#SummerPleasure - Celebrate YOUR Independence!

Ansley Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the relationships that were supposed to be models for our own behaviors.

For those of us who were lucky enough to have parents that engaged us in conversation on the matter, the road to adulthood and expressing our sexuality came a little easier.



For many of us it was difficult to get over the negative things we learned about sex as we were growing up and it seems that we have a large community here that has decided enough is enough and did something about it.

When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?

Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires?
07/02/2012
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Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable w/ expressing my desires, but I pick and choose who I talk to about things. I think u have to trust a person before you throw that intimate part of your life out there.
07/02/2012
kitty1949 kitty1949
Once I lost 100 lbs I felt a lot more confident in myself and my sexuality.
07/03/2012
Melan!e Melan!e
Quote:
Originally posted by Noelle
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable w/ expressing my desires, but I pick and choose who I talk to about things. I think u have to trust a person before you throw that intimate part of your life out there.
I agree. I'm not able to express myself if the trust isn't there.

I've always been very open about sex. My mom was like that and while growing up in her household was not much of a walk in the park, at least I was able to pull that out of it. Honesty and trust is very important for any relationship and with that comes the confidence to talk to each other openly, I think.
07/03/2012
jennifur77 jennifur77
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
There is someone out there that finds you sexy no matter your height, weight, or anything about you. Know that and you'll have much more confidence in everything in life!
07/03/2012
Sara Wills Sara Wills
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
My family never talked about sex or anything to do with it. She still doesn't Luke it if say something about it, it embarrasses her. I love sex and trying new things, wearing outfits and all but I'm uncomfortable with it still. I can't tell my bf what I want or even be the one to start anything, just makes me nervous. I wish I was more comfortable with it.
07/03/2012
devi4madness devi4madness
I learned about sex a lot younger than I was supposed to and as I grew up I always felt so ashamed of my sexuality and desires. It really tore me apart until I got into a serious relationship with my boyfriend, then I started seeing things differently. I am a sexual individual and I am proud of who I am and of my independence .
07/03/2012
Mamastoys Mamastoys
It was only after my kids left home that I started looking at sex in a different light. As a young child, it was very taboo. We didn't talk about it at all. My first marriage was horrible and I only participated to keep peace. When my second husband and I got married, it was so much better! But there was always something else that I felt like I had to do-clean the house, take care of the kids, etc..
He was always so gentle and kind and while I enjoyed our time together, I didn't get into it very much. The old taboo issues kept coming up. Only when our son went to college did I get that spark of interest. That is when I found EF and we started having fun. Shortly after finding EF, hubby had some real health issues come up and again, sex went to the back burner. All is well now and we have gotten more interested in trying new things and enjoying our time together. He's not as alert to new things as I am but he will try anything once..maybe!
We tried to be very open with our kids and hope that they never have the issues we faced but at the same time, we tried to instill in them the irresponsibility of being sexually active. We don't have any grandkids yet so we must have done something right!!
07/03/2012
Jordan B Jordan B
I was never really able to talk to anyone about sex.
It was only until I met my current girlfriend that I was able to open up and talk about it. I grew up in a household where talking about sex was taboo.

But now that I am older I feel more comfortable talking about it with some friends.

I feel that honesty and trust is very important in a relationship. If you don't have that in your relationship then it will never last.
07/03/2012
JennSenn JennSenn
Oh, I knew a lot about sex from when I was young. I apparently asked a lot of questions. So it was never very taboo or anything. Pretty positive attitude. I just don't like talking about it much with my family, and I never know at what stage I'm close enough with friends to discuss it, so I let them start that kind of conversation. I'm shy in general so it leaks into the bedroom, too.
07/03/2012
Flyhoney Flyhoney
I have had issues with my sexuality due to problems from my childhood. It has taken a long time for me to feel comfortable exploring my body and things that make me feel good. My husband has always been very patient with me and has always tried to help me be more open with trying new things. What really helped was finally being able to talk with my sister who had a lot of the same issues as I did and what she did to overcome them. It gave me the courage and confidence to really get me to push myself further sexually. It was very liberating for me.
07/03/2012
indiechick indiechick
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
Write them down at least. Get them out some how. its amazing how much better if feels to express them. and if you cannot bare the though of someone finding them burn them if you must. But let your head breathe a little and put pen to paper
07/03/2012
@GeishasMom73 @GeishasMom73
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
I was able to be honest with who I am and what I want after I got my divorce. I was stifled in that relationship and unfulfilled. Now I ask for what I want and go after it.
07/03/2012
AlianneCimorene AlianneCimorene
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
I wasn't every really given "the talk" from my parents, so I started out almost neutral as far as how we saw sexuality, apart from the fact that it was "an adult thing I didn't need to know about". When I asked my mom where baby's came from, she gave me a super technical explanation about the organs, and then hand-waved the entire thing so that I left with the message "don't let boys touch you". The discussion was the topic was taboo, but since I already knew that my parents' opinions where fallible and were not to be trusted all the time, I never really developed a stigma against sexuality.
When I discovered sexuality on the internet, I did a lot of private exploration and eventually told my mom, who at first was really not happy that I masturbated (because she comes from a strongly religious background, even if she isn't as active in participation). I essentially dismissed her opinion because I couldn't see where she got off telling me what I could do with my body. Thankfully, she is also open to logic about why all the arguments she brought up against it were fallacious and has accepted me both for what I do on my own time and my own orientation. She eventually even got to the point where she's given me a budget to go out with and buy sex toys.
So I suppose since I've always been honest with myself about what I wanted, I've been able to express my sexual independence since I discovered it, but that doesn't mean that there was ever a partner involved. If I were to give advice to someone who still didn't feel comfortable about expressing their desire, I'd suggest first (either on their own or with a trusted friend/sounding board) figure out what they want, what their desires are, and to explore them on your own time frame, either on their own or with their partner, with clear communicaion every step of the way as far as what they want, don't want, what they end up liking and not liking (because there is a difference between wanting and having, and you won't know that until you try). The key, I believe, is open communication, both with any partners involved and with your self (self honesty).
07/03/2012
Stooshy Stooshy
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
I actually became sexually independent a year ago, but I've been openly sexual for quite some time though. It just came naturally, it's not really something I learned.
07/03/2012
TakeHimAway TakeHimAway
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
Sometimes still feel uncomfy. ;x
07/03/2012
Mia.The.Wonder.Slut Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
I was sexually abused both as a small child and as a preteen. Sexuality, especially my attraction to kink and bondage, was extremely hard for me to come to terms with as a young adult in a conservative household. When I transitioned to college, I met a lot of good people and found so many great resources for exploring my own sexuality and healing parts of my past that I never had the courage to address before. My advice is to never ignore your feelings, not to feel shameful or guilty about your sexuality, and if you need someone to talk to, never doubt a good friend's capacity to make time for you.
07/03/2012
TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
Once I got a little older and more comfortable about telling people what I wanted, I became much more comfortable about my sexuality.

My advice? Be honest and fear nothing.
07/03/2012
nelliegirl nelliegirl
I lost my virginity by being Raped when i was 16 years old. Some people become introverted after a traumatic event, but for me it was the opposite. I didnt know who to talk to or how to talk to people, and more importantly i didn't know how to say no. I didnt enjoy sex at all until i met the man im with today. he took his time and he helped me trust him before we were intimate. he made it very special for me and helped me to realize that sex can be an intimate thing and not just a two minute event where i just lay there. He has even helped me to feel attractive and sexy.
07/03/2012
Brenda Witherspoon-Bedard Brenda Witherspoon-Bedard
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
Having a great partner is what helped me out
07/03/2012
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I am pretty confident when it comes to my sexual pleasures and what not only thing that I don't like is my body and I am scared that if I may end up with a guy who's never had a girl squirt he will react wrong "/
07/03/2012
dv8 dv8
I find shame and repression to be illogical so they were never an issue for me.
07/03/2012
Sbmsvschoolgirl Sbmsvschoolgirl
No one really discussed sex with me when I was growing up. I got the very basic in school sex ed, where sexuality wasn't really talked about (you know, the "use a condom, don't get an STD, end of lecture" kind of sex ed). I remember feeling kind of ashamed when I first started exploring my body, like I was doing something "you're not supposed to do" and that no one ever talked about and I wasn't even sure it was normal. So I have no idea why it is that I was fairly immediately comfortable about being open and honest in the bedroom. I think it probably has something to do with the guy that I was (and still am) with when I first became sexually active. We were both super comfortable around each other from the very beginning and he was a lot more experienced than me so he was able to sort of walk me through stuff and show me different things. In a way he kind of forced me to be comfortable with sex and my sexuality, in a good way. I feel lucky that I met someone who could teach me how be excited about exploring sex and my sexuality.
07/03/2012
LuciFaery LuciFaery
I've never really been ashamed of my sexuality or libido. I do know that in Jr. high, most of my friends were freaked out by sex, but I never was. I tended to use that to my advantage and freak them out even more. There was some stuff that me and my friends didn't talk about until we were a little older and it felt good that they'd been thinking and doing some of the same things as me. I wasn't ashamed of anything, but every teenager needs a little positive reinforcement.
07/03/2012
HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
We didn't talk about sex in my house growing up. As for my husband he too grew up in a home where sex wasn't discussed because it was just him and his mother, who is very religious and proper. His father was in the service and was overseas most of his life and when his father was home he was abusive verbally and mentally to everyone and sometimes physically to my husband. My husband found out later in life that his father was unfaithful to his mother as well. So needless to say he wasn't very open in the bedroom. Thank goodness he has never cheated or been abusive with me and we have learned to be open with each other together. We love each other enough to express what we like and don't worry about the other being critical. In the heat of the moment we have both said things that we would like to do but never really will i.e."I wish you could do me in the a** while I f^cked so in so." or "I wish I could eat you while I f^cked so in so"

So I'm very lucky in that respect that I don't have to be mindful in the bedroom. EF and its community is helping us come out of our shells even more. Thank you.
07/03/2012
Nacht Stern Nacht Stern
When do you think it was that you were able to declare your sexual independence and express yourself honestly and openly in the bedroom?
- I think I was able to experience my independence when I had my first girlfriend. It was a liberating experience to finally be able to fulfill my desire to be with a women.

Do you have any advice for those who still do not feel comfortable with expressing their desires?
- Time, communication, and be true to yourself~!
07/03/2012
Sweetgoof Sweetgoof
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley


Sexuality is a very personal thing and a lot of us have grown up in homes where sex was shameful or done as a wifely duty or just never talked about at all. Or, even worse still - it was something that was used as a weapon in the ... More
I'm pretty comfortable expressing what I want in the bedroom. I've always been pretty open though. My parents were open and honest with me, and I'm the same way with my kids. I think there is a fine line between being open and comfortable enough and being too open and comfortable though.
07/04/2012
potstickers potstickers
I was never sexually repressed and didn't have any negative sexual pressure from adults growing up, so I was always open in my relationship.
07/04/2012
Peggi Peggi
I was raised to think that it was for child bearing only, to be saved for after marriage, and to be more of a wifely duty rather than for pleasure or fun.

My first husband made me believe that it was my "responsibility" to have sex, to please him, and for years I was convinced of this. It wasn't until I was about 22 or so, that I began to gain independence more, to talk about it more openly, though it was always talked about with some of my VERY closest friends. Now, at 24, my friends call me a "sex-positivity advocate", because I am ALWAYS so open and informed when it comes to sex and sexuality and anything of the sort, and am not afraid to give advice and express how wonderful it really can be! Even better, current hubby is all for it and thinks that the fact that I am so open and willing to help others gain self-esteem in the bedroom is admirable, and supports me 150%!
07/04/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I'm still sort of shy and bashful about expressing my desires to my boyfriend. It makes my cheeks hot and I think he finds that sexy and cute. Sometimes it's a little hard to tell him what I want though.

We're eachother's firsts so everything we've learned we learned together. It's an amazing feeling! I'm really happy and lucky to be with such a great guy. I first felt sexually independent the day my boyfriend moved in and my mom moved out and we had the place all to ourselves. We could walk around the house naked and have sex wherever we wanted. lol It's great.
07/04/2012
Total posts: 155
Unique posters: 151