How To Be a Dominant Diva - review by Luscious Lily

This gem is a book of 69 games and scenarios for you and your significant other that will guide you through discovering your inner Dominant Diva. Written by a professional dominatrix and a sex-advice writer for various magazines, they help you to discover that Diva for yourself, and give you a solid push in the right direction.

Each fold-out session has a summary (with level of daring, approximate cost, and special notes), a list of suggested props, instructions for set-up, and a “Game On!” section describing your task. Most of the sessions are intended for the Diva to read and lead, but some order the book turned over to her man. Some involve pampering his diva; others, being handed the reins of control.

Many of the passion props are everyday items: shoelaces, ice cubes, scarves, candles. Others involve more kink-specific props and paraphernalia, from blindfolds and cuffs to vibrators and butt plugs. And to take some of the apprehension out of buying a toy, the act of purchase itself is built into some of the games.

There are a wide variety of games, but most can be grouped into a set of overlapping categories. There are many that spice up “the usual” with general teasing and tormenting. Some are for when the diva’s man goes out of town. Others involve computers and internet. Some center around spending time bonding and spoiling each other. Many involve light (and not-so-light) bondage, and easing into spanking. There are a selection of “training” games, starting with making him wear a cock ring or your silky thong all day as a reminder of you, and going up to footstool and sex slave training.

The largest category is role-play. They run the gamut from female-dominant to male-dominant, consensual force to pampering, and pushing the boundaries on taboos like phone sex, porn, genderplay, sex as other people, and sex in forbidden situations and places. Among the ever-popular identity changes are a deadly lady-thief robbing his house, a schoolgirl and teacher, a blackmailer with a secret sex tape, cop-and-inmate, and the admittedly silly seduction and sex as superheroes.

While a great resource and fun read, there are some flaws to this book. The greatest pertains to what is safe to use in and on a vagina, and what is not. For example, in a massage scene, they suggest using baby oil as lube, even after stating in the introduction that it breaks down latex condoms; they never mention that using oil-based lubes in the vagina can lead to irritation and infections. Also, many massage oils aren’t safe to use as lubes for another reason: the essential oils often used can cause serious irritation to that tender flesh. You’re better off with either a dual-purpose massage oil/lube, or two separate products. Also, sugary foods in the vagina are generally a bad idea. That juicy mango slice dripping out of your vagina may be sexy and scrumptious, but the infection won’t be!

There are some details that could use tweaking. For those new to role play, more detailed descriptions would be very useful. Example: the interrogation scene has a great list of rewards and punishments, but gives no guidance for scenarios or questions. Also, the organization of the sessions in general can be confusing; they are presented as pairs of similar games, but other than a general trend towards pushing boundaries farther throughout the book, there seems to be little rhyme or reason to how it’s arranged. An index listing them by level of daring, or by cost, could be very useful.

Don’t let me leave you thinking this book is worthy of the circular file, however. There is a great variety to the scenarios; some may seem rather similar, but the ante is upped from one to the next. It is full of good ideas and tips for the aspiring Dominant Diva. One feature I especially appreciated was how they handled their wildest scenes: Mild Side vs Wild Side. For those less comfortable with the boundary being pushed, they could get a milder taste, then work up to the far steamier Wild Side.

Best of all, the authors convey a very healthy attitude toward Dominant Diva-hood:
“Being a Dominant Diva doesn’t mean you’re a whip-wielding drill sergeant who barks orders in the bedroom. On the contrary, a Dominant Diva is a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it in a way that’s sexy, not scary.”

As college students, we had to do some creative thinking to make our chosen scenes work. We quickly discovered that many of the pricier games can be adapted for low budgets. For example, in “Treasure Hunt” the Diva sends her man on a trip to various secret locations, each with directions to the next: to get a manicure, to buy her some lingerie. While these “go buy things” games are great for getting someone new to such things going, it can get expensive. A low-budget twist could be to send him on a treasure hunt through your home: first to lead him to your supplies, then give him a manicure yourself, “to show him how it’s done,” (wink wink). Then, demand that he manicure his Diva in return. Next, he could then follow a trail to your wardrobe to pick out something sexy for you to slip into, or to instructions on what to fix his Diva for dinner.

As we discovered, if you’re still learning to be a Dominant Diva, you will probably find that, at first, you won’t like or be comfortable with all of the games. Tempting as it is to open one of the fold-out games at a time, you’d be better off reading through them to find some you’re comfortable with to start you off. If you want to choose together, taking turns reading them to each other and brainstorming can be incredibly erotic. Especially if you don’t give him a choice in the matter! Make that man read to you!

A personal favorite is the game simply called “Naked Sushi.” I’ll leave its details to your ever-fertile imaginations, but will offer one piece of advice: raw fish is cold. Keep the kitchen warm for your poor “plate.”

While reading the book was a lot of fun, it's fallen to the back. A lot of it just isn't practical for a college-student couple like us. We've pulled some ideas from it and adapted them to our situation and budget, but there's only so much we could do. Perhaps someday, when we're married and living together, we'll pull it out again, but for now we've taken from it all we can, and that wasn't as much as we expected.