What do you think about "free passes" for one-night stands in otherwise monogamous relationships? - from Em and Lo

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What do you think about "free passes" for one-night stands in otherwise monogamous relationships? - from Em and Lo

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Contributor: Em & Lo Em & Lo
This week on EMandLO.com, we asked our Wise Guys this question: “If a guy’s partner told him that he could have a one-night stand with a stranger, no questions asked, and it was guaranteed that his partner wouldn’t freak out about it later — would most guys take their partner up on the offer?”

Their answers were mixed and rather cautious (perhaps because their partners read the site, who knows?!) so we thought we'd ask you guys (& gals) instead: Have you ever considered offering this to your partner, whether male or female? And if it was offered to you, would you accept it?
01/05/2011
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Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
This week on EMandLO.com, we asked our Wise Guys this question: “If a guy’s partner told him that he could have a one-night stand with a stranger, no questions asked, and it was guaranteed that his partner wouldn’t freak out about it later — would ... more
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of us WANTS a one night stand so we don't need to be offered a "free pass". It's not about a fear of being caught, it's about mutual respect and mutual desire only for each other.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
No, I would not offer my partner a one night freebie. Even if I was ok with it at the time, I am certain there would be a point where I questioned him for accepting if he did. If my partner offered this to me, I would consider the offer suspect.

If I am in a monogamous relationship, like Alicia said above, it is voluntary not obligatory. If I want the relationship to change, I will discuss it with my partner. Even in that circumstance, I would not make any one time offers, especially not ones that come with a guarantee on how I will feel about them after the fact.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
I think it sounds like a lot of risk to the relationship for very little benefit. It wouldn't be worth it.

It would also be very out of character for either of us to offer or take up such a deal so I would assume there was something else going on if they made an offer like that.
01/05/2011
Contributor: C4ss C4ss
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of ... more
I agree completely.
A monogamous relationship is an option not an obligation.
01/05/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
No, we would never do this. I think it opens a door for doubt and mistrust and I wouldn't want to risk what we have.
01/05/2011
Contributor: SexyTabby SexyTabby
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of ... more
Agreeing with this post.

Could never and would never. It would lower many aspects of and the quality of our chosen relationship. If you are in a monogamous relationship and aren't happy then you need to communicate with the partner and find an answer or change the relationship. Yes, relationships are full of 'moments' but it doesn't mean the foundation isn't worth standing by. So no I don't believe "free passes" are an answer to happiness for me or the Hubby.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by SexyTabby
Agreeing with this post.

Could never and would never. It would lower many aspects of and the quality of our chosen relationship. If you are in a monogamous relationship and aren't happy then you need to communicate with the partner and ... more
I agree with you! The idea of being with someone other than my husband really makes me uncomfortable. The idea of him being or wanting to be with someone else stomps my spirit. That is not something I believe either of us want, and if he needed a "pass" I would certainly question his happiness within our marriage, and I would expect he would do the same if the role was reversed.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Sensual husband Sensual husband
If you are in a monogamous relationship why would you let someone basically cheat on you with your permission. Does not make sense to me at all.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Contextually I would say no way. Unless there has been extensive talk and agreement about being in a poly relationship - the one night pass is just dynamite waiting to destroy the relationship. If you're already poly - it may be a nice/playful gesture.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Yoda Yoda
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of ... more
Well said. I agree completely.
01/05/2011
Contributor: The Giveaway Diva The Giveaway Diva
I would be so uncomfortable! I have only been with my boyfriend and I don't think I could stomach the thought of being with someone else. I would totally consider it as cheating!

That being said it's a personal preference and all depends on the nature of your relationship
01/05/2011
Contributor: ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
I would never offer it. I am in a monogamous relationship, and it would be pointless and hurtful for me. I try not to even think of my boyfriend having been with other people before me because it just gives me the heebie jeebies. I admit it. I'm jealous like that. The thought of him having sex with someone else while we're together is just...ick.
01/05/2011
Contributor: hornypoet69 hornypoet69
Quote:
Originally posted by Sensual husband
If you are in a monogamous relationship why would you let someone basically cheat on you with your permission. Does not make sense to me at all.
Well if you have permission, it's not cheating. But I'm with most of the people here. In a traditionally monogamous relationship, this seems like a bad idea. And you should never promise how you're going to feel about something, unless you have experience with it.
01/05/2011
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
I'm inherently less monogamous than my partner, and if he offered up a free pass (he has, before, by the way), I would be (and was) absolutely offended.

I felt that he felt that I wasn't able to control my urges to be with other people, and wanted to be with someone else.

When I'm in any serious relationship (not to mention madly in love), I am completely in a relationship, not just partway. I expect my partner to be true to me, and in return, I am true to them.

No free passes in this relationship, nor any serious relationship I have in the future.
01/06/2011
Contributor: potstickers potstickers
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of ... more
I agree totally. I would be offended if I received one, and I know for sure my guy would if I gave him one.
01/06/2011
Contributor: sweet seduction sweet seduction
I wouldn't offer this. A threesome is one thing but I believe going off on your own is completely out of the question.
01/06/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of ... more
What she said!

I absolutely agree.

I gave a pass once (and was given one as well). I changed my mind later and the person pretty much said "no take backs". It ended not much longer after that.
01/06/2011
Contributor: hive83 hive83
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
This week on EMandLO.com, we asked our Wise Guys this question: “If a guy’s partner told him that he could have a one-night stand with a stranger, no questions asked, and it was guaranteed that his partner wouldn’t freak out about it later — would ... more
Not a good idea for a lasting relationship.
01/06/2011
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
As long as the "pass" is agreed upon beforehand and not expected after the fact, then I think it would be ok. Of course, it also depends on the maturity and strength of the relationship of those involved.
01/06/2011
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Don't think it's a good idea. If you're in a monogamous committed relationship you shouldn't go throwing "it's off for tonight" type things in there. Keep it monogamous, keep it committed, and it will last better.
01/06/2011
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I think it's poppycock. There is so such thing as a free pass IMO.
01/06/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
No, I would not offer my partner a one night freebie. Even if I was ok with it at the time, I am certain there would be a point where I questioned him for accepting if he did. If my partner offered this to me, I would consider the offer ... more
Same here, I would not offer and if I did he would probably thing it was weird and wonder why I offered, looking for an underlying meaning that I'm not actually mentionning. I would be suspicious if he offerred this to me also. I would wonder 'so if he says I can have a free pass, maybe he has cheated on me and wants to make sure we're even...maybe he's bored and wants to look else where...'
01/06/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
Same here, I would not offer and if I did he would probably thing it was weird and wonder why I offered, looking for an underlying meaning that I'm not actually mentionning. I would be suspicious if he offerred this to me also. I would wonder ... more
Exactly.
01/06/2011
Contributor: leatherlover leatherlover
I would not offer it, and I would be upset if it was offered to me. I love being in a monogamous relationship.
01/07/2011
Contributor: Vaccinium Vaccinium
My wife and I have completely different feelings on this. She's totally against it. I feel that sex outside marriage is fine so long as it is just that-- sex. For example, if she's out-of-town and gets horny and wants to sleep with some gut (or girl, for that matter), that's fine. However, I'd consider it cheating if she entered a relationship with someone else. In other words, she could only truly "cheat on me" if she has sex with someone with whom she has fallen in love. Sins of the flesh aren't sins in my book. Sins of the heart are.

All this said, since she has no desire to see me have me have sex with anyone else, I respect her position on that and haven't tried. I don't hold her to the same standard, though, and she knows this.
01/07/2011
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by leatherlover
I would not offer it, and I would be upset if it was offered to me. I love being in a monogamous relationship.
Agreed!
01/07/2011
Contributor: deletedacct deletedacct
Quote:
Originally posted by sweet seduction
I wouldn't offer this. A threesome is one thing but I believe going off on your own is completely out of the question.
Well said.
01/07/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
Hail no. Hehe. No I wouldn't offer it nor do I want my husband to offer it to me. We made a commitment to each other and not to other people.
01/26/2011
Contributor: Crystal1 Crystal1
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
No, would not offer it to my husband, and I'm pretty sure he'd be offended if I did. See, we're not monogomous because we HAVE to be, we're monogomous because we want to be. We don't want to be with anyone else. Neither one of ... more
I love this response. If I'm in a committed relationship with someone, it's because I choose to be with them alone, and all that comes with that.
01/26/2011