how do you make love stay?

You can't make love happen. It's a mutual attraction between two people that you feel or don't There's nothing you can do to make it stay either. I've been a witness to too many woman getting pregnant just to "keep" the man they love. Guys don't like that crap. If you were having problems before having a baby isn't going to fix it, and most likely you're going to be a single mom. That being said, in any relationship you need to be honest with one another, respect one another, don't yell, call names, belittle, hit one another. COMPROMISE as often as needed.

My husband and I have been married for 32 years now. We've been through a lot - bankruptcy, miscarriage, etc. etc. But we've stuck together and we are so happy we did.

We believe that love isn't so much a "feeling" as it is a commitment. As conservative Christians, we love the verses in I Corinthians 13 where it talks about how love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things".

We have found that the "feelings" of love come around in cycles. We have great times for maybe 6 months and then a bad time for a while and then we're back to the good times again.

Its just a matter for us - of grinding our teeth and holding onto that "commitment" of love versus the "feeling" of love until we've made it through to the good times again.

TexasMama, I have to agree completely with you. Marriage is a commitment and it requires work to make that commitment last. My wife and I are a bit ahead of you by about 12 years. Like you, we have had our ups and downs, especially while I was in the service and we were overseas for a few years. It took some serious work together to keep us together. There was some serious forgiveness going on and a lot love being regained on my part.
Because we both felt that it was important for the children to grow up with two parents, we stayed together then, and made the marriage work, until the love and trust returned. Now, we are almost one person. We think alike, love alike and almost feel alike.
It was very seldom easy, it was often fun and always interesting. I wouldn't change a minute of it, even if I could. (Actually I would change some of my parts of it, but that's another story.)

You can't make love stay, if it isn't there, it just isn't.

I strongly believe in "soul mates" I think people have a particular person they're meant for.I don't believe anyone can MAKE love happen or KEEP it if it's not supposed to be there. They may stay together, but if love's not there it will never be whether you stay with someone forever or not.

Know communication and how to have a relationship. Develop skills from reading books and/or counseling: how to argue, how to negotiate, how to respect boundaries, living in a household together, etc.

Also, accept that even though the feeling of being "in love" can stay for years and years, that the highest peak of that feeling (which is rather like being on drugs 24/7) is unlikely to last more than months, and that's okay.

Play. That's how I've managed to keep that "just fallen in love" feeling with my husband after being together for 8 years. We play with our dogs, we play videogames, we play in martial arts, we play in photography, we play out on the water, we play with philosophy, we play in bed. Our love and relationship stays strong and feels fresh because we always feel that the one person each of us wants to spend all their time with is the other.

We were each coincidentally raised with the philosophy "love is a verb." As long as love has action, then it can last. It isn't a state of being, it's something you do, and as long as you each do it, then it maintains strength. And because we choose play as our means of making love a verb, we always have that punchdrunk, giddy feeling about the things the other person says or does, and we always feel we can be completely ourselves with one another.

The way it seems to be for me is when people truly LOVE each other they tend to get very comfortable around one another and a routine sets in. That "butterflies in the tummy" I am in love with you feeling does dissipate for the most part and you tend to become friends. Then there are moments of fun or when that other person says or does something that reminds you that they are awesome and perfect just the way that they are that you realize that you certainly still are in love. It takes some effort because infatuation is fleeting and true love involves life, and all of the uglies that come along with life, but love can certainly last forever when you work together to support each other and grow together. That to me is legitimate true love. Falling in and out "of love" but continuing to love each other during that is normal and sets the foundations for an awesome life together. Wow that was mushy and all I can handle. I'm done now.

I checked both, because I think it's some of both. You can do things to help, and to enhance whatever it is you have, but I dont think you can force things.

I say if its meant to be it will be...Nothing or No one can prevent that

I think it takes "work" like spending time together, communication and doing new things, but all relationships should include these things.

i dont think you can make love stay but you can foster it to grow and wish to stay on its own

I have been on both sides. Fell out and never found a way to make it come back as much as I tried. Now I am doing everything I can in my new relationship to keep it llasting. I hit a few bumps along the way and thought for sure I would never get my feelings back but I did. I think it's good to keep things fresh. Routine is good but not alot of it. switch things up. go on dates different ones. Play some games, go on vacation, the casino, paintball, batting cages, golfing, gun range, skydiving, get a tatoo. Leave little notes once in while, emails, sext a lil, cook something new together.... learn and grow together. have fun together, I think the INTENSE LOVE thing doesnt last very long....MAYBE for couples that are MEANT TO BE.. like soulmates. But that is rare and most of us just fall in love and try to stay in love because the person we are with is amazing just not the absolute perfect match

If you want to be sure that you will always feel the greatest passion for your precious you can manage it the same way you control, program the flow of your thoughts and emotions...

When you want to keep a feeling, good or bad, you keep things in your thoughts what generate and increase the feeling what you want to maintain...

Let's say you are in love with your onlyone as hell, and you always want to be sure that (s)he always feels it through a lot of things you do to her/him, everyday, all the time...

You remember the things and think of those you admire in her/him, explain to yourself inside what the wonderful qualities of hers/his and your life together are, and always keep yourself smiling happily and content knowing that all that wonder surrounds you!

It is also the key of living life fuckin happy all the time, that you look at the little beauties of it and see the greatness in them, feel grateful for all the good around you, and that will always fill you with satisfaction about your life and your chosen one on your side...

I think it is a very important and essential part of life that one learns and knows how to live and stay happy, it gives you and incredible inner balance, and helps you get through the hardest of challenges too, especially when there is someone on your side, because love (full love, of the heart, body, mind and soul) is the very base of a harmonic life to get the energy from to achieve the greatest things, and then not even the gods could stop you!!!

it definitely takes work

You can do all the right things and it can still leave you. I feel there are more things you can do to make it leave than there are things to make it stay.

I don't think that's possible. For some people, working at it works and that's awesome for them, but I think at the same time, there are many people who cannot happily make it work and it would be miserable for them to stay together instead of just leaving and finding someone else better for them.