Are you Familiar with Polyamory?
I'm a practicing polyamorist and have been for years. I've been surprised at how many of us there are who identify as poly! I certainly understand why it wouldn't work for everyone, but for me there is just no other way to be.
I like to say I'm a work share program.
For a very long time I didn't know about poly as an option, and found myself in a series of monogamous relationships that never lasted longer than six months! After my marriage (three years, but we had kids, which complicated decisions), I found the poly community, and most of my relationships have been the longest and most fulfilling of my life, some still going strong coming up on the two plus year mark.
I'm just not happy if my options to love are limited, whether or not my sexual options are. Open relationships are great, but even they aren't enough for me. I need to love equally and fully and frequently to be truly happy.
I like to say I'm a work share program.
For a very long time I didn't know about poly as an option, and found myself in a series of monogamous relationships that never lasted longer than six months! After my marriage (three years, but we had kids, which complicated decisions), I found the poly community, and most of my relationships have been the longest and most fulfilling of my life, some still going strong coming up on the two plus year mark.
I'm just not happy if my options to love are limited, whether or not my sexual options are. Open relationships are great, but even they aren't enough for me. I need to love equally and fully and frequently to be truly happy.
02/24/2011
WHITEMIKE
I am too territorial to share and my wife is the same way. It is funny, we made rules of our relationship before we married. it wasn't similar to negotiations, but it had the feel of ultimatums we both agreed were deal makers and deal breakers.
I don't judge other people for their relationships. It is not m place or interest. So swing away, if you do.
I don't judge other people for their relationships. It is not m place or interest. So swing away, if you do.
03/01/2011
In the fetish community, I find polyamory tends to dominate the community. It's almost harder finding someone to be in a monogamous relationship with you than it is to find a partner who understands your need to have multiple partners. As for myself, I do not think I am strictly polyamorous or monogamous. I like a little bit of flexibility but when it comes down to it at the end of the day I don't have the time and energy to juggle multiple relationships. My current partner is poly and with me as his primary, things have really worked out.
I don't mind that he has multiple partners. But I tried having multiple partners and they all just reminded me why I like him so much better. I can only branch out with girls and people far away on the rare occasion, it seems. I always pick favorites. I'm that person who has a favorite food and eats it for dinner at least five days a week. That's the mostly monogamist streak in me I guess.
I don't mind that he has multiple partners. But I tried having multiple partners and they all just reminded me why I like him so much better. I can only branch out with girls and people far away on the rare occasion, it seems. I always pick favorites. I'm that person who has a favorite food and eats it for dinner at least five days a week. That's the mostly monogamist streak in me I guess.
03/01/2011
Being slutty and polyamorous are not linked but they aren't mutually exclusive either.
I am polyamorous. I am at a loss when asked how many lovers I have. It's a rather complicated math equation. I am definitely a commitment-phile.
I have three primary partners. None of them are sexual with each other but all have other lovers. Only one has as many or more lovers than I do. Three of us are living together but will probably be moving into an additional apt/house since the personalities of my lovers clash and they have decided they would prefer to have my devoted attention alone for 1/3 of the time rather than all be together all the time. A little disappointing for me but I like BIG personalities and it's no surprise that they clash.
They all do their damnedest to clash politely as possible. And we have many shared secondary and terciary lovers. As well as I have other lovers I see separately. I try to plan a monthly weekend or a weeknight together. (If I weren't such a fan of group sex, I couldn't balance 10-20 simultaneous relationships.)
I am polyamorous. I am at a loss when asked how many lovers I have. It's a rather complicated math equation. I am definitely a commitment-phile.
I have three primary partners. None of them are sexual with each other but all have other lovers. Only one has as many or more lovers than I do. Three of us are living together but will probably be moving into an additional apt/house since the personalities of my lovers clash and they have decided they would prefer to have my devoted attention alone for 1/3 of the time rather than all be together all the time. A little disappointing for me but I like BIG personalities and it's no surprise that they clash.
They all do their damnedest to clash politely as possible. And we have many shared secondary and terciary lovers. As well as I have other lovers I see separately. I try to plan a monthly weekend or a weeknight together. (If I weren't such a fan of group sex, I couldn't balance 10-20 simultaneous relationships.)
03/23/2011
I say to each his own! With that said I am have to admit that I am in a monogamous relationship and that is my preference. I like the idea that in a polyamorous relationship you have many partners (or few) but they seem to be kind of long term. I just feel that a long term relationship is more fulfilling. Loving and being with someone for a long while enhances your friendship as well as relationship! Again, nothing negative, but find your happy place and run with it!
03/24/2011
Quote:
My husband and I are poly and love it. I have been part of this "alternative" lifestyle for many years, but am just introducing my husband to it. I believe that the idea of monogamy is archaic. People have too many relationships on too many levels to believe that one will be satisfied with a monogamous relationship for the remainder of his/her sexual lifetime. I compare idea this to nourishment; one cannot be completely satisfied with the same meal everyday for the rest of one's lifetime. Although one will not experience hunger pains, desiring variety will become a major aspect of one's mealtimes and eventually lead to disharmony and resentment. This type of "open" relationship not only encourages honesty with oneself and one's partner on all levels, but will help instill an appreciation of one's partner's attributes and uniqueness. It can also help deter negative influences on the relationship. By negative influences, I refer to bad self-image, lack of communication and feeling dissatisfied. The positive effects of being found desirable by others and seeing your partner appreciated by others can improve ones' self image and help with self confidence and ability to give pleasure. The best way to be the best partner is to be absolutely honest in all things so that trust is implicit and be non-judgmental of all things regarding a partner's sexual curiosities, fantasies and desires. Whether you understand, approve or like what your partner shares, being accepting and letting your partner know that will lead to open communication leave both parties with an intimacy more personal and much deeper than the mainstream marriage experiences.
Originally posted by
Serendipity
From Wikipedia - "Polyamory (from Greek p??? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone
...
From Wikipedia - "Polyamory (from Greek p??? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."
What is your understanding of the practice of polyamory?
This poll is private but please feel free to participate in discussions. If you want to contribute to the discussion, are you poly or would you consider being poly?
What is your understanding of the practice of polyamory?
This poll is private but please feel free to participate in discussions. If you want to contribute to the discussion, are you poly or would you consider being poly?
03/25/2011
Quote:
I agree with you 100%! My husband and I also have a poly relationship. We have certain "rules" that we utilize to ensure no one feels hurt, left out or threatened. Although he does not understand, I prefer no kissing on the mouth be involved when we party with other people. I feel that it is an extremely personal act and keeping that aspect of our relationship ours' alone does not negatively impact the experience, but positively reinforces the part of lives that belongs to us alone. I enjoy our sexual adventures, but do not want a bedroom friend, or my husband for that matter, to become emotionally attached. Emotional separation dissuades one from feeling threatened. When we swing, we don't play separately from each other. As practicing hedonists (and me being a major voyeur), watching the pleasure being given and received is the number one "get-off". If we can't be a part of the action, whether or not we are actually participating, I don't see the point. Going off behind closed doors with someone else defeats the purpose for us and excludes my main enjoyment. Lastly, we try not to party with those who need to be "wined & dined", or courted. Keeping a relationship good is enough work without having to add the efforts of extramarital enjoyment to it. Don't get me wrong, treating people nice is one thing, jumping through hoops is something else altogether! I give that to my husband alone.
Originally posted by
Madeira
One of my roommates (I live with my girlfriend and two roommates) is polyamorous. She's got a steady boyfriend and is dating a few other people as well.
I am not polyamorous. I am polysexual, I like being able to sleep around, but I ...
I am not polyamorous. I am polysexual, I like being able to sleep around, but I ...
One of my roommates (I live with my girlfriend and two roommates) is polyamorous. She's got a steady boyfriend and is dating a few other people as well.
I am not polyamorous. I am polysexual, I like being able to sleep around, but I prefer to be romantically monogamous if you see what I mean. I like being one on one in a couple, always sharing a bed with the same person, and so on and so fourth. Both my partner and I enjoy sleeping with other people (hell it's something we often do together) but I don't relish the idea of loving someone else romantically, or her loving someone else romantically and she feels the same.
I am not polyamorous. I am polysexual, I like being able to sleep around, but I prefer to be romantically monogamous if you see what I mean. I like being one on one in a couple, always sharing a bed with the same person, and so on and so fourth. Both my partner and I enjoy sleeping with other people (hell it's something we often do together) but I don't relish the idea of loving someone else romantically, or her loving someone else romantically and she feels the same.
03/26/2011
I just recently discovered polyamory and that I may in fact be capable of it. The problem is I have been in a committed monogamous relationship for 13 years and I know she is definitely not. I have found someone I am very attracted to and would in fact say in love with who is not my SO. She happens to be starting an open relationship with a primary who is much closer and more suited for her. I am secondary at best for many reasons and I am comfortable with that. I consider her my best friend and only recently discovered that the feelings went deeper. It took a lot of soul searching for me to recognize this and come to terms with this dramatic shift in my world-view and reconcile it with my primary relationship (which to be honest I am still working on).
03/26/2011
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I fully agree with this. I was monogomous for 22 years and just a few months ago realized that I was actually poly. My marriage of 24 years has come to an end and I am starting a poly relationship with a pansexual female. Open and honest communication is crucial to keeping this kind of relationship working. We have absolute trust in each other and know this will take more effort to keep our feelings and desires forefront so the other absolutely knows we are in love and will keep coming back to each other.
Originally posted by
CajunErin
My husband and I are poly and love it. I have been part of this "alternative" lifestyle for many years, but am just introducing my husband to it. I believe that the idea of monogamy is archaic. People have too many relationships on too
...
My husband and I are poly and love it. I have been part of this "alternative" lifestyle for many years, but am just introducing my husband to it. I believe that the idea of monogamy is archaic. People have too many relationships on too many levels to believe that one will be satisfied with a monogamous relationship for the remainder of his/her sexual lifetime. I compare idea this to nourishment; one cannot be completely satisfied with the same meal everyday for the rest of one's lifetime. Although one will not experience hunger pains, desiring variety will become a major aspect of one's mealtimes and eventually lead to disharmony and resentment. This type of "open" relationship not only encourages honesty with oneself and one's partner on all levels, but will help instill an appreciation of one's partner's attributes and uniqueness. It can also help deter negative influences on the relationship. By negative influences, I refer to bad self-image, lack of communication and feeling dissatisfied. The positive effects of being found desirable by others and seeing your partner appreciated by others can improve ones' self image and help with self confidence and ability to give pleasure. The best way to be the best partner is to be absolutely honest in all things so that trust is implicit and be non-judgmental of all things regarding a partner's sexual curiosities, fantasies and desires. Whether you understand, approve or like what your partner shares, being accepting and letting your partner know that will lead to open communication leave both parties with an intimacy more personal and much deeper than the mainstream marriage experiences.
03/30/2011
ud328
Had a professor who was very open about their polyamorous past. It was nice to see another take on how relationships work. Also taught me a lot about what I valued in my relationships. I think that was the best part of talking to them about it, looking at something I took for granted from a completely different perspective.
04/07/2011
This is all incredibly interesting/helpful. Tell me polyamory-pros, what is your insight on my circumstance:
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and returned to having only my primary male partner when he feels threatened/hurt. (I hate breaking hearts.) A single friend of mine with polyamorous tendencies has recently been chompling at the bit to date us. Like any time someone expresses romantic feelings for me, I get tingly butterflies. It's fun to feel pretty and admired.
We toss around the idea between the 3 of us, but nothing has manifested yet. I can't avoid the fact that twice she recently (like in the last 6 months) entered polyamorous relationships with other established MW couples like us. She got controlling, dumped the girl, and then the guy shortly after. Everyone was emotionally distraught and their romantic/social circles were left in shambles. I want to trust my friend's intentions. I want to trust my boyfriend's devotion to me. And I certainly don't believe the false assertion that polyamory is about the sex. . . . but maybe it is for her. I am fearful of my dear friend's black-widow habits. . . It's all very confusing right now
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and returned to having only my primary male partner when he feels threatened/hurt. (I hate breaking hearts.) A single friend of mine with polyamorous tendencies has recently been chompling at the bit to date us. Like any time someone expresses romantic feelings for me, I get tingly butterflies. It's fun to feel pretty and admired.
We toss around the idea between the 3 of us, but nothing has manifested yet. I can't avoid the fact that twice she recently (like in the last 6 months) entered polyamorous relationships with other established MW couples like us. She got controlling, dumped the girl, and then the guy shortly after. Everyone was emotionally distraught and their romantic/social circles were left in shambles. I want to trust my friend's intentions. I want to trust my boyfriend's devotion to me. And I certainly don't believe the false assertion that polyamory is about the sex. . . . but maybe it is for her. I am fearful of my dear friend's black-widow habits. . . It's all very confusing right now
04/07/2011
Quote:
It sounds to me your friend is predatory and just after it for the sex. If you are open with you SO, you could probably make a fun night of it, but i would not let her into your relationship.
Originally posted by
teeny <3
This is all incredibly interesting/helpful. Tell me polyamory-pros, what is your insight on my circumstance:
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and ...
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and ...
This is all incredibly interesting/helpful. Tell me polyamory-pros, what is your insight on my circumstance:
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and returned to having only my primary male partner when he feels threatened/hurt. (I hate breaking hearts.) A single friend of mine with polyamorous tendencies has recently been chompling at the bit to date us. Like any time someone expresses romantic feelings for me, I get tingly butterflies. It's fun to feel pretty and admired.
We toss around the idea between the 3 of us, but nothing has manifested yet. I can't avoid the fact that twice she recently (like in the last 6 months) entered polyamorous relationships with other established MW couples like us. She got controlling, dumped the girl, and then the guy shortly after. Everyone was emotionally distraught and their romantic/social circles were left in shambles. I want to trust my friend's intentions. I want to trust my boyfriend's devotion to me. And I certainly don't believe the false assertion that polyamory is about the sex. . . . but maybe it is for her. I am fearful of my dear friend's black-widow habits. . . It's all very confusing right now
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and returned to having only my primary male partner when he feels threatened/hurt. (I hate breaking hearts.) A single friend of mine with polyamorous tendencies has recently been chompling at the bit to date us. Like any time someone expresses romantic feelings for me, I get tingly butterflies. It's fun to feel pretty and admired.
We toss around the idea between the 3 of us, but nothing has manifested yet. I can't avoid the fact that twice she recently (like in the last 6 months) entered polyamorous relationships with other established MW couples like us. She got controlling, dumped the girl, and then the guy shortly after. Everyone was emotionally distraught and their romantic/social circles were left in shambles. I want to trust my friend's intentions. I want to trust my boyfriend's devotion to me. And I certainly don't believe the false assertion that polyamory is about the sex. . . . but maybe it is for her. I am fearful of my dear friend's black-widow habits. . . It's all very confusing right now
Polyamory means trust and communication between all the parties in the relationship and you don't have that with her.
04/08/2011
Quote:
Sounds like maybe she is a bit commitment-phobic and enjoys sabotaging already fragile relationships. Now mind you that is my opinion just from reading your post...I don't know the woman and she could be very serious and simply had a run of extremely bad luck. Still if she is choosing relationships that ultimately fail then a cooling off period where she fully assesses what is going on would be a great thing for her.
Originally posted by
teeny <3
This is all incredibly interesting/helpful. Tell me polyamory-pros, what is your insight on my circumstance:
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and ...
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and ...
This is all incredibly interesting/helpful. Tell me polyamory-pros, what is your insight on my circumstance:
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and returned to having only my primary male partner when he feels threatened/hurt. (I hate breaking hearts.) A single friend of mine with polyamorous tendencies has recently been chompling at the bit to date us. Like any time someone expresses romantic feelings for me, I get tingly butterflies. It's fun to feel pretty and admired.
We toss around the idea between the 3 of us, but nothing has manifested yet. I can't avoid the fact that twice she recently (like in the last 6 months) entered polyamorous relationships with other established MW couples like us. She got controlling, dumped the girl, and then the guy shortly after. Everyone was emotionally distraught and their romantic/social circles were left in shambles. I want to trust my friend's intentions. I want to trust my boyfriend's devotion to me. And I certainly don't believe the false assertion that polyamory is about the sex. . . . but maybe it is for her. I am fearful of my dear friend's black-widow habits. . . It's all very confusing right now
I have dabbled in polyamory. Occassionally I become fixated on more than one heart. But for the most part I concede and returned to having only my primary male partner when he feels threatened/hurt. (I hate breaking hearts.) A single friend of mine with polyamorous tendencies has recently been chompling at the bit to date us. Like any time someone expresses romantic feelings for me, I get tingly butterflies. It's fun to feel pretty and admired.
We toss around the idea between the 3 of us, but nothing has manifested yet. I can't avoid the fact that twice she recently (like in the last 6 months) entered polyamorous relationships with other established MW couples like us. She got controlling, dumped the girl, and then the guy shortly after. Everyone was emotionally distraught and their romantic/social circles were left in shambles. I want to trust my friend's intentions. I want to trust my boyfriend's devotion to me. And I certainly don't believe the false assertion that polyamory is about the sex. . . . but maybe it is for her. I am fearful of my dear friend's black-widow habits. . . It's all very confusing right now
She might be perfect for you and your boyfriend or it might be the WORST thing to have happen to you. It's a coin toss with any relationship! Still you an stack the odds ion your favor by insisting on spelling out what it is everyone wants from this relationship. If she believes polyamory is just about sex then you should probably walk away or realize that you aren't going to get a deeper committment from her and take it for what it is!
04/08/2011
I think there are as many ways to be poly as there are relationships. Some are completely open without any commitments to anyone, some are being committed to one (or more) people but you can still have sex (or other forms of intimate relations) with others, some are being committed to only one person with purely sexual relations with another person (or people), some are committed relationships with multiple people with no sex outside of them, on and on and on. The possibilities, guidelines set, boundaries, set-ups and inner workings are endless.
12/13/2011
Quote:
We can barely keep up with the difficulties of one "significant other". More then one OTHER person to keep up with???? . No thanks. Glad it works for you.
Originally posted by
Serendipity
From Wikipedia - "Polyamory (from Greek p??? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone
...
From Wikipedia - "Polyamory (from Greek p??? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."
What is your understanding of the practice of polyamory?
This poll is private but please feel free to participate in discussions. If you want to contribute to the discussion, are you poly or would you consider being poly?
What is your understanding of the practice of polyamory?
This poll is private but please feel free to participate in discussions. If you want to contribute to the discussion, are you poly or would you consider being poly?
12/13/2011
