How Clingy is too clingy?

burtnuh burtnuh
My man and I have been together for awhile now, and at first he wasn't clingy or the jealous type at all. As time went by he slowly became jealous. Now it's gotten to the point where he's constantly wanting to be with me and is always sending "I miss you" texts. The first few make me smile but after I get 10 or so in a day I feel a bit annoyed. Is this normal, or am I just easily annoyed?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
That's normal and a great sign.
That's a bit much, but still not a bad thing.
12
Way too much, not such a great thing.
48
Other. (Explain)
4
Total votes: 64 (63 voters)
Poll is closed
12/19/2012
  • Save 40% on Vibrators
  • Get 3 amazing toys for $60 only
  • Eye of Love Pheromone Kit - Save 25%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 60%
  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
bayosgirl bayosgirl
10 "I miss you" texts in one day is way too much and would annoy me. Have you talked to him about this? It may seem innocuous but it's really not a sign of a healthy relationship IMO.
12/19/2012
Curiouscat Curiouscat
There is a point where it gets into too clingy. Personally I like my down time every now and then, so if they let me have my time then its not too clingy. A million texts sounds annoying, a few is okay.
12/19/2012
MasqueVivi MasqueVivi
I'd personally appreciate up to 2-3 a day and tolerate up to 5. 10 is just ridiculous simply for the sentiment of "I miss you" though. At a certain point it would make ANYBODY feel very irritated, no matter how much you love your partner!

As for jealousy, well, if your partner is ever actively and repeatedly stopping you from doing things you like or talking to people you want to, even through coersion, guilt, or shaming, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong.
12/19/2012
SecretKinksters SecretKinksters
RUN!!! RUN FAST!!!
12/19/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
That's getting to be a bit much. I'd talk to him and make it clear how you feel and get his feedback. It could just be nervousness or how he shows affection.
12/19/2012
Nurse Katie Nurse Katie
Quote:
Originally posted by burtnuh
My man and I have been together for awhile now, and at first he wasn't clingy or the jealous type at all. As time went by he slowly became jealous. Now it's gotten to the point where he's constantly wanting to be with me and is always ... More
If it were me, I'd be bothered by it. That being said, all that matters is your comfort level with his behavior. If you don't like it, say so.
12/19/2012
jr2012 jr2012
well...I kind of lean towards "it's not too bad". I admit it does sound a little annoying, and I would maybe ask him to not text so much, but honestly I think that a bit of co-dependency is good for a long term relationship. I mean, you need each other (for various reasons), so you stay together.

However....if he's crossing into the line of jealousy (ie, not letting you talk to other men or behavior like that), that is when I would get nervous.
12/19/2012
UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Ugh. Absolutely nothing worse than an insecure man. Jealousy is like a cancer on relationships. I say get out while you can
12/19/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by burtnuh
My man and I have been together for awhile now, and at first he wasn't clingy or the jealous type at all. As time went by he slowly became jealous. Now it's gotten to the point where he's constantly wanting to be with me and is always ... More
The way I look at it, it's better than having a distant spouse who isn't attracted to you.

On the other hand, ten text messages in one day? Does this guy work? My partner and I don't even have time to send 10 in one day! However, we are pretty close and spend a lot more time together than the average couple, but that is because a lot of our tasks/hobbies are things we do together. We do errands together, we wrap presents together, we clean the hamster's cage together! When we're both off work in the evenings, we spend them together and it's really fun to do these little thing together.

We've been together for 6 years and I can say I've gone through a lot of changes. When we first got together, I'd just experienced the most traumatic thing for me months before, so I had some serious issues! I started to hate myself, and I'd never really experienced problems with my body or self before. It affected us both, but I overcame thank God. I was so miserable though.

So what I'm getting at is, something must have happened for him to suddenly begin feeling this way, and it's very important to get to the bottom of it. Ask him. Say "I've noticed you're down lately. You do know I love you, right? Is something going on to make you feel badly?" And also, since he's suddenly feeling clingy, it's probably making him feel like YOU aren't showing him as much love and affection when in reality, it's just that his is out of balance.

Anyways, you should absolutely get to the bottom of these feelings. Instead of saying "God, get a life. I need space," get to the bottom of it and you'll make progress.

I love that my spouse gives me so much attention, but I also need my personal space, as does he. He grabs and fondles me all the time, and I love that, but there's a difference in daily affection and clingyness. You'd need to find a way to gain back your space without putting him off or making him feel like you're trying to push away. Seriously, the only thing I think will really get you guys anywhere is figuring out what is going on inside him.

I've had days where I've hated everything about myself. I've felt disgusting, damaged and like shit. I can recall one particular instance when my partner came home and noticed after giving me a compliment, and he said "you don't feel beautiful or something? What's made you feel that way? You tell me why you ain't feeling beautiful today." That made every difference in the world. And turns out, that day I didn't actually feel horrible, I'd just made a grunt when he said I looked beautiful because I thought he was rushing me while I flat-ironed my hair! But I've felt that down before, and him asking me plain and simple and the kindness that came from just those words instantly perked me up.

Or perhaps you guys are a newish couple, and you're simply just now seeing his clingy personality. But if he really wasn't jealous or clingy before, then I'd bet there's just something he's got built up that's buggin' him.

Now, on a side note, if he's being hateful or aggressive and rude with this new found jealousy, I'd be a little more firm than "oh, what is wrong? Let's work it out." I'd be taking a whole 'nother approach. First off, I'd be immediately putting my foot down, and then when I got that point across, I'd kindly ask him to share what is wrong and work it out or else suck it up and take the asshole-itis elsewhere.
12/20/2012
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by UnknownGirl
Ugh. Absolutely nothing worse than an insecure man. Jealousy is like a cancer on relationships. I say get out while you can
I agree. It's not attractive to have an insecure partner, but I don't think running from a natural feeling is the right approach. Not if it's just a random thing. I mean if they're constantly like this. But you said it's a new thing for him, so it sounds like it's just a natural, human feeling and could be worked out. Maybe something has him down. Don't we all feel this way sometimes?
12/20/2012
Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by burtnuh
My man and I have been together for awhile now, and at first he wasn't clingy or the jealous type at all. As time went by he slowly became jealous. Now it's gotten to the point where he's constantly wanting to be with me and is always ... More
Clingy is a big pet peeve of mine. Id be gone from what you've described. Someone needs to stand on their own and be their own person
12/20/2012
linnlinn linnlinn
It may be that he's insecure. It may also be that he's falling for you and not sure about how your feel too. Maybe he's reaching out to your for an answer to that question of "are you feeling what I'm feeling". If you need more space and are not where ever he is emotionally and you need him to back up a bit, and if he's not getting your subtle clues it maybe time to have a chat.
12/22/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
How long have you guys been together? Sometimes, when people have been in a longer relationship and they start to get attached, they start to worry that if they don't cling and make sure that they're on your mind all the time, then you'll lose interest and leave. I used to be the insecure, clingy type, and the clinging came from fear of being rejected or being abandoned. Nowadays, I cannot stomach clinginess myself, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I ever was that way. But we all have our insecurities, and when we feel vulnerable, we act out...like insisting that we go everywhere with our partner, and text the ten times a day. Here's the catch though; the more you cling, the more you drive another person away. Obviously, you're annoyed and bothered with his behavior enough to ask us here if it's normal or acceptable behavior. I'm going to go with the majority and say no, it's not, partly because you've indicated that it bugs you, and I think that suffocating your SO will kill a relationship very quickly.

Being your own person, having your own life and your own interests is extremely important to keeping a relationship going. If you are never alone with your own time and space, it can really wear on you. I think I learned my clinginess from my first relationship, which I was in for almost eight years. He and I were totally codependent, and connected at the hip. We hardly did anything apart, and it drove me insane. I resented him so much, and yet because I had been that way with him for so long, I didn't know how to change the dynamic of the relationship or how to be my own person with confidence. You know the saying, "how can I miss you, if you don't go away?" It's rather true.

You should speak with him. Be calm and open, and non-accusatory, but make it clear that you need your own space and "me time" sometimes. And if his jealousy is an issue, let him know that his trust in you means a lot to you, and jealousy is usually an implication that the jealous person can't trust. That's not a healthy relationship. Those "I miss you" texts would probably mean a whole lot more to you if you weren't being bombarded with them. It's nice to express affection, but too much can smother someone and snuff out the relationship prematurely. I'd have a heart to heart with him, and if he can't handle that or it changes nothing...I'd move on and find someone who will respect your space.
12/24/2012
burtnuh burtnuh
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
How long have you guys been together? Sometimes, when people have been in a longer relationship and they start to get attached, they start to worry that if they don't cling and make sure that they're on your mind all the time, then you'll ... More
We've been together for almost 4 years straight. We dated once before and we were both really young and immature and let other peoples lies tear us apart.

Thanks so much for the advice. I plan on talking to him after the holiday, we're both so stressed with getting everything done and stuff I don't want to add to it.
12/24/2012
burtnuh burtnuh
Thanks for all the feedback guys. I plan on talking to him and trying to get it all sorted.

To answer a few questions, Yes he does work. I think the reason he's gotten so clingy is because we moved an hour away from where we use to live, into a small town because he got a really great job offer. But with his great job offer I pretty much had to commit to a career change. This small town doesn't offer a lot of money to Cosmetologists. I think he's really concerned that I feel like I've given up everything for him and that I'll regret it. We're working on moving back to a bigger city within the next year though.

We've also always texted a lot through out the day. His job leaves him a lot of free time, and I'm currently working from home, so we generally both have a lot of time to be able to have a conversation through text throughout the entire day. I don't mind the excessive talking, he's my bestfriend so I love talking to him, just the repetitive texts of "I miss you" and "I just want to be home with you" get a bit annoying. Mostly because to me, no matter how many times you say it you still have to be at work, and you'll get home at the same time and we'll have the entire night together.

I don't feel like I should "RUN FAST" or "GET OUT" because we honestly haven't had a face to face talk about it, and if I just give up on us over something so little that could be fixed, then why was I even in the relationship to begin with.

Again, thanks so much!
12/24/2012
novanilla novanilla
I hope your talk with him went well. It seems like this is something new, so I think some reassuring will help, and just finding out what the real problem is.

My partner does this occasionally too.
12/24/2012
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by burtnuh
My man and I have been together for awhile now, and at first he wasn't clingy or the jealous type at all. As time went by he slowly became jealous. Now it's gotten to the point where he's constantly wanting to be with me and is always ... More
10 is definitely a bit excessive. There is absolutely something to work out.
01/05/2013
petlove0311 petlove0311
its a bit much
01/17/2013
butts butts
usually clingyness like that is a sign of major insecurities and/or distrust. I'd sit him down and have a talk, sounds pretty serious.
01/17/2013
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
You need to talk to him about it and figure out why he's being like that.
01/17/2013
woodsdragon woodsdragon
I agree, I miss you texts can be cute, but 10 is excessive!! I love getting cute texts from my hubby so maybe he is trying to be romantic and doesn't realize he is going overboard. My in-laws told me when my husband and I first started dating that I am the first girl he really did romantic things for (ex. buy chocolate, flowers, or make me something), so it could be that he means well, but needs some help in showing his affection b/c of inexperience. You need to talk to him though because it could also be that he is jealous/clingy and for reasons stated above, you don't want that!! If it is that he is just trying to be cute, maybe make suggestions of things he could do...ex - maybe one or two texts with romantic sayings and not just I miss you, taking you on a surprise date, ect. If it is that he is jealous then you need to make a decision and fast! If he is clingy, that could be worked on but be careful of the reasons behind it.
01/17/2013
sweet&lush sweet&lush
I think it's a bit much but maybe he's just letting you know that you are on his mind.
01/17/2013
FLIPxMODE FLIPxMODE
way too much
01/17/2013
BrittaniMaree BrittaniMaree
Little too much hun
01/17/2013
Kirill1171 Kirill1171
Way too much, not such a great thing.
01/17/2013
TheirPet TheirPet
Yeah that's a bit much. I'm currently having a similar problem.
01/17/2013
burtnuh burtnuh
Quote:
Originally posted by TheirPet
Yeah that's a bit much. I'm currently having a similar problem.
Have you thought about how you're going to resolve it?


I thought I'd let everyone know that we had a small talk, and I've started only getting one or maybe two i miss you texts a day, and it's really helped with how annoyed I was getting with him.

Thanks for all the advice !
01/17/2013
cowgirl1130 cowgirl1130
1 or 2 would be cute but 10 sounds kinda like a control freak.
01/18/2013
xscorpiox xscorpiox
too much
01/19/2013
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 36
Unique posters: 32