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Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the
Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.
For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.
For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires?
I wasn't every really given "the talk" from my parents, so I started out almost neutral as far as how we saw sexuality, apart from the fact that it was "an adult thing I didn't need to know about". When I asked my mom where baby's came from, she gave me a super technical explanation about the organs, and then hand-waved the entire thing so that I left with the message "don't let boys touch you". The discussion was the topic was taboo, but since I already knew that my parents' opinions where fallible and were not to be trusted all the time, I never really developed a stigma against sexuality.
When I discovered sexuality on the internet, I did a lot of private exploration and eventually told my mom, who at first was really not happy that I masturbated (because she comes from a strongly religious background, even if she isn't as active in participation). I essentially dismissed her opinion because I couldn't see where she got off telling me what I could do with my body. Thankfully, she is also open to logic about why all the arguments she brought up against it were fallacious and has accepted me both for what I do on my own time and my own orientation. She eventually even got to the point where she's given me a budget to go out with and buy sex toys.
So I suppose since I've always been honest with myself about what I wanted, I've been able to express my sexual independence since I discovered it, but that doesn't mean that there was ever a partner involved. If I were to give advice to someone who still didn't feel comfortable about expressing their desire, I'd suggest first (either on their own or with a trusted friend/sounding board) figure out what they want, what their desires are, and to explore them on your own time frame, either on their own or with their partner, with clear communicaion every step of the way as far as what they want, don't want, what they end up liking and not liking (because there is a difference between wanting and having, and you won't know that until you try). The key, I believe, is open communication, both with any partners involved and with your self (self honesty).