What do you find offensive?

Referring to tran- people with derogatory or incorrect terms is one that has been oddly coming up lately. People have sometimes said thing out of not understand or being uneducated on the subject, so they have said things that are completely offensive. Should I say the terms, or refrain from doing so? I would truly prefer to not. less

This is just my opinion:

I've seen some fights between members here, not to mention I've even been in a fight as well. I believe to avoid most of this, people should just take things to PMs if it becomes heated; this way no one can join in. Plus, who wants to see that drama flooding a review page? It would be nice to have the voting system attached to the comments as well. Meaning, you cannot vote a review up or down without leaving a comment. Or hell, just make it so that a user cannot vote down on a person's review without leaving a comment! There's abuse between members with that voting system whether or not now you can see who votes, and that can sometimes cause arguments as well.

I'm not totally sure why people like to openly fight on here, but there's a lot of ego-battles and people take their rating and number of reviews/toys very seriously. I'm not saying everyone is like this, but I've been very rudely told I can't really speak since I'm a "newer" reviewer and have done less assignments. Certain people like that aren't the majority here on Eden, but like I said, people get too serious about this type of stuff and I honestly believe it's because critiquing is not really a common thing here.

I believe this community is more set on the actual reviews, becoming a reviewer, posting on the forums and getting free items monthly. There's no real emphasis on criticism. Perhaps Eden should focus somewhat more on criticism so that when a user critiques another user's review (and by critique and criticism I mean the respectful, nice kind) it won't be so foreign! I love reading the reviews here, but I'm also a writer and it's just part of the whole side of me that writes--I read over other people's work and see how they can possibly make it better.

Coming back to more of Laurel's point, so far, I have yet to read any reviews where the user used slang or anything of that sort to offend me. Sometimes people get offended over another user's opinions, which to me is pointless, because then they're itching to start a fight. I agree with what Laurel has said 100%, I just believe to avoid conflicts and avoid heated arguments, other steps have to be taken as well. No one is perfect here and there should be a mutual respect between members; different opinion, different rating or not. The only thing that offends me is the lack of respect and the abuse of many options on this site.

=) less

I have seem some derogatory terms out there, but I don't believe that they are there to insult people. I think it is the reviewer being ignorant. Not that being ignorant is an excuse, but it is something to keep in mind. In my opinion the reviews that are out there to insult people are worse than the ones that unintentionally do it.

Someone above said that she has seen reviews that put curves on a pedestal, but I have also seen the opposite. I've seen the reviews that put the smaller sized women on as the 'better' people. It goes both ways with that one... I think both are just as offensive.

I try not to take offense, and very rarely do. I figure that the people who are being offense aren't the good reviewers and they wil drop this eventually... less

I am not super easily offended. I'm not fond of the term 'fag/got' or implications that anal play = gay but I try to be reasonable. Compared to the rest of the internet, this site is both incredibly PC and PG (in terms of behaviours) and I sometimes think people expect others to be too accommodating. less

You're absolutely right! It doesn't matter if it's smaller, larger, or "average" sized women (or any other body type). Putting any one type on a pedestal can be offensive to everyone else. I wasn't saying that one was worse than the other, just that personally, that offends me. less

I appreciate your perspective Sephy, but I'd rather we didn't get off topic. I'd like this to be strictly about terminology that may be hurtful to others.

By offering up that information, we give others the opportunity to respect those views when, in the past there may have been a lack of respect due to simply being unaware. less

I have to admit I find it offensive in some weird way when people say things like "this was too big for me cuz I'm a very thin person" or "my wife is small, she goes to the gym every day, so this might work better for larger women" or "I'm small, around 100 pounds, so this was never going to fit inside me".

Why? Because weight has very little to do with vaginal size.

And it rather sounds like larger women, women who weigh a bit more, must have huge, gaping, cavernous vaginas.

Bone structure may make a difference. But weight? Nope. I've seen tiny, teeny, super thin women take a fist. And plenty of larger ones who can't.

Not that it's a huge deal or going to make me freak out but it is something to think about. less

Lately we've had several people contact us regarding terminology used in reviews.

Often, offensive terminology is used, not out of disrespect, but simply not being aware that some find certain slang or phrasing hurtful.

So, I thought, let's talk about it. I don't believe too many of us are particularly interested in offending people purposefully and would welcome the opportunity to learn. What better way to learn about particular terms that people find hurtful or offensive by starting a discussion in the forum where nobody is singled out or attacked?

Because this can be a particularly hot topic that stirs up what people are passionate about, I'd like to make a few suggestions:

1. Please do not reference a specific review you found offensive or a person who used an offending term. This is not meant to call anyone out or point fingers, but simply to educate. Generally specify the words or phrasing and perhaps explain a bit why you find it offensive. (Remember the internet is international and while the reason you find something offensive may seem obvious to you, it may not be even remotely familiar to someone from a different country or for whom your language is not their first language.)

2. Please do not argue with anyone who posts about something they find offensive. The point of this is to give people something to think about, not challenge or debate the legitimacy of the offense. less

I more often find myself in situations where I am reading a review (or even forum post) and seeing something that makes me think "Wow. That was kind of insensitive to a certain group of people," rather than "I personally feel offended and hurt by that." Maybe it's because I don't identify with many labels? For example, when I see someone using a derogatory term for homosexuals or transgendered individuals, I find it offensive on those individuals' behalves, not my own.

The things I find offensive, personally:

--"Made in China" listed as a con. I admit that I am SUPER biased in this, since it's a country (sort of) near and dear to my heart. I don't think that people realize that if it's shoddy worksmanship, it's not technically China's fault, it's the company's fault for being cheap. There are products made in China that don't contain lead or buttons that fall off... they're just less cheap to produce than the ones that do. Anyway, it's just indicative of a sweeping generalization--"All things made in China are crap"--that I find offensive. Not just because I disagree with it, but because it feels like an ignorant, arrogant, statement.

--Insensitivity towards less-curvy women. This doesn't make me mad, it just makes me sad. Even though hormonal birth control may have supplied me with slight curves that I'm not genetically entitled to, I still feel like a skinny, flat-chested woman inside. When I review something that's meant to be worn, whether it be lingerie or a harness, I try to include all body types into my review. I steer clear away from terms that favor one body type over the other. So when I see a review (or article or post) that suggests that curvier women are more desirable because only their bodies are realistically proportioned, I feel like I'm being called an anorexic, underfed, stick person.

Soooo not much, really. More often, what I find offensive is actual behavior on the site. Someone will give criticism on a review, and the reviewer will be so incensed at this criticism that the reviewer will proceed to yell at the voter, privately or publicly, until the voter either apologizes or ignores the complaints. This particularly annoys me when the reviewers themselves take pride in being critical voters. When questioned about their critical votes, they will claim that they're helping the reviewer grow. That's very good, but when these critical reviewers receives critical votes? They hound the voters down. Double standard much?

Of course, there are critical voters out there who can give AND receive critical votes and comments courteously. For these members of the community, I am thankful.

Finally, bullying of newer reviewers. This never happened to me. When I was new, the more experienced members of the site were great to me. I felt guided; I felt mentored. Now, however, I'm seeing a rise in disrespectful behavior from the veterans to the newbies. Not every newbie is a bad reviewer--we should be helping them out, not shouting them down! less

As far as reviews, I saw one where a guy referred to a transgendered person as "It" and I found that extremely offensive.

The other thing that both Alan and I find offensive is the tag that EF has in place for "Middle aged couples." What? Do we Fu** so differently than everyone else that we need our own label? If that's true, then why is there no separate tag for "Twenty Somethings?"
A friend of ours has an issue with the "Baby Boomers" tag for the same reasons. less

I more often find myself in situations where I am reading a review (or even forum post) and seeing something that makes me think "Wow. That was kind of insensitive to a certain group of people," rather than "I personally feel offended and hurt by that." Maybe it's because I don't identify with many labels? For example, when I see someone using a derogatory term for homosexuals or transgendered individuals, I find it offensive on those individuals' behalves, not my own.

The things I find offensive, personally:

--"Made in China" listed as a con. I admit that I am SUPER biased in this, since it's a country (sort of) near and dear to my heart. I don't think that people realize that if it's shoddy worksmanship, it's not technically China's fault, it's the company's fault for being cheap. There are products made in China that don't contain lead or buttons that fall off... they're just less cheap to produce than the ones that do. Anyway, it's just indicative of a sweeping generalization--"All things made in China are crap"--that I find offensive. Not just because I disagree with it, but because it feels like an ignorant, arrogant, statement.

--Insensitivity towards less-curvy women. This doesn't make me mad, it just makes me sad. Even though hormonal birth control may have supplied me with slight curves that I'm not genetically entitled to, I still feel like a skinny, flat-chested woman inside. When I review something that's meant to be worn, whether it be lingerie or a harness, I try to include all body types into my review. I steer clear away from terms that favor one body type over the other. So when I see a review (or article or post) that suggests that curvier women are more desirable because only their bodies are realistically proportioned, I feel like I'm being called an anorexic, underfed, stick person.

Soooo not much, really. More often, what I find offensive is actual behavior on the site. Someone will give criticism on a review, and the reviewer will be so incensed at this criticism that the reviewer will proceed to yell at the voter, privately or publicly, until the voter either apologizes or ignores the complaints. This particularly annoys me when the reviewers themselves take pride in being critical voters. When questioned about their critical votes, they will claim that they're helping the reviewer grow. That's very good, but when these critical reviewers receives critical votes? They hound the voters down. Double standard much?

Of course, there are critical voters out there who can give AND receive critical votes and comments courteously. For these members of the community, I am thankful.

Finally, bullying of newer reviewers. This never happened to me. When I was new, the more experienced members of the site were great to me. I felt guided; I felt mentored. Now, however, I'm seeing a rise in disrespectful behavior from the veterans to the newbies. Not every newbie is a bad reviewer--we should be helping them out, not shouting them down! less

As far as reviews, I saw one where a guy referred to a transgendered person as "It" and I found that extremely offensive.

The other thing that both Alan and I find offensive is the tag that EF has in place for "Middle aged couples." What? Do we Fu** so differently than everyone else that we need our own label? If that's true, then why is there no separate tag for "Twenty Somethings?"
A friend of ours has an issue with the "Baby Boomers" tag for the same reasons. less

As far as reviews, I saw one where a guy referred to a transgendered person as "It" and I found that extremely offensive.

The other thing that both Alan and I find offensive is the tag that EF has in place for "Middle aged couples." What? Do we Fu** so differently than everyone else that we need our own label? If that's true, then why is there no separate tag for "Twenty Somethings?"
A friend of ours has an issue with the "Baby Boomers" tag for the same reasons. less