Afraid of Anal?

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Afraid of Anal?

J Peach J Peach
I'm not very experienced with anal, as I've only actually done it twice, but tried it a MILLION times. All of those times it was really painful for me. I've tried any and everything, from lube, to beforehand sex, clit stimulation during, getting really drunk, and even some muscle relaxers. But I just CAN'T DO IT!! Any suggestions?
03/28/2012
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ladychristie ladychristie
I was really scared at first, my ex was not very experienced and hurt me every time he tried. So naturally with J it took a lot of patience on his part, and a lot of work before I'd let him take the plunge. It had probably been many months before I stopped saying it hurts. My suggestion is to relax that's important if you tighten up it'll hurt. And use lots of lube and when you think you have enough lube use more and reapply lube often.
03/28/2012
Mr Dj Mr Dj
go to sexypolitan.com and click on anal, for some articles on how to prepare and more..
03/28/2012
AnonymousX AnonymousX
I'm pretty hesitant myself. I feel like I'd tear or something
03/29/2012
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Anal play is not something you can just do, you must first learn how to relax the anus and that can take some time. Even when you are comfortable with toys during solo time, it is another world when a partner is in control. I can take toys up around the 2 1/2" mark but when the wife uses a toy on me that's only 1 1/4" it can be uncomfortable at first.

Take things slow and work up to his size (even slightly bigger) with toys first, once you are comfortable with the toy then switch to anal sex and go slow. After he is in, stop and let the anus relax and get accustomed to the size before any movement.

Some folks never get the hang of it and that's ok. Pain is the body's way of telling you somethings wrong, listen to it.
03/29/2012
CindyH CindyH
very afraid it hurts not good for my bleading himrods
03/29/2012
ScottA ScottA
If you're trying to go straight to anal then you'll probably have problems. If you're trying to go straight to anal after having previous pain you'll definitely have problems. Anuses, like elephants, don't forget.

Dial it back a notch if you want to go there. Give yourself a few months to just play with yourself. Get yourself excited, and add some external anal play with lube (just rub around the outside). Get used to the sensations, learn to like them. Then slowly work a finger in and learn to like it. Go as slow as it takes to convince your body that you can have anal play without pain and that it can feel good, and if it starts to hurt stop. Once you're playing with penis-sized toys and enjoying it go back to the start of this paragraph with your partner. Yep, back to the outside, because your body needs to learn to trust someone else. Work through the steps again, and if you're ready and want to you can then try "full" penis-anal sex.
03/29/2012
J Peach J Peach
Quote:
Originally posted by ladychristie
I was really scared at first, my ex was not very experienced and hurt me every time he tried. So naturally with J it took a lot of patience on his part, and a lot of work before I'd let him take the plunge. It had probably been many months before ...
That could be my problem, actually. We apply lube like crazy, but only to begin with. We just assume it's enough. But it never feels DRY, you know? I don't know. I just don't think I'm relaxed enough.
03/31/2012
J Peach J Peach
Quote:
Originally posted by AnonymousX
I'm pretty hesitant myself. I feel like I'd tear or something
I feel like that, too!
03/31/2012
J Peach J Peach
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Anal play is not something you can just do, you must first learn how to relax the anus and that can take some time. Even when you are comfortable with toys during solo time, it is another world when a partner is in control. I can take toys up around ...
Thanks for the advice. I never really thought about incorporating the use of toys beforehand. I guess I should have. Haha. I've used toys on myself for anal, and it still wasn't comfortable. Thanks for telling me I'm normal for not getting the hang of it though. I thought I was weird for not liking it.
03/31/2012
J Peach J Peach
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
If you're trying to go straight to anal then you'll probably have problems. If you're trying to go straight to anal after having previous pain you'll definitely have problems. Anuses, like elephants, don't forget.

Dial it ...
I've often heard that I should try getting excited before trying it out, and I have, but after that we just jumped to anal, thinking it would be alright. Buuut, it wasn't. Thanks for the advice, though. I'll keep this in mind.
03/31/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
I'm scared, don't even want to try it. I don't take well to pain and I'd rather not get 'used' to something that hurts when my vagina is fine enough for sex. I'm glad my man doesn't care or ask. I just told him to me, that is an exit only. I also said he has to let me put a vibe in his the size of a penis if he wants his penis in my butt, he wasn't up for that so...yeah. None here. Just the thought makes me clench thinking of the pain lol =/ Had an "accident" once where it barely went in when doing it from behind and I shot up light I had been hit by lightening! NO thanks, just the tip hurt.
03/31/2012
funluvinmama funluvinmama
Quote:
Originally posted by J Peach
I'm not very experienced with anal, as I've only actually done it twice, but tried it a MILLION times. All of those times it was really painful for me. I've tried any and everything, from lube, to beforehand sex, clit stimulation during, ...
I'm the same way. Tried it twice. Tried everything but still have lots of pain. hope you find a way to help you.
03/31/2012
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
I'm scared, don't even want to try it. I don't take well to pain and I'd rather not get 'used' to something that hurts when my vagina is fine enough for sex. I'm glad my man doesn't care or ask. I just told him to me, ...
By "getting used to" no one here means getting used to pain. Pain should not be present in anal sex.

"Getting used to" means that you spend time learning how anal stimulation feels (it feels good but different, and for many people the "difference" is read as "it feels funny"), learning how your body reacts and relaxes, and learning that when you trust yourself and anyone else involved enough to relax anal play doesn't hurt.
03/31/2012
Ciao. Ciao.
It's totally okay to be nervous/unsure about anal sex, take everything slowly, lots of lube, and just use fingers and toys for a while. Play around with yourself and see what is comfortable and what makes you happy. If you can't make it work, you shouldn't feel obligated.

While I personally love anal play of pretty much all kinds, my partner only really likes a little fingering, anything else is too much for her. Nothing wrong with that.
03/31/2012
JG24FanUK JG24FanUK
Quote:
Originally posted by J Peach
I'm not very experienced with anal, as I've only actually done it twice, but tried it a MILLION times. All of those times it was really painful for me. I've tried any and everything, from lube, to beforehand sex, clit stimulation during, ...
My girlfriend is the same way. I think we successed once with it, but she is always tense about it. It just takes alot of patience. Try experimenting with toys to get adjusted to the feelings.
03/31/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by J Peach
That could be my problem, actually. We apply lube like crazy, but only to begin with. We just assume it's enough. But it never feels DRY, you know? I don't know. I just don't think I'm relaxed enough.
I need to have an orgasm or a few of them before we attempt anal sex. It relaxes me like nothing else.

Also, My Man trained me for over a month, gently rimming, using lube, stimulating with only a finger tip, then a little more, very S-L-O-W-L-Y over a period of time.

Many women also find if they are vaginally penetrated (if that is what they are used to during sex) it relaxes further. We use a nice dildo or phallic vibe vaginally before and during anal sex.

Then, lots of lube and start very gentle and slowly.

But, orgasm before we try is the best thing that helped me in the beginning.

Take is slowly. I've never "torn" anything, I do have hemorrhoids (I have three kids) but according to Tristan Taoromino, anal sex and anal play actually reduce the incidence of things like hemorrhoids, by keeping the anal passage healthy. I have found the few hemorrhoids I got during pregnancy have rarely been a problem since we've been having regular anal sex the past few years.

Although some people like to prep with toys, I found I didn't enjoy anal toys until after we had actually performed full anal sex, everybody is different. We found manual stimulation and rimming were enough to get me where I needed to be to partake in this amazing form of making love.

After we got used to having anal sex, we found some toys I really liked and now regularly use a plug or a nice medium size anal probe before hand. But, you need to see what works for you.

The experience of anal sex, especially after some orgasms, is electrifying! I feel like I'm in an altered state, even more, at times, than during oral sex or PIV. If you take your time, it's an experience your most likely will not regret.

Good Luck.
03/31/2012
ScottA ScottA
Everybody's different as far as learning to relax their anus goes. Some people figure it out really fast and can go from finger to penis fast, while others need to seduce their anus with long stimulation and lots of toys to get there. Do what you need to do if you want to try anal, just don't "grit your teeth and bear it". If it's always painful and you can't relax then find something else to do.
04/01/2012
J Peach J Peach
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Everybody's different as far as learning to relax their anus goes. Some people figure it out really fast and can go from finger to penis fast, while others need to seduce their anus with long stimulation and lots of toys to get there. Do what you ...
I generally just grit my teeth an bear it. Lol. I see all of these girls loving anal and I'm like, "Why can't I be that way?"
04/04/2012
JackRaiden JackRaiden
So much great advice here, I'll just say: Check out TUGTASFW (available anywhere, downloadable, etc), a classic by the great Tristan Taormino.

There's no reason to be afraid of playing with your butt. Seriously. I'd definitely recommend solo play for a bit (unless you have a very gentle, educated, trusted partner), until you become comfortable and confident down there.
04/04/2012
gorgeous gorgeous
When my boyfriend is fingering me down there he slides a finger into my butt too. Since you have fingers in both holes it doesn't bother you as much. After getting used to that then I let his try his penis in me and I really liked it. And anal is the one thing I told him I never wanted to try. But I trusted that he wouldn't try to do anything that would hurt me.
04/04/2012
Beck Beck
Try starting with Analingus (rimming) first. Have your partner use their fingers on you once you have relaxed enough to try that. Then move on to a small butt plug and slowly move up to something penis size. Take your time! It is not a race. If your partner really wants to do anal, then they will go slow. Use lube when you need too.
04/04/2012
Incendiaire Incendiaire
The best way to get used to anal is lots of practice by yourself. The last thing you want is an over eager partner trying to ram something up there before you're ready. Invest in a nice dildo, a thick lube, and just spend some time playing by yourself, and getting used to putting things in there. The more you do it the easier it becomes, and the less preparation time you'll need on subsequent occasions. Some people find it useful to insert a butt plug, and then leave it there for a time while you walk around the house and do other things.
04/04/2012
BeachyKeen BeachyKeen
Quote:
Originally posted by J Peach
I'm not very experienced with anal, as I've only actually done it twice, but tried it a MILLION times. All of those times it was really painful for me. I've tried any and everything, from lube, to beforehand sex, clit stimulation during, ...
Have to agree with the other poster who suggested solo play with toys first. You've got to get to know what your body likes. Also, you have to ask what your motivation is. I know if I had an over-eager partner who was bound and determined to see some back door action, my own reaction would be "I don't think so, so don't even think about it." I've just started experimenting with toys myself. When I was younger, I couldn't conceive of anal play. Couldn't wrap my brain -- or my butt -- around the concept. I just thought if it as degrading to women. Now, I can see it's quite pleasurable. I just wasn't emotionally and therefore physically ready for it.
04/04/2012
J Peach J Peach
Quote:
Originally posted by BeachyKeen
Have to agree with the other poster who suggested solo play with toys first. You've got to get to know what your body likes. Also, you have to ask what your motivation is. I know if I had an over-eager partner who was bound and determined to ...
I've started looking into butt plugs and doing a bit of solo play with my fingers. I'm still not incredibly into it, and I'm sure that that's just my mentality. I'm afraid that because I failed once, I'm going to fail again, but that's just something I'll have to overcome on my own. My partner isn't overly eager, actually. I suggested it because neither of us have experienced it, and we would like to share the experience as a first, you know? I could look up all kinds of ways to go about anal, but it just doesn't compare to hearing and reading advice from people who have done it and really enjoy it. I really appreciate all of the feedback from everyone.
04/04/2012
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by J Peach
I've started looking into butt plugs and doing a bit of solo play with my fingers. I'm still not incredibly into it, and I'm sure that that's just my mentality. I'm afraid that because I failed once, I'm going to fail again, ...
Start with external play and just get used to the anal "feelings" without having anything in there. Then go slowly into toys, as slow as it takes. It's going to take a while, because your body now associates anal with pain, and you need to undo that.
04/04/2012
ladychristie ladychristie
Quote:
Originally posted by BeachyKeen
Have to agree with the other poster who suggested solo play with toys first. You've got to get to know what your body likes. Also, you have to ask what your motivation is. I know if I had an over-eager partner who was bound and determined to ...
You know I have never been able to do solo play, I personally can't even go near my butt it doesn't do anything for me, I want no part in it which is weird because I do get into it with J.
04/05/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by J Peach
I generally just grit my teeth an bear it. Lol. I see all of these girls loving anal and I'm like, "Why can't I be that way?"
When you "Grit your Teeth and bear it" your body tenses up, and you set yourself up for failure on that try and for the future. If you aren't 99% relaxed and wanting it, DON'T do it until you relax. You are creating a vicious cycle.

Have you tried orgasms BEFORE anal and using a vaginal dil or vibrator during? These strategies, along with anal training, which can take months before full anal sex can be performed, tend to work the best for many women.

Personally, I never tried any anal play on myself, and relied on my husband to help me with the training during our sex play. I also didn't use toys for a long time, until most of the training (which took several months) was starting to work.

You have to go with what works for you, but you can't push yourself or rush. You'll set up a cycle of fear - pain -tension - anal contraction. Take is slow. Pushing yourself only results in failure, pain and more fear.

You have to not only want it, but work towards it, with the help of a VERY patient and generous partner. He should KNOW when you are in pain or not relaxed, and if he doesn't know TELL HIM. But, no progress was ever made by gritting one's teeth and bearing it.
04/05/2012
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by ladychristie
You know I have never been able to do solo play, I personally can't even go near my butt it doesn't do anything for me, I want no part in it which is weird because I do get into it with J.
In that case here's what I would recommend. Note that you'll have to trust your partner 100% for this to work, and he needs to be trustworthy. If he's still interested in sex after orgasming you might want to bring him off somehow to reduce his desires so he can focus on you.

Start off with him going down on you or using hands to bring you to at least one orgasm. You can also have sex as long as he's willing to go down on you after you have sex (a condom could help if he doesn't like the idea of getting his semen in his mouth - humor him because he's humoring you). Once this is done have him put on a glove - it's not because he's going to penetrate you, but just so it's obvious to him which hand is the butt hand and which can be used for vaginal/clitoral stim. Now, swear as many oaths as necessary to each other that you will not put anything inside your anus. Nothing. Nada. Not even if it's feeling oh-so-good (at this point you're laughing scornfully, but please try to maintain the possibility that it will feel good, even this time).

Then he's going to stimulate your genitals orally and/or manually or with whatever toys you want. You need to be in a position where he can get at your anus, because when you're feeling good he's going to take a lubricated finger and start rubbing around your anus NOT GOING INSIDE, EVER. Since you've sworn that nothing is going inside you can focus on the feelings, and learn that they don't mean pain or poop is coming soon.

Later, when you enjoy it consistently, and when it even starts to feel good without being coupled with genital stimulation, you can try penetration with something very small after being warmed up externally. Think a little finger to start. Remember - lube early, lube often, and go as slow as you need to. Never grit your teeth and bear it.
04/05/2012
Liz2 Liz2
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
If you're trying to go straight to anal then you'll probably have problems. If you're trying to go straight to anal after having previous pain you'll definitely have problems. Anuses, like elephants, don't forget.

Dial it ...
Great advice!!!
Yes, relaxation is the key, work alone for awhile with small butt plugs and lots of lube.
I still use a toy prior to actual anal sex with my partner.
04/05/2012
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