For those in a D/s relationship

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For those in a D/s relationship

Roz W Roz W
For those in a D/s relationship (or any type of relationship with specific, BDSM-type roles "outside the bedroom"): How much of your time is taken up by your relationship (for example, giving or following orders)? Do you maintain a good work/life balance? Have you ever found this difficult?

Me, I like reading about sex a lot. And I like kink, and some things that some people consider icky, scary or too painful. But defined roles within a relationship, to me, is some advanced stuff, and I'm curious to hear from anyone who has experience with that: how do you do it? How do *you* do it?
03/09/2013
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His scarlett His scarlett
I am in a 24/7 TPE D/s relationship. It actually takes no time as it is just life. I guess in many ways it is like an old fashioned marriage, I do everything in the house and fetch and carry for him when he wants something.

It could be said that it takes up all of my time, but it doesn't seem that way, it is just how we live. I don't even think about it most of the time now, as it is just second nature.

We don't do a lot of high protocol, I don't have to be kneeling at the door when he comes home, but I am at the door and I have things done and ready for him.

It really doesn't feel like I am doing anything special, just living life the way we choose.
03/10/2013
Mitzuki Mitzuki
When I was in a D/s relationship, it was never difficult for me at all. I feel like being a submissive just came naturally to me. I was always eager to please. Like Scarlett, we didn't have high protocol or anything. If came very easily to both of us to come in to.
03/10/2013
Sir Sir
It should not take any more time than any other relationship. A good, healthy D/s or M/s relationship will weave its way into the threads of your life so subtly that you would not be able to notice that a change had been made. Yes, giving and receiving orders adds something more to everyday encounters, but it is no different from a couple talking to each other throughout the day.

D/s, like any relationship, builds. I would not bring a girl or boy into my life and immediately do an overhaul, unless I knew that they could handle it (I don't do this because most people, in general, cannot handle that). Things must be worked towards with goals in mind and checkpoints.

The relationship has not ever interfered with my work; in contrast, it makes things far more easy for me as an individual. I feel more relaxed, at peace, when I have someone at my feet under me. I do not need them to be naked and at attention 24/7 for them to be my property. The fact that they are in my presence, fully attentive to my needs and desires, and I can feel their surrender keeps me grounded and calm. Seeing that look in their eyes when they make my evening tea is a wonderful feeling.

I do hope that this answers your questions. I will note that I am high protocol as well as 24/7, and though I try D/s, I usually enter M/s arrangements.
03/23/2013
charletnarouh charletnarouh
i am a 24/7 submissive. Being Hers takes no more time than any vanilla relationship, though it may change the structure of the time spent. Relationships of any fashion require work and energy to make them work. A D/s or M/s relationship don't require more work than a vanilla relationship, but plenty of people don't put effort into their vanilla relationships and they stagnate and wither. The effects of a stagnating or withering D/s or M/s relationship might be more apparent and might cause greater problems. That is, in a vanilla relationship that isn't being properly tended might be able to keep up the facade that things are ok more effectively than a neglected D/s or M/s relationship but that certainly doesn't make the vanilla relationship OK or any more healthy. In fact, the illusion of the vanilla relationship is probably more damaging in the long run, it just looks better for the time being.
Wwe began Oour D/s relationship by implementing some basic protocols and rituals and expanded from there. Those protocols include things like dictating that i always walk on my Mistress' left side and sit on Her right, i am required to ask permission to eat when Wwe are together, i must also ask permission to check my cell phone at the dinner table and to excuse myself to use the restroom or for any other reason, i must text Her immediately upon waking up and immediately before going to bed if Wwe are not together at those times, i wear Her collar, i make the bed in the mornings, if i am serving food or drink, i must serve Her first before myself, or if in Her home and guests are present, i must serve the guests first, then my Mistress, then myself, i always refer to myself in lower case and my Mistress in upper case, i am required to keep my car clean and the trash cans in my home must be emptied regularly. There are others as well but this gives you an idea of some of the things that structure Oour relationship. In addition, i must ask permission to spend money and my Mistress is in control of my finances and spending. This means that decisions like calling out of work or taking days off must be discussed with Her as well. None of these things take any real time as it's more just a way of doing things i would basically already be doing in some form or another. She gives directives like asking me to do a chore or run some errand for Her but, in Her wisdom and care of me, She never asks me to do things that are beyond my capability or would interfere with my life in any negative way and one of the negotiated terms of Oour relationship is that it cannot affect either of Oour work or family lives. This is the trust which is principle in any D/s or M/s relationship. And, obviously, if She ever did something i vehemently objected to, i still maintain my freewill and though i choose to give up control in the relationship, that is a choice freely made and i can revoke it at any time.
Wwe are also active in the local kink community and attend meetings, munches, parties, workshops and other events but this doesn't "take up Oour time" in a negative way, it's simply part of Oour social life. Wwe find that being around other kinky people, especially D/s or M/s couples/families/house holds makes a big difference for Uus.

All this said, it's important to note that this is my way and you can have your relationship your way. The kink world opens up the possibilities for people to negotiate whatever they want. There's no one right way to have a relationship. my way won't work for everyone and your way might not work for me but we each get to negotiate exactly what we want with our partner(s). Look around and see what's out there, pick and choose the pieces that work for you and leave the rest. If you don't want to spend a ton of time giving or following orders, don't make that part of your relationship. If you don't want to have a ton of protocols to follow all the time, negotiate a low protocol relationship. If you don't want someone to have control part(s) of your life, negotiate that. If you don't like kneeling, negotiate a relationship without kneeling. The list goes on. Basically, you get to decide what your relationship entails. Through good communication and negotiation, through understanding and compassion, with the right person, you can custom design the relationship that works for you. Full time, part time, high protocol, low protocol, sexual, non-sexual, formal, informal, monogamy, polyamory, dyads, triads, quads, whole households worth of people. Everything from vanilla to myriad forms of abject slavery and anything in between is possible in a consensual, risk aware, negotiated relationship.
03/28/2013
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 5