Originally posted by
How do you deal with jealousy, loving two people or more at once? Is it possible to love them equally? Does it seem possible to love only one forever? I can't wait to hear all the opinions.
Such a lot of questions. I'd be interested to hear your take and story as mine is kinda plastered all over the site and this forum in particular!
There are very few actual differences between monogamy and polyamory. In monogamy you love only one other partner but it's not like you don't love ANYONE else! So some of the issues we poly folk face are exactly the same as mono folk just with different titles to the loved ones!
The only real difference is the fact that in a poly relationship there is a different sexual dynamic....then again in a mono relationship there might be nights when you are sleeping with a total stranger (your partner dressed and role playing!) so the same issues can crop up. How many times have you wondered if your partner might not prefer the fantasy you over the real thing? Mmmmhmmm it happens.
Dealing with jealousy takes committment to working on taking care of the root causes for your jealousy. Oh and there is PLENTY of jealousy in mono relationships! He goes out with his friends too much, She has her shopping times that she prefers to time with me, He watches sports too much...the list goes on and on! You have to deal with this issue the exact same way as you deal with 'He/She prefers his new partner to me'.
I will admit to God and everyone that I do not, in fact, love my partners equally. That is impossible, they are not the same person! I do, however, love them with equal intensity and ferosity though sometimes the balance shifts, often in the same day. It's hard to explain but sometimes I catch a scent of Sigel's hair and my heart swells and I am powerfully aware of him and how much I love and NEED him. Then I will hear Arch's voice and melt inside with the fire of how much I love and NEED him. Then they will start talking to each other and having fun and I am filled with how much they enrich my life together and seperately. Yes, the possibility of jealousy is ripe here but so is the possibility of extreme happiness.
I KNOW it's possible to love only one person forever. My grandparents were together from the time they were 20-somthings until he died in his 80s. My parents have been together for over 40 years. My aunts and uncles are also examples of this principle. To be honest, in my family I am the oddity and most cannot understand how I could love both of my guys without favoring one over the other. If Sigel had been wired to be monogamous I would have been content to love only him even though I am actually happier loving more than one partner. My other partner enriches my life he doesn't make my life with Sigel possible or fill in holes that Sigel can't.