Need some serious answers here :)

The New Intimacy

Need some serious answers here :)

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Contributor: Iggins09 Iggins09
The question I'm going to ask I know will get divided answers, but I just want some opinions. I've been married almost 1.5 months now. I've been with my husband for about 1.5 years. I've been bi-curious even before I met my husband and from time to time I found myself having urges to be with a woman or to at least mess around with a woman. I'm not complaining that I married a man because I love him very much. I don't understand why I have these urges. I'm thinking it's because I didn't explore them before I was married. I did have a sexual experience with a woman once back in college, but I was shit-faced drunk. My husband has kind of said that he doesn't want anyone else in the bedroom. I've brought up the idea of having a threesome with 2 girls, but he doesn't seem to keen on the idea. Before I met my husband, I was considered switching teams, but I never did because I didn't know where to start and frankly, I was scared to.

Has anyone else felt like this and what did you do? I know it would be cheating to go out and mess around with a girl. I don't have any girls as friends sadly and would like to meet some because the only person I ever hang around is my husband.

Please let me know what you think .
05/03/2011
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Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Be honest with your husband, talk openly about your attraction and fantasys, maybe one day he will be comfortable with it.
05/03/2011
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
I'm pansexual, in a long-term heterosexual relationship. I know where you're coming from, sort of. I've been with women before, but I find myself wanting to be with a woman again. I miss it.

I'm fairly sure that I will never be with another woman. My suggestion is to fantasize about it, because your fantasies will likely be better than any reality. Watch lesbian porn. Porn and fantasies are harmless and victimless. For me, porn and fantasies are enough to keep the urge at bay.

As for female friends, get some! Volunteer at community places in your city (like the library, Big Brother/Big Sister, etc), take up a hobby (such as knitting, scrapbooking, painting), take some classes at a local university on a topic you enjoy. Friends are important to have--it'll ultimately make you a more interesting person (not that you're not interesting already!).
05/03/2011
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I've been married much longer but have found myself in almost the same exact situation. If your husband is not open to a three-some (which doesn't appeal to me or my husband either, personally) nor is interested in having an open relationship then you have some figuring out to do.

You need to figure out if you're wanting this because it's a part of you or if it's just a fantasy. You need to figure out if this fantasy never becoming reality is something you can live with. You need to figure out if your husband is enough or if you want something else entirely. There's a lot of soul-searching involved in this and it's not always a search that goes quickly or easily.

That said, I agree with Annemarie. Fantasizing about it can help keep the urges at bay, and there is some wonderful pornography out there. I would recommend anything from Pink and White or Good Dyke Porn. (Personally, I find that most "girl on girl" stuff is more of a het-norm guy's fantasy of what two women will be like... good lesbian porn will include real lesbians and real orgasms...)
05/03/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Doesn't want to bring another person into the bedroom? Why not use the living room? ha!

Seriously though, good luck with that! There's a line between being honest and comfortable and putting your foot down.

Ray of light: You've only been together for a couple years, who knows how things might change down the road, after 5-10 years?
05/04/2011
Contributor: Miss B Haven Miss B Haven
I have been bi-sexual as long as I can remember but I didn't share that with my husband until we had been together for a few years. Now we invite girlfriends into our bed often and have a rather open relationship. JR makes a good point, things can change quickly in a relationship. I would keep your communication open and honest, things will work out
05/04/2011