Most Embarrassing...

Not embarressing, but funny at the time. Me and my wife, at the time fiance, were folling around and we left the tv on. We were just doing some heavy foreplay and we were getting into it. Right as things were getting pretty heavy we hear from the tv, from Family Guy "Little John?....Little John?........Little John?" "DAMMIT! Can't a guy masturbate around here!" and we were both no good. we finished up but we never really did stop laughing.

My very first time, I was so nervous. After a little fore play we got going and SURPRISE!! I got my period. I was so embarrassed I got dressed and ran home. Granted I was very young. And things like that don;t really bother me anymore. But never the less.

Then after I got engaged to my now husband we are do move my sick mother in with us. Well we were really going at it, and next thing I know she's nocking on the door "I'm trying to sleep you know!" I couldn't look her in the eyes for a week.

Most embarrassing for me was when I did not know my grandmother came home and was upstairs. We were going at it (quietly) and she muted the tv and TRIED to listen (she does it when I am on the phone and such too, as I have mentioned they are horrid snoops... I regret living here for schooling) and I got in huge trouble for it. I couldn't have anyone over for weeks. Ever since then whenever my partner is over we get attacked with lectures and such, so much so that it becomes too awkward for us to look at each other at some points.

Ahh family.

My stories aren´t all that embarassing, but I think that this post I just read on Fmylife.com is worth sharing: (FML stands for f*ck my life)

"Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML"

I was eating my girlfriend out and I sneezed in her snatch. Awkwaaaard.

This has probably happened to a ton of people (right?!). I sent a very explicit and sexual message to a family member on accident. *sigh* very embarrassing! It was in an instant messaging program and I simply clicked on their name on accident. That was many years ago before I was married and I was dating a guy that the message was intended for but it still sticks with me because I was so embarrassed.

Ok, I have some just crazy funny stories, but my favorite (and my exes) is:

While hooking up in a school parking lot they locked the gates and there was no way out. We had to call his best friend and cut the lock off with bolt cutters.

When we first started buying sex toys we weren't that careful about hiding them - then we stated finding them where they didn't belong - seems some kids in the neighborhood were also in on the story!

So needless to say we were much more careful going forward!

They're in college now - so I just have them all in a dresser drawer - I suppose if they really want to borrow them - I don't object!

I was 18 or 19 at the time and staying in a hotel with my then-(long-distance) boyfriend and his parents. A couple of nights of sharing a bed together...a few feet away from them. Yeah, like hell we weren't going to sneak some sex in somewhere. I was going to school over 10 hours away from him and we were horny kids and hadn't seen each other in awhile.

So we went down the pool and everything started out innocently enough, just a bit of PDA, not full-on make out sessions or anything. We were totally alone. Then we took it to the hot tub and things heated up a tiny bit. The security guard came by to lock up and told us to make sure we didn't leave anything behind, he was locking the door behind him and we wouldn't be able to get back in until morning. Perfect. Or at least we thought it was perfect. We got down to business shortly thereafter and things were awesome. We finished up and were getting ready to head back to the room when we saw it. The security camera aimed directly at the hot tub. Yes, we had totally just performed for probably every guard in the hotel that evening. No wonder he let us stay in there after locking up.

After I had my first full anal sex session, I let out about a 45 second fart. This made my boyfriend and I laugh, which just apparently triggered a bombastic stream of farting. Every move I made, I farted. I breathed, and farted. The whole thing lasted a good 7 minutes with my ass in the air but I've never laughed so hard in my life! This was only within the first month of our dating each other, and I decided if he could put up with THAT, he could put up with anything. I realized he was the man of my dreams...via a farting session.

In short, the police were called by the neighbor because she thought there was a woman being hurt/harmed; after my screaming orgasm. Of course, this was not told to me until i opened the door to great the officer (my uncle) wearing a very short silk robe with that after sex glow.

With my ex we were at a party and it was an inside joke type thing with us that if we said we had to "find his wallet" it meant we were going to go find an empty bedroom to hook up in. Noone had ever tried to help find it and we thought they all kind of knew what it meant. Well, at one party someone did not know and the host of the party went upstairs and found us in his bedroom, he told us to GTFO and use his sister's room as well. Unfortunately he also told everyone else at the party and they all came upstairs, picked the lock and stormed into the room. It was about three of my ex's guy friends, his ex girlfriend and some other girl. He threw me off the bed so that they wouldn't see me naked and I ended up knocking over the top of a papasan table that fell on my head and then a floor lamp came tumbling down after. I got a black eye from it and a very sore back.

With my husband not too much embarrassing has happened except at our first place the neighbor had known my husband for years because his house used to be his house wiht his father. So, we talked sometimes when we were outside. The neighbor commented on how we were so quiet and how he would think with a new couple he'd get to hear lots of drama and fights. Well, just then his son starts laughing his head off and says "yea right they're quiet! you should try having a bedroom window right near theirs!" After that everytime we had sex we couldn't help but think about the teenage kid whose bedroom window was only about 10 feet from ours and how he was probably listening in.