I think it really just depends on the circumstances.
11/13/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
I think it's different for every couple.
11/13/2011
AmethystSmoke AmethystSmoke
It can be a cowardly move to find an "easy" way out of a relationship but there are certainly circumstances when it really is a need for breathing room.

I'm married now (going on 16 years next May) but my last relationship was going on 8 years when I asked for a break. I thought I wanted out of the relationship but also wanted some distance to give myself a bit of time to seriously sort through my emotions and priorities.
11/13/2011
The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I think it really depends on the situation. It could taken either way depending on all of factors.
11/13/2011
Kdlips Kdlips
yes in some ways
11/13/2011
SugarLips SugarLips
Thanks to all who replied, it was really helpful to read all of your opinions on the matter. Maybe I'm just bitter, but maybe it's for the best...I just know I don't like feeling like this.
11/14/2011
Jaimes Jaimes
Honestly, I've always thought it was just delaying the inevitable. Its hard to get the courage up to break things off completely, but alot easier to say that the break is temporary until you work up the rest of your courage to just end it. It sucks to be on the receiving side, so you have all my sympathy!
11/15/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
For me a "break" is a prelude to a break-up. If the person who wanted to take a break feels ok about the break-up, it's over. If they come back, they are pretty unsure about the relationship and things should be talked out, one way or the other.
11/15/2011
SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by SugarLips
I had someone (after 4 years of dating) say one day they needed to take a break to think about things. Three days later he dumped me. To me it just seems like he was trying to ease into the break up and it was a bit cowardly. (It really made me ... More
my better half did the whole break upthing we got back together and realzied we just needed a break so i think that if osmeone askes that depending on the circumstances it could just be that
11/16/2011
SexyStuff SexyStuff
Only cowardly if they never talk to you again after that!

My DH and I took multiple breaks while we were dating. Things just got serious really fast and neither of us was ready. Timing is a real issue, but when it was right it was amazing.
11/16/2011
Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Valentinka
Sometimes there are problems that make a person no good for a relationship at a moment and sometimes it's much better to take a break, hunt your demons down first and then get back together. Taking a break doesn't mean you are quitting. ... More
If the problems existed that make them no good for a relationship, they should not have gotten into the relationship to begin with. That is irresponsible. I still feel the same way I do about this subject.
11/17/2011
HannahPanda HannahPanda
I think it really depends on the situation. Sometimes, and for some, taking a break is a legitimate way to talk things out and to agree not to see other people but it makes for a much more casual relationship. When I've "taken a break" with my exes, it's always lead to us understanding why the relationship couldn't work out or we resolved things and got back together later.
12/05/2011
cheetahpita cheetahpita
Breaks can be necessary to step back and look at the relationship... like other people have mentioned, it allows you to think more clearly about yourself and where you want to go. It isn't always a sign of someone wanting to break up with you.
12/10/2011
(k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
As far as my experience with "breaks" goes, it's cowardly. Though, I'm also aware that my experiences do not encompass all scenarios.
The guy I dated that said he wanted a break really just wanted an excuse to sleep with another chick (who'd accused him of having no balls because he was in a committed relationship) without it being considered cheating. Another guy that said he wanted to take a break was just saying that to soften the blow of dumping me shortly thereafter to start dating a "friend" of mine.
12/10/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
In all of my personally experience with relationships, "taking a break" has been a prelude to breaking up. However I have friends who took a break to decide where their relationship was going. Some got back together and are going strong, some realized it was time for the relationship to end.
02/21/2012
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 39
Unique posters: 35