Is that the Jetsons' car?... No, just my massager

This Luminescene Massager is waterproof, floating, and lights up - bringing to mind images of romantic baths and couples massages. Unfortunately, these features don't do a great job of disguising the fact that it's a somewhat below average massager that is easily outdone by other products.
Published:
Pros:
Works with massage oils, waterproof, lights up, floats.
Cons:
Single speed, no good as a sex toy, gets stuck in tub corner, only 2 usable angles.
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
The Luminescence massager by California Exotics is essentially a floating vibrating bubble with feet. It is pink on top and bottom with a thick white watertight seal around the middle. The top is slightly more transparent than the bottom to ensure the light up colors come through nicely. At the very bottom there is a soft white button that controls both the light up feature and the vibration.

To begin using the massager, simply unscrew the base and insert 2 AAA batteries. Then simply screw the bottom back on and you're good to go. Pressing the button once turns the light on, which rotates between red, yellow, green, and blue colors. The light in the massager isn't particularly bright in a well-lit room, but once the lights are off, it could double as mood lighting if you needed it to.

The clear but printed plastic box instructs you to hold the button down for another 4 seconds to turn on the vibrations but it's more like 6. The easiest way to do it is to turn the light on, and then just hold the button on until the massager begins to vibrate and then let go. It only has one level of vibration but it works well enough for a general massage. It's a little bit louder than a cell phone vibration and I've noticed that the vibrations falter a little when the toy is flipped upside-down.

As an added bonus, this toy is also waterproof and floats. This means that you could have it floating about in a bubbly romantic tub, easily at hand for a quick rub-down. Unfortunately when I tried it in the tub, it just kept getting stuck in the corner of the tub and vibrating loudly up against the tub wall. So the theory is fantastic but it doesn't necessarily work out.

It also doesn't work well if attempted to use as a sex toy. The fairly wide egg shape - the toy is 2-1/2" wide by 3-1/2" tall - makes it kind of uncomfortable to get up close to sensitive areas and hard to get any real pinpoint stimulation. It could be used to tease around the nipples and genital region if desired though, especially as part of a massage. And I have a compulsion to add this to all reviews where it could be considered - please don't try putting this up your butt - I promise you, it does not belong there.

As a massager, it is also less than perfect. On the upside, the waterproof plastic can be used with any massage oil or lotion and has very little drag on the skin. But the material is rigid and hard with absolutely zero give to it, and the shape really only lends itself to being used on two surfaces - the pointed top or the sides. The bottom really can't be used because if pressed into the skin, the button would be pushed to turn it off.

I do like the idea of the toy - I like the light up feature and the fact that it is waterproof and floats. Unfortunately, the idea just didn't carry over to the product design. Don't get me wrong, it will work in limited capacities, as a massager, and while we used it a few times to try it out and get a feel for it, it will probably just end up collecting dust in my house. The bottom line is I own enough other things that vibrate that have far more versatile features than this one. And I'm not even confident in recommending this to other people who might not have a battery powered sex arsenal in their home, because there are even better vibrating massagers out there. When you remove the novelty of the light and the floating feature, this one really ranks sub-par.

Since the box this came in was somewhat flimsy and the toy doesn't collect lint or require special handling, it can be stored pretty much anywhere. Since it's waterproof and smooth, cleaning is also a breeze. It's also pretty discreet looking so it could easily be taken in a suitcase or tossed in a large purse if you wanted to.
Experience
I gave this massager 2 stars. It does work as a massager, just not a great one, and the light up feature is pretty cool. Otherwise though, it just doesn't have much going for it.
Follow-up commentary
I honestly haven't used this since I reviewed it. While it's cute, it's simply not worth it to me to use, in any capacity.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Luminescence massager tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Massage
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
    • Tub/shower/pool
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over body
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Comments
  • Airen Wolf
    Airen Wolf  
    This looks so cool!
  • Jobthingy
    Jobthingy  
    I so want this just to toss in a friends hot tub LOL
  • mnc5051
    mnc5051  
    great review
  • Kimbertrees
    Kimbertrees  
    Great review!
  • Danielle915
    Danielle915  
    This looks like fun!
  • Selective Sensualist
    Selective Sensualist  
    Great review! Sorry it didn't work better for you.
  • Lady Neshamah
    Lady Neshamah  
    wonderful review
  • liilii080
    liilii080  
    If it had a face I'd call it a Pokemon. Thanks for the follow up!
  • Lady Evyl
    Lady Evyl  
    Great review and I am not surprised, not my fave manufacturer at all so not surprised
  • Splendwhore
    Splendwhore  
    Wow, this is an interesting looking one..

    Thanks for the review!
  • TheSinDoll
    TheSinDoll  
    Sorry it didn't work for you... but "Jetsons’ car"... lmao! Nice review!
  • nicole07
    nicole07  
    thank you for the review
  • *Huxley*
    *Huxley*  
    So cute! I love the futuristic look of toys. Too bad the cute ones always suck
    Well...most of the time.
    Thanks for the review though!
  • Shellz31
    Shellz31  
    I'd like one of these - just to have it glowing away in my display cabinet.

    Awesome review
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