What do you think of the public perception of BDSM relationships?

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What do you think of the public perception of BDSM relationships?

Thumper Logic Thumper Logic
It seems to me that a lot of people who aren't in the lifestyle tend to think that BDSM relationships are all about sex, and do not consider the fact that it's more than just sexual, it's about a relationship built on, what some might say, the highest level of trust and humility. What do you all think of public perception of BDSM relationships (especially in lieu of Shades of Grey coming out)?
09/29/2012
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Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by Thumper Logic
It seems to me that a lot of people who aren't in the lifestyle tend to think that BDSM relationships are all about sex, and do not consider the fact that it's more than just sexual, it's about a relationship built on, what some might ...
I think a lot of people make assumptions about it and they really have not ever explored it themselves or bothered to do any research on it. It's unfortunate.

Shades of Grey's success doesn't bother me, but I think it says something about how our society perceives such relationships. I am glad that it's generating discussion and getting some wheels turning in the heads of people who have never considered exploring such a relationship, lifestyle, sex life, etc. I know some people will be dumb and look at it as a source book instead of a piece of erotic fiction that was written for entertainment purposes, but what can you do? There are people who watch the WWE and then break their necks trying to reenact a scene that they saw on TV in their back yard, and there are people who watch Jackie Chan movies and nearly kill themselves by trying to emulate him without any training what so ever. Perhaps Shades of Grey's popularity can open up discussions from professionals and experienced BDSMers to more curious minded people, and attempt to clear up misconceptions and stigmas. Only time will tell, I suppose.
09/30/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I know in my family it's considered a sickness, and I'd be stuck in the wrong type of therapy for being a submissive female in the 21st century. My best friend is also a Second Wave Feminist, and she'd be horrified to know I like calling a male partner "Master" or "Sir" and mean it (much less giving control of my sexuality to a man).

I think, for the most part, the perceived psychology of BDSM scares the hell of the vanillas.
10/01/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I know in my family it's considered a sickness, and I'd be stuck in the wrong type of therapy for being a submissive female in the 21st century. My best friend is also a Second Wave Feminist, and she'd be horrified to know I like calling ...
Ah, yes. Second wave feminists, replacing one form of female sexual repression with another, instead of letting women explore on their own and decide what they want for themselves. What a revolution.
10/01/2012
LadyDarknezz LadyDarknezz
My family and friends view it as being sick and wrong, so I have to keep it to myself. I don't have any people that I know personally to talk to about this stuff other than my Dom, of course. I've always considered myself a feminist and my mother is a very out-spoken feminist. If she ever found out that I willing give myself to a man in such a way and call him "Sir" and "Master", it would probably crush her.

I'm not even going to get started on the the Shades of Grey crap because I've talked about it way too much on these forums already. I don't like how a bunch of ignorant people tend to read it and all of a sudden think they are a sub and try to find a Dom somewhere with out knowing a damn thing about BDSM and safety.
10/01/2012
deinevanille deinevanille
Shades of Grey makes me angry because it is many people's only 'real' exposure to the BDSM lifestyle, and it's (imo) a really awful example of what we do in our community.

Outside of Shades of Grey, most people that I encounter who have any thoughts on being kinky either A) don't really have any clue what they're talking about (i.e.: oh you do anal? THATS SO KINKY) or they're scared of it. (I.e.: Ugh, how could anyone find it sexy when someone's whacking their ass and giving them bruises? Gross!)

Though, I've been working with my school's sexuality and gender alliance to correct some of these misconceptions and questions that people on my campus might have about it.

50 Shades isn't helping.
10/04/2012
MissMori MissMori
I agree with deinevanille - 50 shades isn't helping - but that's a long rant.

Mainly, I think the thing most "outsiders" tend to miss, especially when they think it's all just "kinky sex stuff" is that a lot of the best things about BDSM can be applied to ANY relationship and really improve it.

If that sounds crazy, let me be more specific.
A lot of relationships suffer from lack of communication, for example. It's fairly easy for heterosexual vanilla couples to assume they know what's going on since they're offered a blueprint by most people they know and by society in general about how their type of relationship is "supposed" to be. But people being people, a blueprint doesn't always work with your personal wants and needs. A solid BDSM relationship involves a huge amount of negotiation, warning about known triggers, and discussing the particulars of what you want to do or have done to you - and this often happens before you even play for the first time.
In a lot of ways this can make for better sex for both parties, so that's something that could be applied to any sexual relationship.

I agree that there's more going on than "vanilla" people might see, and unfortunately the focus on "Oh my god, you do WHAT in bed?!" does keep me from discussing the more general good relationship-type things with people at times.

And since some posters above me have noted feminism (especially second-wave, which is my mother's generation) I have to say that both Sir and I identify as feminists. Which is massively confusing to people on both sides! There is a lot of misogyny that creeps into the "scene", but it gets easier to spot after a while. And my mother would also be seriously squicked out by the way we interact in private.
10/04/2012
ImmortalFantasy ImmortalFantasy
To start off, Fifty Shades Of Grey is a retarded book.
Secondly, for some reason, humans have trouble accepting people who do things that don't appeal to them. They feel the actions of one couple effects the world as a whole, so it should be the business of everyone in America because fuck logic. Live and let live, people. We people into the BDSM lifestyle aren't sex monkeys; we view the lifestyle as just that, a lifestyle that granted, has it's sexual perks but it is so much deeper than that and fulfilling to those who are in it, so what's the issue?
10/04/2012
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 7