Who is Really in Control? The Dom/Master or the Sub/Slave

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Who is Really in Control? The Dom/Master or the Sub/Slave

USJT130119200518 USJT130119200518
The purpose of this poll is to see what the community about who is really the one in control in a BDSM relationship. Yes the Dom/master is the one who seems to have the power, but he cannot do anything without the Sub/Slaves permission.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Dom/Master
13  (27%)
Sub/Slave
36  (73%)
Total votes: 49
Poll is closed
05/06/2012
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DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Depends on whether or not there is TPE. If there's TPE, the Dom/me would hold that power; if there isn't, the power is evenly split.
05/06/2012
Ansley Ansley
The submissive is truly the master. Nothing goes without their approval, no matter how badly the dom/me wants to do it.
05/06/2012
Ciao. Ciao.
Where is the both option? Sure the dominant person has the implied power in the relationship, but they need a certain degree of permission and consent from the sub, but there is always an ebb and flow/push and pull to any sort of D/s relationship. No matter what the nature of the relationship each has times and situations where they truly control all the power in the moment.
05/06/2012
Nazaress Nazaress
In the fantasy world, the Dominant is in control. And yes, they do make the slave jump through their hoops so to some degree (let's just say half), the Dom IS in control. But on the other hand, the submissive has to give permission for their treatment and play along. And even more than that (or at least in my case as an online Mistress), the Dom has the fulfill the sub's fantasies and pretty much every one of their actions in some way is to satisfy the sub. The Dom ends up doing most of the work, setting up the scene and playing it out. The sub just has to "lay back" and take it, having almost all of the actions satisfy them in some way. So who is really in charge? Needless to say, I guess it's about 50/50 but let's not tell our subs that, shall we?
05/06/2012
USJT130119200518 USJT130119200518
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
The submissive is truly the master. Nothing goes without their approval, no matter how badly the dom/me wants to do it.
I have to agree with you on this one Stormy
05/06/2012
USJT130119200518 USJT130119200518
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
In the fantasy world, the Dominant is in control. And yes, they do make the slave jump through their hoops so to some degree (let's just say half), the Dom IS in control. But on the other hand, the submissive has to give permission for their ...
LOL Nazaress I agree and don't worry I would never tell my sub that, and I hope she never figures that out lol.
05/06/2012
USJT130119200518 USJT130119200518
Quote:
Originally posted by Ciao.
Where is the both option? Sure the dominant person has the implied power in the relationship, but they need a certain degree of permission and consent from the sub, but there is always an ebb and flow/push and pull to any sort of D/s relationship. ...
true Boink i should have put in a couple more options in there.
05/06/2012
Vanille Vanille
In my relationship it's pretty equal as far as power goes. I have limits and they must be respected, whilst Master makes sure to hold up her end of the bargain as the Dominant partner.
05/06/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Submissive has more power, since the dominant has to be careful and respectful.
05/06/2012
kittenfacery kittenfacery
Sub. Without their consent, nothing would be happening.
Well. I hope not.
05/07/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by USJT130119200518
The purpose of this poll is to see what the community about who is really the one in control in a BDSM relationship. Yes the Dom/master is the one who seems to have the power, but he cannot do anything without the Sub/Slaves permission.
If the Dom/me is ethical you are totally correct!
05/07/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
The act of submitting, of giving oneself by choice, is the ultimate control in the relationship. Control is relinquished and given to one's master by choice and can be revoked by choice as well. The control the dominant has is a magical illusion, the fantasy.
05/07/2012
LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by USJT130119200518
The purpose of this poll is to see what the community about who is really the one in control in a BDSM relationship. Yes the Dom/master is the one who seems to have the power, but he cannot do anything without the Sub/Slaves permission.
The sub always has the real control
05/08/2012
AnnMorette AnnMorette
If a safe word is honored the slave is in control. The dominant however has control of the situation.
05/11/2012
KinkyKatiya KinkyKatiya
Quote:
Originally posted by USJT130119200518
The purpose of this poll is to see what the community about who is really the one in control in a BDSM relationship. Yes the Dom/master is the one who seems to have the power, but he cannot do anything without the Sub/Slaves permission.
Nothing is done without it being consensual
05/24/2012
sweetpea12 sweetpea12
Quote:
Originally posted by USJT130119200518
The purpose of this poll is to see what the community about who is really the one in control in a BDSM relationship. Yes the Dom/master is the one who seems to have the power, but he cannot do anything without the Sub/Slaves permission.
I think then dominant partner has more immediate power. And that's what I like because when I'm submissive it's like I have no responsibility or control. And I love that
06/04/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
I'm a little disturbed by the results of this poll.
07/17/2012
DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
I'm a little disturbed by the results of this poll.
Why is that?
07/17/2012
Experiment Experiment
As a submissive person, I've realized that I'm actually the one who is controlling the situation at the end of the day.
07/18/2012
MissMori MissMori
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
I'm a little disturbed by the results of this poll.
I'm kind of curious as to who's voting which way!
07/18/2012
TheirPet TheirPet
I think it's a combination of the two.
07/18/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Kinda both, which isn't an option. The sub has control first by choosing to give power over to the Dom. Without the control over giving control, no power play can exist. Once handed over, the Dom then controls what happens and when. Different people in different relationships have various amounts of "no power," as my husband calls it. Some will negotiate regularly, some one and done. For us, my husband has a checklist for me of things I'll do and things that are hard limits. When/if those things happen is in his control. If I don't want to do something and it's not a hard limit, I relinquished the control to say no. Of course, if I call it too far, it stops, and thus I still have some level of control maintained on the situation.

So I guess basically I disagree with the "has the sub's permission" bit, because my permission is not obtained each and every time. I just hold veto power basically and only in extreme circumstances, not just 'cause I feel like saying no.
07/18/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
Why is that?
Because of how many people view the Dominant as having the "real" power in the relationship. It makes me worry for the safety of people who actually play and/or live that way.
07/18/2012
MissMori MissMori
Kira just nailed it for me up there! I can't really add much to what she said, because that sums up my own views pretty well.
And Charlernarouh, I see what you mean. In the past I've played with people who seem to have the view that they, as Dominant, have the "real" power. I've noticed they're good at "forgetting" things that were brought up during negotiation. That made me EXTRA careful, and I'm much better off these days.
07/18/2012
Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by USJT130119200518
The purpose of this poll is to see what the community about who is really the one in control in a BDSM relationship. Yes the Dom/master is the one who seems to have the power, but he cannot do anything without the Sub/Slaves permission.
I feel like the sub/slaves are actually the ones in control.
07/18/2012
sexykiss sexykiss
i think the slave does
07/18/2012
Boyfriend Boyfriend
I think sub since they set up their limits beforehand
07/18/2012
CadmiumKitty CadmiumKitty
i would say the submissive
07/20/2012
Boyqueen Boyqueen
I feel like the sub does.
07/21/2012
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Total posts: 36
Unique posters: 29