The House guest The House guest

DVD by Vivid

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Don't Let This One in Your House

If this movie is actually a parody of everything that's wrong with porn, it's brilliant. But since they were totally serious in making this movie, it's just God awful. Don't bother.
Published:
Pros:
feel good about paying for porn
Cons:
vanilla, dull sex, bad camera shots
Rating by reviewer:
1
No votes for this review
You know how lots of TV shows make fun of porn? They crack jokes at the cheesy soundtrack. They make fun of the badly delivered lines. The awkward positions are the butt of jokes. And let’s not even get started at how the girls are mocked for moaning the second a hand so much as brushes up against them. Wow, I thought, the early days of porn must have been rough. Because in my years of surfing free internet porn, I really hadn’t seen a lot of that. I thought that we had moved past that.

I’m not sure if this porn is awful or just dated. This movie is by no means new. In the ads before the movie (which are very difficult to get through. You can’t skip through them but can only fast forward. Look forward to watching a girl bounce up and down at 180 mph...actually, that very well might have been the highlight of this movie) they advertise for phone sex. I didn’t even know that was still a thing (which it very well might not be). This movie is just plain awful.

My main issue was that when I pay for professionally made porn, I’m expecting professional quality. Whoever was behind the camera on this set acted like a horny 15 year old boy. And by that I mean that he would zoom in on an actors tits for no apparent reason. Like the actual yo-yo style zoom. In mid dialogue. It was ridiculous. That poor girl who had to pretend (moaning and writhing around) while some guy snapped her own underwear against her. What the fuck? Who exactly is getting off on this?

Not me. I’m not getting off on this porn. There was absolutely no chemistry between the actors. The positions varied from being awkward to looking downright painful. Mind you, there wasn’t anything particularly out there happening. It was your basic positions. Very light and vanilla sex. This whole movie was either ridiculously bad or boring.
Follow-up commentary
I haven't watched this since I wrote the review. There's just way better porn offered for free on the internet. Take a hard pass on this product and invest in a subscription to your favorite site.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Mikemanz Mikemanz
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  • JADE76
    JADE76  
    thanks
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