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Serenesub Serenesub
I'm just wondering what those of you that have been owned do to get out of that cycle? (Your rules, routines, etc.) I've heard of many people talking of the Owner taking the time to deprogram their submissive, that is most definitely not happening here. I'm doing not too badly, it just has me curious how others have dealt with this.
02/09/2012
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MeliPixie MeliPixie
I'm so sorry to hear your Owner is no longer in the picture. This can be very difficult for some. I have never gone through this personally, but a friend of mine is. The first thing she did was put (maybe even throw?) His collar away and have a brand-new one made for herself that was all hers. This seemed to cheer her up and help her get out of His hold a little quicker. All I can say is, if you catch yourself doing something that's more your Owner's idea than your own, stop yourself, make a mental note, and continue on with something, knowing you can return to this at a later time or date on your own schedule.


I hope this helps and I wish you much luck on the journey ahead. You have lots of friend here at Eden, and you can always keep turning to us.
02/09/2012
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
I'm so sorry to hear your Owner is no longer in the picture. This can be very difficult for some. I have never gone through this personally, but a friend of mine is. The first thing she did was put (maybe even throw?) His collar away and have a ... More
Thank you.

I put my cuffs away, took down my closet hanger that had all the toys on it and put it away.. just put everything away. I'm still really out of sorts thus far.
02/09/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
I'm just wondering what those of you that have been owned do to get out of that cycle? (Your rules, routines, etc.) I've heard of many people talking of the Owner taking the time to deprogram their submissive, that is most definitely not ... More
Shame on your Dom for not helping you transition! I'm so sorry you are facing this alone. MeliPixie gave some great advice but I'll add that sometimes a journal can help to sort out your desires from his and refocus you. Be doubly aware that you may be sending out wounded signals that are attractive to predators that masquerade as ethical Tops. Take some time to figure out what YOU want for a change before looking for another person to Top you.
If you need to talk this is a great place to do it.
~Airen
02/09/2012
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Shame on your Dom for not helping you transition! I'm so sorry you are facing this alone. MeliPixie gave some great advice but I'll add that sometimes a journal can help to sort out your desires from his and refocus you. Be doubly aware that ... More
Oh I'm not going to be looking for a while. This was a 5 year close friendship, 2 year relationship that just...exploded. I need some time. I've had other doms, but not one that dug around in my head, got this deep, made me feel as good as I did with him.. it's monumentally harder to resort after this deep of a relationship ends. I'm honestly not even sure I've digested it yet.
02/09/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
I'm just wondering what those of you that have been owned do to get out of that cycle? (Your rules, routines, etc.) I've heard of many people talking of the Owner taking the time to deprogram their submissive, that is most definitely not ... More
I'm sorry it went down like that.

This is one of the main reasons I never got into the D/s situations.

Good luck!
02/09/2012
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'm sorry it went down like that.

This is one of the main reasons I never got into the D/s situations.

Good luck!
Thank you.
02/09/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Shame on your Dom for not helping you transition! I'm so sorry you are facing this alone. MeliPixie gave some great advice but I'll add that sometimes a journal can help to sort out your desires from his and refocus you. Be doubly aware that ... More
Everything that Airen said!

I'm sorry you were left in the lurch.

I'm in a semi- D/s relationship, but have maintained enough control of myself to get myself in order, should anything happen.... I think. I think the grief of losing him in any way would overwhelm everything else, though.

My closest friend's husband and Dom died a little over a year ago, and she found getting involved in NON sexual, non direct hierarchical activities the best way to deal with it. Obviously, she's hurting terribly, as he was the love of her life. But, she's involved in her town politics and some volunteer activities as well as her job, so she's coping.

I agree that getting yourself in order and taking care of YOU for a change is a good thing to do before looking for an other Dom. You're vulnerable right now, and as Airen said, some less than good people could sense that. Take care of YOU!

02/09/2012
KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Oh I'm not going to be looking for a while. This was a 5 year close friendship, 2 year relationship that just...exploded. I need some time. I've had other doms, but not one that dug around in my head, got this deep, made me feel as good as I ... More
I'm sorry things happened like that, that must be extremely hard for you. Time and taking care of yourself are helpful in letting go of the hurt. Don't replay things in your mind, it strengthens those thoughts and just make you more upset. Best of luck
02/12/2012
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Everything that Airen said!

I'm sorry you were left in the lurch.

I'm in a semi- D/s relationship, but have maintained enough control of myself to get myself in order, should anything happen.... I think. I think the grief of ... More
It was long enough, and intense enough the control was his. I'm actually doing not too badly right now. I'm not sure if I had seen it coming and prepared for it or if it just hasn't hit home yet.

Either way I am taking time to myself, rebuilding and doing for me. I'm actually planning home renovations ... may as well rebuild from the ground up and out I am nowhere near ready for another relationship let alone another dom.

Thank you.
02/12/2012
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
I'm sorry things happened like that, that must be extremely hard for you. Time and taking care of yourself are helpful in letting go of the hurt. Don't replay things in your mind, it strengthens those thoughts and just make you more upset. ... More
Thank you.
02/12/2012
Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Aww darlin, I'm sorry to hear this. I don't really have much advice for you, because this is the only D/s relationship I've been in. :/ But if you ever need an ear, you know where to find me.
02/15/2012
Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Rayne Millaray
Aww darlin, I'm sorry to hear this. I don't really have much advice for you, because this is the only D/s relationship I've been in. :/ But if you ever need an ear, you know where to find me.
That I do. Thanks
02/15/2012
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 7