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It Doesn't Rock

The Mini-Rocker left me wondering, "what the hell is California Exotics thinking?" Aren’t there enough similar products out there like this already? Haven’t most of them flopped? Don’t waste your money on this hunk-O-junk.
Published:
Pros:
Strong vibrations.
Cons:
Flimsy, can't be sterilized, poorly made, poorly designed.
Rating by reviewer:
2
extremely useful review
My first verified review - Yay! I was so excited when my box from Eden arrived discreetly packaged in my mailbox, but I knew there was something lascivious inside. I opened the box to find the Mini-Rocker inside. The plastic packaging featured a scantily-clad model sporting a really tacky metallic vest that is so 2001. The product sort of resembles the Rock-Chick massager, which has pretty decent reviews, so I'm very excited to try it out.

The Mini-Rocker is a U shaped, dual stimulator made of bubblegum pink TPR silicone. Call me a snob, but TPR silicone is a shoddy material if you ask me. Sure it’s better than Jelly but you can’t sterilize it like you can medical grade silicone, nor is it compatible with silicone lubes. What a bummer. It’s also a turbo magnet for hair and lint.

There is a clear plastic casing inside the battery compartment that is extremely important to keep in place. Not only does it show you how to insert the batteries, it also reduces noise, and allows the cap to control the multi-speed function. I had difficulty taking out the batteries (they got stuck down in there!), so I removed the plastic. Without it - the bullet will turn on automatically even if there is only one battery in place.

The bullet is a pain in the arse to remove, but quite simple to put back in place. The cap on it is a piece of crap-ola. The multispeed settings have a mind of their own. It’s got a very powerful high frequency vibration on highest setting, but would change speeds (or worse - turn off all together) every time even I slightly moved. What a waste of a really awesome bullet. The vibrations do carry throughout entire toy rather well, though... well they do when they actually work.

Gosh, I really hate this toy. It was like using a bullet on my clit while trying to have sex with a flaccid penis wearing a vibrating cock ring. I probably could have gotten off clitorally if it weren’t for that little speed control issue I had. The soft ridges in the TPR silicone felt wonderful against my clit, and the vibrations were fantastic.

As far as the G-spot portion goes - it has 3 “strategically placed metal beads for insatiable pleasure.” Great, except these metal beads face away from your G-spot. Strategically placed, eh? I couldn’t even feel them. They are strategically placed so that they touch the least sensitive portion of the vagina. This product is simply too flimsy to provide any internal pleasure aside from something to squeeze onto.

The Mini-Rocker. Even its name perplexes me. Does it rock figuratively or are you literally supposed to rock back and forth? The only answer I could gather is neither. It does no good to rock back and forth because it's too damn soft, and it certainly doesn't "rock" as a sex toy.

I guess you could wear it under your clothes while doing housework, but the unpredictable vibrations, or lack thereof, would probably annoy you. It’s far too soft to be inserted anally and used as a prostate massager. You can't use it during intercourse like the we-vibe because it's far too large. Come to think of it, I couldn’t find one single good use for this thing. Maybe I got a defunct one with a crazy control cap, but as far as I can tell this is a poorly made and designed hunk of junk.

Extra Info:

This product is waterproof. (So it claims. I believe water resistant would be a better term)
-It has an o-ring to seal out water, but after submerging it in my sink for about 5 seconds I noticed the battery compartment was a little wet.

Clean after every use with a toy wipe, or antibacterial soap and water.

I do not suggest sharing this product because the shape makes it difficult to cover with a condom. The material is slightly porous, and therefore cannot be sterilized.

It takes 3 watch batteries (LR44), which are included, as well as 3 extra replacement batteries. Thanks for the spare! I’ll be sure to use them with another toy because I certainly won't be using this again.
Experience
It took me quite a while to write this review because I couldn't help but think I was doing something wrong. I'm not too experienced in the rocking toys arena. Maybe I just needed a little practice. Maybe the controls sucked because I inserted the batteries wrong, or was twisting the cap in the wrong direction. Now I can honestly say this product is no good.
Follow-up commentary
There really is nothing to follow up on. It was a P.O.S. then, & nothing about this horrendous toy has changed.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Sammi
    Sammi  
    I want to try something shaped like this so bad, but none seem to work well.
    Great review! Smile
  • Viv
    Viv  
    wow- yeah what's with the back facing nubs? weird. thanks for the review!
  • Epiphora
    Epiphora  
    Haha, I love the way you write. It's amusing.
  • ~LaUr3n~
    ~LaUr3n~  
    I love your simple statement "It doesn't rock." Thanks for the review!
  • Mamastoys
    Mamastoys  
    Sorry it doesn't work like you thought. I love California Exotics but this looks like a disappointment. And watch batteries SUCK! I think they should be outlawed on sex toys! LOL
    Hopefully your next assignment will be much better.
    Thanks for the review!
  • Adriana Ravenlust
    Adriana Ravenlust  
    Nice review. I agree that the beads or whatever they are seem to be randomly placed. I like the see-through-ness though. LOL I bet it would make a good decoration for a tropical drink.
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