Anal Sex and Shame-Private Poll

bayosgirl bayosgirl
As someone who enjoys anal, at the same time I feel dirty and ashamed. I can tell that my husband isn't crazy about it, which adds to the feeling of shame and paranoia ("does he think I'm a pervert for wanting it?" "I hope there's not poop on the condom..") Sadly, these thoughts interfere with my ability to enjoy it somewhat. I'm not saying the shameful feeling is because of him--I felt this way with my ex, who was VERY open, and I feel this way even when I'm using toys. But it doesn't help! How many people also feel shame when doing any kind of anal play?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, anal play makes me feel shameful enough that I DON'T do it anymore
3  (2%)
Yes, anal play makes me feel shameful but NOT enough to quit doing it
33  (20%)
Anal play doesn't make me feel shame at all
132  (79%)
Total votes: 168
Poll is closed
12/29/2011
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Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
I don't believe there should be any kind of shame associated with sex. Yes, there are sexual mishaps that can be incredibly embarrassing, but it shouldn't be shameful. Sex is about pleasuring not only yourself, but your partner, and I think that only good feelings should be a product of that.

If you feel shame, it may be a good idea to analyze what makes you feel this way. If necessary, talk to a close friend or a therapist, if you can afford one. Talking about it can help remove the negative stigma you feel and help you enjoy yourself.

I personally don't like anal sex, but I never had any negative feelings about per se (except I thought it was physically uncomfortable). Sex is meant to be a wonderful bonding agent, and it would be sad if shame affected that!

I hope this helps
12/29/2011
JoeCanadian JoeCanadian
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
As someone who enjoys anal, at the same time I feel dirty and ashamed. I can tell that my husband isn't crazy about it, which adds to the feeling of shame and paranoia ("does he think I'm a pervert for wanting it?" "I hope ... More
I started a little more than a year ago and have been gradually feeling less ashamed. It is a slow process but important to keep going forward. My goal is to feel completely comfortable with my hetero sexuality which includes anal play.

I absolutely love having something up my bum and thrusting according to what I feel and need and want. It just feels so great.

I've asked my wife about trying pegging me but she's not interested now or yet. It's something I fantasize about and would love her to do. I think it would be amazing to be there, prone, relaxed, being pegged by my gorgeous wife.

Nothing to be ashamed about wanting to feel good in every way.
12/29/2011
MrWishyWashy MrWishyWashy
I do not find shame in it, granted there is a lot more going on back there than 'normal' sex, why should you feel shame if it feels good and it is pleasurable?
12/29/2011
LAndJ LAndJ
I wouldn't say it's a feeling of shame, more just worry. I know my guy isn't totally into, but he's still turned on by it.
12/29/2011
Rossie Rossie
Hope you can let go of that awful feeling soon, there's really nothing to be ashamed of, think of it as just a more exciting way to have sex.
12/29/2011
poetprincess poetprincess
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
As someone who enjoys anal, at the same time I feel dirty and ashamed. I can tell that my husband isn't crazy about it, which adds to the feeling of shame and paranoia ("does he think I'm a pervert for wanting it?" "I hope ... More
I feel shameful sometimes when i want it, my current boyfriend does not like to do anal at all. he finds it disgusting so I do not ask for it. My ex loved it. he loved giving me anal and receiving. To bad he became a jerk.
12/30/2011
jg19 jg19
I think you should sit down and have a frank discussion with your husband on this matter. I'm guessing he might feel weird about it so why not see what exactly he is thinking so you can either overcome the issue or maybe leave anal for masturbation only.
12/30/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
As someone who enjoys anal, at the same time I feel dirty and ashamed. I can tell that my husband isn't crazy about it, which adds to the feeling of shame and paranoia ("does he think I'm a pervert for wanting it?" "I hope ... More
You enjoy it and your "hubby isn't crazy about it". Wow, that seems a slightly unusual twist on the whole thing. Maybe the best thing is for you and he to talk it out. Maybe HE likes it more then you think and maybe HE can actually make you feel less ashamed in any case.

We love anal play...the intensity and incredible "trust" you give to your partner in allowing them entry into that MOST personal zone. My hubby goes NUTS for my tush and I feel nothing but JOY that he loves me...and my hiney, frankly, so darn much!!!!

Shame has never come into the picture, really. If you have a good relation, then DO talk it out and get that albatross off your back. Shame and dirty are NO fun and sex should be FUN. Carefree and FUN between two married people, for sure!!!!

Oh..in my 37 years or so of anal play, we (and a couple lovers before WE were we) never used a condom for this kind of play and there has never been "poop" anywhere. The rectum is empty if you are not prepared to have a bowel movement and so anal play is often VERY clean. It is another reason we DON'T like enema's before anal, since that DOES churn stuff up and I have heard more people have "accidents" from the enema,which likely would NOT have happened without it. Just a thought.

HAVE FUN and best wishes sorting this out.
12/30/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by poetprincess
I feel shameful sometimes when i want it, my current boyfriend does not like to do anal at all. he finds it disgusting so I do not ask for it. My ex loved it. he loved giving me anal and receiving. To bad he became a jerk.
Wow...I am hearing about all these woman enjoying anal and all these guys not wanting to go there. This is SO blowing what I thought was the often opposite position.
12/30/2011
SexyStuff SexyStuff
Maybe not shame so much as embarrassment? But there is a hesitation there, whatever the reason. We're working up to it.
12/30/2011
In Between Soliloquies In Between Soliloquies
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
As someone who enjoys anal, at the same time I feel dirty and ashamed. I can tell that my husband isn't crazy about it, which adds to the feeling of shame and paranoia ("does he think I'm a pervert for wanting it?" "I hope ... More
I stopped being religious quite a while ago, and I don't really answer to anyone, so I don't feel ashamed. Paranoid about hygiene, yes. But no shame. My partner is amazing and always makes me feel secure and sexy no matter what I want "in the sack."
12/30/2011
switzerland switzerland
you should never feel ashamed during/about sex. embarrassed, yes. because sex IS dirty and sweaty and gross, but it should be enjoyable at the same time! i would recommend a lot of solo anal play to get yourself comfortable with it, and definitely talk to your husband about it - maybe he isn't crazy about it, but he wants to please you!
12/30/2011
geliebt geliebt
Nah. I've never felt any shame about a sexual act, and anal is no different! There's nothing at all wrong with it, don't worry yourself! Just enjoy it and have a good time
12/30/2011
prttynink prttynink
My guy loves it, I love it, we love each other. I think the fact that it makes both of us feel great eliminates any remote possibility of any negative feeling afterwards. Even if he wasn't as into it as I was, I know he'd never make me feel badly about it which is a comforting quality in a partner.
12/31/2011
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I odn't feel ashamed with a partner but.. it's not generally socially accepted.
12/31/2011
Daemonin Daemonin
I clicked shameful but not enough to stop, but I feel slightly different that that. I'm not ashamed really, just worry sometimes about cleanliness, no matter how many times I make sure I'm clean. I'm also still getting used to it, so I feel bad when I make him stop. Not even because of him, he makes me feel a LOT better, but because I'm thinking, "GAH! I thought I had it that time!"
12/31/2011
Indigo Morada Indigo Morada
I love anal and it is normal to me. No shame in my game in that regard
01/01/2012
Snozzberries Snozzberries
While I am not ashamed, I do require everything to be in order. I have to be squeaky clean and sure of myself. But that's kind of my OCD and fear of embarrassment coming out.
01/03/2012
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Feel blessed to be one of the rare species of life on Earth that are able to experience immense pleasure, emotion, and spiritual release from sexual gratification. No shame in gratifying yourself
01/05/2012
bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
You enjoy it and your "hubby isn't crazy about it". Wow, that seems a slightly unusual twist on the whole thing. Maybe the best thing is for you and he to talk it out. Maybe HE likes it more then you think and maybe HE can actually make ... More
Isn't it though? (an unusual twist.) I think he doesn't like it because he's very religious...even though I tried to explain to him that "sodomy" in the Bible refers to sex between two males, especially an older male with a young boy, as was widespread during that time. It says nothing against anal sex between wife and husband. Oh well. He's a stubborn one thats for sure.
01/05/2012
Highmaintenancegirl916 Highmaintenancegirl916
No Shame at all. no reason for it.
01/05/2012
Hallmar82 Hallmar82
Nothing about it bothers me but the cleanliness aspect.
01/11/2012
PiƱa Colada Piña Colada
Quote:
Originally posted by bayosgirl
As someone who enjoys anal, at the same time I feel dirty and ashamed. I can tell that my husband isn't crazy about it, which adds to the feeling of shame and paranoia ("does he think I'm a pervert for wanting it?" "I hope ... More
I've never done it but I wouldn't feel ashamed
01/11/2012
sexystuffeve sexystuffeve
no shame when it happens, but it is rare if if it does.
02/06/2012
eeep eeep
I don't feel any shame in anal play at all. At the same time, it isn't something I want a ton of people to know that I enjoy. This is only because a lot of people do not understand it, or you get labeled as a certain type by some people (I have had this happen). For example, I have had guys only become interested in me once they discovered I had kinks, and it seemed that was the only reason they pursued me.
02/07/2012
oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
The naughtiness is part of the appeal for me.
02/09/2012
kawigrl kawigrl
sometimes
02/09/2012
Harpina is gone Harpina is gone
It doesn't make me feel shameful, but I'm not really into it to begin with.
02/16/2012
godweensatan godweensatan
society puts a stigma on ass play, its so crazy... everyone needs to try it and stop complaining.
02/16/2012
Total posts: 78
Unique posters: 72