Straight Males: Would you be offended...?

vanilla&chocolate vanilla&chocolate
I have found that the most comfortable way for me to give a blowjob involves using my hand on the bottom of the shaft while using my tongue and lips around the head and the top part. However, a couple of times while doing this, I have been asked to remove my hand and have experienced throat-fucking (there really is no other term for it) as a result. I started to gag, cough, and tear up. So my question is, what would you think if I asked if I could just go back to my previous technique?
03/24/2012
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Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
If you're choking and gagging, that's just bad, no ifs, ands, or buts. Your own comfort is important too, and a guy should be able to respect that. I don't know your exact situation, but perhaps he doesn't realize the level of discomfort you're feeling. Don't worry about offending him and bring it up. Perhaps if he doesn't want your hand, you could talk and work out a different solution that works for both of you.

If I was in this situation, and the guy didn't want to listen or work things out, I'd simply say, "Okay then, no more blowjobs. I like breathing too much." That's me, though.
03/24/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
I agree, either tell him you have to use your hand, too, or tell him that it's no more oral sex. I do this, too (I have an awful gag reflex) and I've never heard any complaints.
03/24/2012
Alyxx Alyxx
I agree, too. Let him know how uncomfortable it is for you.
03/24/2012
Beck Beck
I am going to echo everyone else. Your comfort in giving a blow job is really important. If he can't respect it then, don't do it anymore. I never had any issue with gagging, but if it is that bad then he should respect that you are at least trying.
03/24/2012
underHim underHim
Just a suggestion, lube up your fingers well with lube or spit and form a ring around his cock with your pointer and middle fingers as well as your thumb. Do not place it around the base of his cock, instead place it around the shaft right under your mouth and keep your hand in pace with your mouth going up and down. Keep your hand firmly around and is will give a nice sensation, not quite the same as the mouth gives, but is will feel to him like you are going deeper than you are and it can be more comfotable for those who have trouble deepthroating, it is what I used to do until my gag refled got more used to it. I used to throw up very easily, and now I can fully deep throat my husband without any issue (as long as I do not have a full stomach or any fizzy sodas right before)
03/24/2012
Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
If you're choking and gagging, that's just bad, no ifs, ands, or buts. Your own comfort is important too, and a guy should be able to respect that. I don't know your exact situation, but perhaps he doesn't realize the level of ... More
^ This. People can be so selfish. "How DARE you give me a blowjob, just because you're not doing it EXACTLY how I want, despite the alternative harming you physically!" That's ignorant.

I'd say either tell them they don't get oral sex, then, or try to come to a compromise that won't hurt you. Your safety and comfort is more important to some dumb guy getting his rocks off.
03/24/2012
spunkmonkey spunkmonkey
If you are not enjoying any part of your sexual experience, then you two need to talk about it and fix the situation.
03/24/2012
irishlove irishlove
I use the same technique. Guys need to face it, we can't all have the same skills as a porn star. My bf has never asked me to remove my hand but what I do is every once in a while remove my hand and just slowly take in as much of him as I can. While doing so I'll use the tip of my tongue to slide against the underside of his shaft. I hear besides the head, the underside of the shaft is the most sensitive.
03/24/2012
x203 x203
if he doesn't care about your comfort then don't give him blowjobs because he doesn't deserve it then. If you can't deep throat then don't.
03/24/2012
indiglo indiglo
Personally, my opinion? Who cares if he's offended? He's physically hurting you - does that offend you? It would offend me.

Any time something is hurting or uncomfortable or you just don't like it, we should ALWAYS speak up. We can do it nicely as opposed to be rude and confrontational, but it's really important to stick up for yourself. A man that loves you will be eager to hear those cues from you so he can better please you. If he gets upset or offended that you aren't "doing it right" then I would tend to think he probably doesn't love you. Best wishes!
03/24/2012
butts butts
aw man, if someone does something you don't like, especially gagging or pain, let them know! If they can't respect your comfort, they don't deserve that BJ. Some people like gagging, let them know that you don't!
03/24/2012
vanilla&chocolate vanilla&chocolate
Everyone, thank you so much for the great advice. You are all so helpful and have instilled in me that I NEED to speak up. What was sad was that during it, he clearly saw that I was gagging, but resumed what he had been doing. I think a more considerate person would have allowed me to modify my technique. Next time, I'm going to be more assertive so that we can BOTH derive pleasure from the act.
03/25/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by vanilla&chocolate
Everyone, thank you so much for the great advice. You are all so helpful and have instilled in me that I NEED to speak up. What was sad was that during it, he clearly saw that I was gagging, but resumed what he had been doing. I think a more ... More
This could be a result of porn, if he watches it. That's how a lot of guys end up with behaviors like this. Until he's educated about what's really going on behind the scenes on set for these films, he won't really understand the difference between real sex and porn sex. It's not entirely his fault and he should be more considerate if he cares about you in any way.
03/25/2012
Silverdrop Silverdrop
Good grief, if I started gagging, my bf would stop immediately and check to make sure I'm alright. That's just really insensitive of him to keep going when you're gagging. If he does it again, push him off. If he still doesn't stop, use your teeth.
03/25/2012
Tork48309 Tork48309
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverdrop
Good grief, if I started gagging, my bf would stop immediately and check to make sure I'm alright. That's just really insensitive of him to keep going when you're gagging. If he does it again, push him off. If he still doesn't stop, ... More
Well said Silverdrop.
03/25/2012
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by vanilla&chocolate
Everyone, thank you so much for the great advice. You are all so helpful and have instilled in me that I NEED to speak up. What was sad was that during it, he clearly saw that I was gagging, but resumed what he had been doing. I think a more ... More
Good! And I really think Stormy makes a great point about your bf being confused about the differences between porn and real sex. Especially as teenager (I'm assuming he's the same age as you, or at least close - my apologies if that isn't true) he probably has way more experience with porn than with real girls, so he hasn't yet learned what real, actual humans do.

I hope you can talk about it in a constructive way, and come to an amicable arrangement!
03/25/2012
ejrbrndps ejrbrndps
i would never do that to my girl......
03/25/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Problem is some guys like the feeling the throat and mouth gives when you are gagging. However, most men will admit a happy partner giving their genitals some enthusiastic attention is way more appealing than an unhappy partner. Talk to him and let him know that you are willing to remove your hand if he stays still and lets YOU control the depth and speed. when i was teaching my guys how deep they could penetrate my mouth/throat without pain and gagging I used a stretchy cock ring to mark the farthest point and then they had a reference and my hand wasn't in the way. I could let my resistance go and really enjoy the experience.
03/25/2012
PurpleCat23 PurpleCat23
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Problem is some guys like the feeling the throat and mouth gives when you are gagging. However, most men will admit a happy partner giving their genitals some enthusiastic attention is way more appealing than an unhappy partner. Talk to him and let ... More
That's a fantastic idea. I never thought about using a cock ring. Genius.
03/25/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'll echo a few other people on here. If you're not comfortable doing something, say something. It's hard to know when the right time to bring it up is, but definitely NOT in the moment. It can ruin a fun night, as long as your "no" is respected. I'd suggest bringing it up the next day or some other time before the next intimate encounter.

Worrying about choking and gagging is the main reason I can't enjoy receiving oral sex.
03/26/2012
vanilla&chocolate vanilla&chocolate
I will admit that I was slightly intoxicated at the time, so it did not exactly occur to me to tell him that I wanted to control the speed/depth. I have learned a lesson, though, and in the future I will try to give oral pleasure SOBER!
03/27/2012
Peaches2000 Peaches2000
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverdrop
Good grief, if I started gagging, my bf would stop immediately and check to make sure I'm alright. That's just really insensitive of him to keep going when you're gagging. If he does it again, push him off. If he still doesn't stop, ... More
Silverdrop, you're to cute for words! LOL! Great advice!
04/15/2012
michael scofield michael scofield
Quote:
Originally posted by vanilla&chocolate
I have found that the most comfortable way for me to give a blowjob involves using my hand on the bottom of the shaft while using my tongue and lips around the head and the top part. However, a couple of times while doing this, I have been asked to ... More
im sorry but i would prolly grab you head and attempt to throat fuck you then
04/15/2012
Llahsram Llahsram
I couldn't do that to my wife. I'm grateful that she loves to give head. I'll give some direction, but I'm certainly not going to complain or rape her mouth.
04/15/2012
sextoylover sextoylover
If you were choking, gaging and tearing. I would of course let u go back to your technique
07/01/2012
MrWood MrWood
As a man, I love it when my gf puts her hand around the bottom of my shaft. Perhaps though, you may be touching his prostate area which makes him fill uncomfortable. Try cupping his balls instead, so that your fingers stay away from his anus. Just a thought.
08/16/2012
Two Grand Two Grand
I had a night when I was drinking heavy and tried to make my GF deep throat me she started to gag and I didn't stop. She grabbed my balls and started to squeeze, I quicky let go of her head and told her how sorry I was, before she showed me the door.
08/17/2012
playsalot playsalot
When recieveing oral sex I am happy getting it however is comfortable for the person giving it. If your lover doesn't respect you I would find another lover.
08/20/2012
wrock wrock
Quote:
Originally posted by vanilla&chocolate
I have found that the most comfortable way for me to give a blowjob involves using my hand on the bottom of the shaft while using my tongue and lips around the head and the top part. However, a couple of times while doing this, I have been asked to ... More
Anyone getting a Blow Job should enjoy it. If your not enjoying giving it then your not going to want to do it for long or again. Therefor I would be happy with however your doing it and enjoy what I got. Unless your biting your just comepletely bad but getting a bad blow job is like getting a bad million dollar winning lottery ticket there isnt one.
09/04/2012
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