Poly and Doctors

Ansley Ansley
Have you ever lied to avoid judgment from a medical professional when it came time to fess up about the number of lovers you've had for the year? What, if anything, did you do?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
39
No
103
I'll explain in comments
8
Total votes: 150 (147 voters)
Poll is closed
06/12/2011
  • Weekly Special; Buy 1 Vibe, get 1 FREE
  • Save 15% on Luxury Brands
  • Annual Clearance - Save 30%
  • Buy Cascade vibe and save 50% on lubricants!
  • Save 20% on self-lubricating Cascade vibe and sleeve kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
I was involved with a married man last year and he had multiple partners aside from me and his wife. I have ovulation problems as is with PCOS and have to keep a pretty accurate medical history with my doctor. I told him about my relationship and he didn't judge me. It's not their job to judge you, just to make sure that you're healthy. Hiding anything from your doctor is a mistake because if anything happens it's not in your medical history. You should always be open with your doctor. They about bound by HIPPA to not share your information with anyone but you and him/herself.
06/12/2011
Kdlips Kdlips
NOPE
06/12/2011
Inwitari Inwitari
I have lied in the past, just because I was young and didn't need my family doctor telling anyone anything. Now that I am older and married I feel no need to be dishonest.
06/12/2011
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Never lie to a doctor. Something can go untested or undetected, and you'll only have yourself to blame if it blossoms into a huge problem down the line. If you feel your doctor is being judgmental about your choices, find a new doctor. A true medical professional cares about your health, not if your morals match theirs.
06/12/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
I have in the past when I was young and went to the family doctor. Its been a very long time and I dont do that anymore. I care more about my health and I want to stay healthy. I have had a doctor judge me before, but I just switched physicans.
06/12/2011
The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I don't think I could lie to a doctor. That seems like a stupid thing to do.
06/12/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Have you ever lied to avoid judgment from a medical professional when it came time to fess up about the number of lovers you've had for the year? What, if anything, did you do?
I see no reason to lie to a doctor abut my sex life. I am not ashamed of myself or my sex life and if a doctor acts in a shaming manner toward me I fire him and find someone else. My doctor is my partner in health care he NEEDS to know what risks I face so he can help me to stay healthy. My doctor knows everything about our sex lives...and has met our life partner at the birth of our son.

He doesn't 100% approve but he is VERY professional and allows me the same courtesy he demands...for instance he won't put in an IUD because there is a chance of a miscarriage and that is against his morals. I don't hold that against him and he doesn't hold my polyamory against me. If I WANT an IUD he will recommend a colleague whom he trusts to put one in and then monitor me himself. It's a give and take.

I refuse to accept shaming behavior and I refuse to be shamed for being happy and sexually fulfilled.
06/12/2011
married with children married with children
never. I am very open about my relationship with my doctor or anyone else who asks.
06/13/2011
oohlookasquirrel oohlookasquirrel
I had the WORST experience with a nurse recently. I was told that I tested positive for Chlamydia at my last annual physical, which is odd because my boyfriend and I have both been 100% monogamous for over 5 years, and I have been tested every single year along with my pap smear. I'm not really upset because antibiotics cure it just fine, but I am confused about how on earth I supposedly got this disease, with no symptoms and no non-monogamous behavior. So the woman pries into my personal life (long-distance relationship) and tries to convince me that my boyfriend has been cheating on me and lying to me about it. I try to explain that we have an open relationship and that I have given him permission to sleep with other people as long as he is safe and tells me about it, so why on earth would he lie? I know our situation sounds sketchy, but she doesn't know a thing about the relationship, yet here she is, treating me like a naive housewife who could never imagine the possibility that she could be cheated on, making sure I'm not going to kill myself at this news, while I am sobbing in frustration because PMS and the death of a pet the morning of the exam were making me a bit emotionally unstable. There is no way that my boyfriend slept with anybody else.

There is another woman with my name that attends this clinic, and I am convinced that they mixed us up, as they often do when they have to look up my name in the computer. In any case, my boyfriend and I both get a run of antibiotics, even after the boyfriend tested negative, and I refuse to see that terrible woman again.

So, I am open about it, but I will be prepared for future judgmental nurses with a "my romantic life is none of your fucking business and I don't care to discuss it with you further" speech.
06/13/2011
oohlookasquirrel oohlookasquirrel
I DID lie to my lady doctor when I was 16 and went in to treat a UTI, which was undoubtedly linked to my sexual activity. She asked me if I was sexually active, and since I hadn't had penis-in-vagina sex yet, I was still a virgin and technically not having sex, so I wasn't sexually active, right? oh, I've learned so much since then.
06/13/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by oohlookasquirrel
I had the WORST experience with a nurse recently. I was told that I tested positive for Chlamydia at my last annual physical, which is odd because my boyfriend and I have both been 100% monogamous for over 5 years, and I have been tested every ... More
Personally, I would have asked for a retest if there was a possibility of a mix up! At the very least I'd have HIM get tested....that is outrageous!
06/14/2011
Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Personally, I would have asked for a retest if there was a possibility of a mix up! At the very least I'd have HIM get tested....that is outrageous!
Uh yeah. This. If there is no way you could have something why would you even consider taking the antibiotics without a retest.
06/14/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
HIPPA doesn't really protect patients all that much. Anybody with a computer and some hacking skills can get into hospital and insurance records and find anything they want.

HIPPA protects HCPs from being sued, and insurance companies from having to cover things at times. I have a HIPPA contract for my clients, and honestly, it's to protect ME. Basically, my HIPPA contract includes nicely worded things like "If you do something like forget to feed your baby, or let your kid dehydrate and you then refuse to get immediate medical care, or lie to me about how or what you are feeding, it's not my fault when things fuck up. You just agreed to that." But, it sounds all legal (which it is) and nicer. But that is what HIPPA is for, HCPs and insurance companies, it does less for patients than was done for them before HIPPA.

I don't share patients' information with anyone but their doctor, but what the doc does with the info once he gets it is anyone's guess. Once your stuff gets into the system, virtually anybody can see it. I've gotten other people's data all the time, and it's easier to get than before HIPPA and electronic record keeping.

I would be honest....to a point. I would NEVER tell a doctor if you even occasionally use recreational drugs. A "high risk" red flag may be put on your chart, and if you, for any reason, need a controlled substance for even the most severe pain, it will probably be denied you. I've seen it happen more times than I can count. Doctors are pretty conservative people, and the female docs are worse, when it comes to judging you than the men.

Give me a nice male doctor in his 50s or 60s, (Jewish is good, but other is OK, too) who likes me, I can relate to and don't feel I need to bare my soul to about every little thing, but can be honest about the stuff that IS his business, and I'm a happy patient. I do like to get my GYNs young, so I can train them.
06/14/2011
oohlookasquirrel oohlookasquirrel
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Personally, I would have asked for a retest if there was a possibility of a mix up! At the very least I'd have HIM get tested....that is outrageous!
The boyfriend got tested, negative, but his doctor said antibiotics wouldn't hurt so he got some too. The nurse had already written the prescription before we began arguing about my sex life, and I was feeling terrible enough that day without demanding that the nurse swab my cervix and retest me. She would not admit the possibility that the test could be wrong or mixed up, and I didn't want to spend another minute with her. Other doctors and nurses at the same place have been equally stubborn in admitting that my test might have been wrong or mixed up, but these discussions all happened later.

It didn't really matter in the big scheme of things. A good learning experience, at the very least, and thank goodness the scare was about such a curable illness and not HIV or something. Why would I consider taking the antibiotics? Because they were already in my hand before it occurred to me that I might be able to get a retest. My health care provider is not very cooperative, and my finances allow me no other option. I could have come back another day and talked a different nurse into giving me a retest or just take the cheap antibiotics, retest after they'd run their course, and move on. I had enough to worry about that week, and I did not want to waste any more energy arguing with nurses.
06/14/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by oohlookasquirrel
The boyfriend got tested, negative, but his doctor said antibiotics wouldn't hurt so he got some too. The nurse had already written the prescription before we began arguing about my sex life, and I was feeling terrible enough that day without ... More
Good Lord and Lady I don't blame you for taking the script and running! Sounds like she's dealt with too many cheating partners to be able to process an open relationship. Heck it was treatable in the long run and you are healthy, at least you don't have any other infection! LOL

It's a shame we can't trust our health care providers to be discreet and work with us to stay healthy.

Also, I second P'Gells warning...never admit to using recreational drugs because most health care providers read that as addict behavior. Also don't tell them you drink 'socially' as they will sometimes begin to treat you like an alcoholic and miss things otherwise. This happened to my sister and she ended up with two stints near her heart because her Doc thought she was having DTs, when it was actually a heartattack...this despite the causal link between alcohol and heart disease, her abominable tooth decay and the knowledge that our father had quadruple bypass surgery when he was the same age as she is.

As far as sex goes, however, I still advocate for being honest. I found out recently that married woman are almost NEVER given the STD tests they ask for unless they admit to risky behavior. It's just assumed they don't need them...dangerous and stupid thinking but there ya have it.
06/15/2011
Collodion Collodion
I have to agree with most of the posters here - it's always smarter to be honest with your medical "professional".

Filling out the intake forms at Planned Parenthood has gotten me a few raised eyebrows from the nurses, though, as I have had a rich and varied sex life with quite a few partners (including some from "high risk" groups such as bisexual men, those who have used illegal drugs and people under the influence of alcohol. I interpret that last one a bit broadly, but it's better to be too open than to not say enough, eh?)
06/15/2011
Steve of Eden Steve of Eden
When I got my last STD testing done about a month and a half ago I lied lol...

I figured, she didnt need to know the real number... just one person could give me something...luckily I came back all clear... but if I had came back positive for something... her knowing the number wouldnt have changed that
06/28/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Good Lord and Lady I don't blame you for taking the script and running! Sounds like she's dealt with too many cheating partners to be able to process an open relationship. Heck it was treatable in the long run and you are healthy, at least ... More
this is partly why I like going to a low income clinic when it comes to my gyno exams, they do everything regardless of what you say so even though you are married and monogomous they test for everything.
07/05/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by Steve of Eden
When I got my last STD testing done about a month and a half ago I lied lol...

I figured, she didnt need to know the real number... just one person could give me something...luckily I came back all clear... but if I had came back positive for ... More
no but depending on the illness you might come back with, not knowing the true number can cause a health problem in a large part of the population in your area with noone to warn them. I don't particularly like having to be honest about the number, but I know it is best for my health and the health of any of my partners.
07/05/2011
cobiffle cobiffle
i told all about it
07/06/2011
G.L. Morrison G.L. Morrison
I don't lie about drug use or multiple partners, I do find many doctors condescending and its surprising to me that sometimes I have difficulty getting them to take information into account that might be helpful. Questions I have about BDSM practices --particularly dealing with diabetic masochists, etc.

Cheeses! MDs can be fairly squeamish for people who played with dead bodies in med school.
07/06/2011
LostBoy988 LostBoy988
No reason to lie, they can't legally tell anyone else or they are gone.
07/15/2011
emiliaa emiliaa
Nah! I told him. He doesn't really care one way or another, not that it matters, all that matters are the STD test results and that I tell everyone involved. I'm not ashamed of it.
08/04/2011
Steve of Eden Steve of Eden
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
no but depending on the illness you might come back with, not knowing the true number can cause a health problem in a large part of the population in your area with noone to warn them. I don't particularly like having to be honest about the ... More
Well, if I was positive for anything I would tell the people who I have slept with... but luckily I dont have to
08/05/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Have you ever lied to avoid judgment from a medical professional when it came time to fess up about the number of lovers you've had for the year? What, if anything, did you do?
It always amuses me when folks lie or try and deceive their doctors out of shame or embarrassment. Believe me, if you can tell it, the doctor has heard it before, ten times "more" then what you can tell him or her and doctors tend to be..well....let's say if YOU have done it, they probably have done it twice...and with a lampshade on their head. Sure, doctors are human too and run the gamut from shy to wild (yes really), but in general, they are not "shrinking flowers" themselves. Just be honest. Honest.
08/09/2011
Alyxx Alyxx
Haven't really been asked by a doctor.
08/16/2011
CutiePatootie CutiePatootie
It's very rare that I have a good experience with a doctor. So I only give the information that is needed for the reason I'm there.
08/19/2011
cheetahpita cheetahpita
i've always answered their questions honestly, but nothing you can do when they don't believe you - I haven't had sex in the past 4 months, but if I go in with abdomen pain (I've had ovarian cysts, so it could be a problem), they will give me a pregnancy test.
08/24/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by cheetahpita
i've always answered their questions honestly, but nothing you can do when they don't believe you - I haven't had sex in the past 4 months, but if I go in with abdomen pain (I've had ovarian cysts, so it could be a problem), they will ... More
I know it makes little sense to your situation, but there have been so many women with abominal pain wandering in to the ER to give birth!! The problem is no pregnancy is the sme as anyone elses or even previous ones so they err on the side of caution. Besides some of those tests they do for the abdomin can harm a fetus...when a minute with a pee stick would have possibly explained the problem. This is similar to a guy being testd for an STD even though he insists he hasn't had sex for a year or more. It's stil better safe than sorry.
08/30/2011
Total posts: 100
Unique posters: 79