would you do it?

If I were a guy in this situation I would want to talk about it first, then try something lighter first. If she's ok with lighter and wants to move on, I see no problem with taking baby steps towards it. That way there's time to build trust and to avoid a mental breakdown.

I think flat-out tell her no, that may make the past experiences seem oppressive, like she can't expand sexually because of it. Feeling barred by the experience even though you think you're ready to overcome it would not be good.

So yeah, my process would be...
Talk about it, start with something lighter, SLOWLY move forward (keeping an eye out for stress), then if she's ok with all of that can try the scene. And sound open and positive throughout, not like you're doubtful that she can do it.

I would definitely want to talk about it more, but I wouldn't deny them based on their past. Rape victims aren't children, they can choose for themselves what they want to do in bed.

I won't play out any rape fantasy with anyone, because I just don't think it's right.
Rough sex is okay, but that's completely different from rape.

I've been in this situation before as a teen. I told her that I would go through with the rape fantasy, but after each time she requested it, I said, "Okay, but remember that you can stop me any time. If you stop enjoying it, please stop me right away."

I obviously did my best to help her get through it emotionally.

I'm not sure how it would be different if it were a man because I've never been in that situation. I like to think I would have dealt with it the same way.

In most people who regularly practice "rough sex" or BDSM, this type of thing is called "Ravishment Play" rather than "rape." That makes a difference between a non-consensual thing (which rape is)and a consensual one.

Ravishment Fantasies are one of the most common fantasies among women. There NOTHING "wrong with it." It's common and NORMAL. Most women probably have Ravishment Fantasies because our society tells us sex is "wrong" and in a Ravishment, one can pretend one is not making the choice to have sex, although one is.


MANY women have had rape, trauma, abuse in their backgrounds. Some of us have chosen to shed the "victim" idea, worked on ourselves, and dealt with it in a way which allows this type of play with no psychological stress. For some people, it is even therapeutic, as they ARE in control and certainly NOT a victim, as opposed to actual rape, in which one is a victim, at least during the act. Whether to remain a "victim" is up the individual. I worked on my past and choose to NOT be one.

Having a "Safe Word" and knowing you can stop at any time eases the pain and puts you in control. It can actually be quite freeing. If she has "obvious mental issues about it" then those do need to be worked on, usually in therapy in addition to self introspection.

As long as a sexual act is consensual for both partners, there is not such thing as "wrong." How can something both people agree to and enjoy be "wrong?"

I would definitely recommend talking to her about it first and starting slow, but if she's really into it I don't see a problem. Just make sure she knows she can stop it at any time.

Strange. I actually was raped... it'll actually make 5 years since it happened in 2 days! So weird that I came across this as the date is only 2 days away.

Anyways I'm a female, but still voted for myself and partner. I couldn't have rape fantasies after actually being raped. I am still having a hard time with light bondage and being tied down which I do like, but the issues come up and just ruin it from time to time. My partner still worries about things because of that and there's no way he could act that out and I couldn't ever want it. I dont want to relive that shit. But maybe I'm that way because it was so violent for me. I almost died! I was beaten to a pulp and had severe rib bruising and bite marks. I still have scars on my stomach and under my right breast from him biting me and when I catch a glimpse of them I get upset. Even 5 years later I don't think I will ever have a rape fantasy or be able to even think of that. If I asked my partner to act that out for me after having it actually happen he would probably be really concerned and sad. He's lived with the nightmares of it almost as much as I have. I like being rough and being pushed on the bed, but nothing close to rape.

As someone from the other side of it (I was sexually abused as a child), I can understand why someone would want to do this. It's about taking control of the situation.

I would compromise. I would not want to act out any type of rape fantasys, especially if my partner has a history of rape. As someone who has suffered sexual abuse. I would NEVER want to act it out in any way, I personally feel it could do more damage than good. I would hope my partner would settle for rough sex.

I've been in this boat, except I wasn't raped. I was molested as a young child (five or six y/o) and coerced into losing my virginity as a younger teen (sixteen y/o). I've asked my boyfriend about it, but in the end I realize that it's best not to bring back the past because I know that being grabbed from behind triggers my fight/flight instinct and I've (quite a few times) either fisted somebody right in the mouth of elbowed their gut because they grabbed me without warning. I'd hate to know what might happen if I took this to the bedroom!

get por help

I would like to help

I'm actually the girlfriend with non-consent fantasies and a history of abuse. It's pretty common for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I don't know about rape survivors, though.

It makes sense to me. I went through a period in my life where my sexuality was not under my control. It was horrible, and traumatic, and it will always influence the way I experience sex and sexuality.

But, for me, playing with consent and submission are good. There's a model of trauma recovery that posits the theory that victims are driven to re-live the event to help make sense of it. I think that's true for me. I put myself in a situation wherein I pretend to give up control, but now I'm in my partner's hands. She loves me, and she won't hurt me, and I get to re-write my story. I'm not a victim now. I'm a survivor.

definitely talk to him/her. in depth. go to couples counseling, no matter what.

I'd try to help them in whatever way I could. Fetishes come about in many ways, and a "rape fantasy" is fairly common- who am I to say that that is where it was derived.

I'd do whatever I could to be certain this was something healthy, and that it wouldn't be damaging to her. And of course, work up to it and communicate to see what is okay and what's not. If it's something she WANTS, I think it could be more harmful to just tell her no, assuming I was willing/interested in doing it with her.

This is a really hard question to answer. I really don't know if I could, I guess if she got a free pass from her psychologist and was 100% fine with it and it helped her maybe. But I don't like violent sex so...

I do not think I could help my partner act that out again after it had hurt them so before.