Very happy, but nothing is ever perfect! Always new things to try, keeps the sex life moving forward!
Are You Satisfied With Your Sexual Life?
01/08/2011
I am usually happy with my sex life. I am also in a relationship, so any part of that is going to be a given amount of compromise with the other party.
01/08/2011
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I'm certainly sticking by her, and do everything your husband did/does. She gets the cards, notes, verbal caresses, flowers, etc. that express my love and desire for her very frequently, and I even try to go beyond that. I've made her dozens of the love coupons that ever woman allegedly loves. I even have written her a 300-page erotic novel (in the choose-your-own-advent ure style) that I will probably give her. I say "probably" because she seemed to think the love coupons were hokey and barely used any of them, so I'm a bit nervous about the novel.
Originally posted by
Redboxbaby
I am so sorry. I had trouble for many years with a similar problem. However, I was sexually distant because I was so consumed with fatigue, random pain/numbness, it took all I had just to keep it together to get through the work day. Even though
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I am so sorry. I had trouble for many years with a similar problem. However, I was sexually distant because I was so consumed with fatigue, random pain/numbness, it took all I had just to keep it together to get through the work day. Even though I desired my husband, the thought of the work involved -- the physical part, the emotional part, as well as the clean up part was sometimes just to overwhelming for me to consider.
I thought I was going crazy. I was disgusted with myself because I felt that way, doubling the guilt. I was ashamed to share those feelings(tripling the guilt) and all those feelings made me think I didn't deserve to love or be loved sexually (God just remembering that feeling makes me cry). I am not even sure if I ever told my husband that yet. He'll have to read this post; not sure I would be able to say those words out loud.
Anyway, I finally found out it was not 'in my head' like every doctor had lead me to believe for 15 years; but instead, MS was robbing me of my energy and I had to learn better ways to conserve it.
I am in no way suggesting that this is what is going on in your situation, but the important part here is that my husband stuck by me and told me everyday I was beautiful and I was sexy. He always let me know that, even when I didn't believe him. One day, I finally broke and decided that if he was still here through all the shit, (the daily grind, still here after nursing me back from brain tumor surgery and months of recovery and still here after I got the MS diagnosis)that maybe he did really love me and was being honest when he'd tell me he thought I was sexy and had an amazing ass. The day I started believing him was the day our sex life changed. I haven't looked back not once -- well, until now. I am forever changed.
I am here to give you hope. If you are madly in love with her, tell her everyday. Maybe her walls will crash down too. less
I thought I was going crazy. I was disgusted with myself because I felt that way, doubling the guilt. I was ashamed to share those feelings(tripling the guilt) and all those feelings made me think I didn't deserve to love or be loved sexually (God just remembering that feeling makes me cry). I am not even sure if I ever told my husband that yet. He'll have to read this post; not sure I would be able to say those words out loud.
Anyway, I finally found out it was not 'in my head' like every doctor had lead me to believe for 15 years; but instead, MS was robbing me of my energy and I had to learn better ways to conserve it.
I am in no way suggesting that this is what is going on in your situation, but the important part here is that my husband stuck by me and told me everyday I was beautiful and I was sexy. He always let me know that, even when I didn't believe him. One day, I finally broke and decided that if he was still here through all the shit, (the daily grind, still here after nursing me back from brain tumor surgery and months of recovery and still here after I got the MS diagnosis)that maybe he did really love me and was being honest when he'd tell me he thought I was sexy and had an amazing ass. The day I started believing him was the day our sex life changed. I haven't looked back not once -- well, until now. I am forever changed.
I am here to give you hope. If you are madly in love with her, tell her everyday. Maybe her walls will crash down too. less
My wife could stand to lose some weight-- not for my eyes mind you, as I find her both beautiful and sexually appealing now-- as it is hurting her self-esteem and reducing her energy level. She also is the primary breadwinner for our household, and when she comes home, she is the one our kids want to spend time with since they've spent the previous hours with me. It all conspires to make frustrated easily and precludes has from "getting in the mood"-- despite my best efforts. I can understand this, and don't press the issue too much, but it's really the lack of interest in arousing/seducing me that is so frustrating. In many respects, that's actually better than sex. Hopefully, like for you, something definitive changes in the future. I at least know that things are a bunch better than they were when I first got married,so there is a precedent.
Thank you so much for your post, by the way. It does indeed give me hope, particularly given that it is from a woman's perspective. Best wishes to you going forward.
01/08/2011
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Vaccineum - like Redboxbaby I too think there can be a better future. I have experienced many of the same perceived snubs - lack of interest, lack of recognition for my attentive efforts, her apparent sense of obligation in spite of her frequent orgasms. Been there - I understand. What changed - why is it better now? Primarily two things - my patience & persistence and a 'change of heart' on her part. Her change of hear came from two directions - first I wrote her many letters describing both what was working and what was not - because talking about it made her uncomfortable. Second, she hear all of her friends talking about how little sex they were getting from inattentive spouses - the light went on about how lucky she is. At that point she resolved to 'make the best of it'. Hope this helps.
Originally posted by
Vaccinium
No. Don't get me wrong, our relationship outside sex is great, but the sexual side needs a lot of improvement. Actually, when we do have sex, it is totally amazing and she continually surprises me with the boundaries she is willing and desirous
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No. Don't get me wrong, our relationship outside sex is great, but the sexual side needs a lot of improvement. Actually, when we do have sex, it is totally amazing and she continually surprises me with the boundaries she is willing and desirous to break down. It's the frequency of sex that really gets to me. It is at best once a week. That's actually a huge improvement over when we were first married when it was on the order of once every month or two, but it is still doesn't meet my needs. Still, I can put up with just once a week if she would show me that she desired me sexually. It is obvious she loves me by her words and actions, but very rarely do I feel like she truly desires me. No cards, no notes, no seduction, little flirting-- it's frustrating. Most nights, it's almost like she does it out of duty, rather than out of desire. I've talked to her about it, but she doesn't really have an answer for me. I go all out trying to show her my desire for her, but not having it be reciprocated is tough. I guess I just need to keep plugging away and hope for the best.
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BTW - this is out of left field - but part of the problem could be physical - with psychological impacts. I notice that you live in Portland - often referred to as the Prozac capital of the world. One theory is that the year-long lack of sun and short days in the winter create a permanent state of Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Making sure you get enough Vitamin D is one good thing - another that I've started to use is 'full spectrum' lighting that is designed to mimic sunlight - more sun for a more sunny disposition!
01/08/2011
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Thank you as well for this post. I think your point about writing her a letter(s) to tell her how I feel is a good idea. As I said, I have talked to her about this before, but it hasn't produced the results I was hoping for. Written communication would also make it far less likely for me to stick my foot in my mouth .
Originally posted by
Gunsmoke
Vaccineum - like Redboxbaby I too think there can be a better future. I have experienced many of the same perceived snubs - lack of interest, lack of recognition for my attentive efforts, her apparent sense of obligation in spite of her frequent
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Vaccineum - like Redboxbaby I too think there can be a better future. I have experienced many of the same perceived snubs - lack of interest, lack of recognition for my attentive efforts, her apparent sense of obligation in spite of her frequent orgasms. Been there - I understand. What changed - why is it better now? Primarily two things - my patience & persistence and a 'change of heart' on her part. Her change of hear came from two directions - first I wrote her many letters describing both what was working and what was not - because talking about it made her uncomfortable. Second, she hear all of her friends talking about how little sex they were getting from inattentive spouses - the light went on about how lucky she is. At that point she resolved to 'make the best of it'. Hope this helps.
BTW - this is out of left field - but part of the problem could be physical - with psychological impacts. I notice that you live in Portland - often referred to as the Prozac capital of the world. One theory is that the year-long lack of sun and short days in the winter create a permanent state of Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Making sure you get enough Vitamin D is one good thing - another that I've started to use is 'full spectrum' lighting that is designed to mimic sunlight - more sun for a more sunny disposition! less
BTW - this is out of left field - but part of the problem could be physical - with psychological impacts. I notice that you live in Portland - often referred to as the Prozac capital of the world. One theory is that the year-long lack of sun and short days in the winter create a permanent state of Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Making sure you get enough Vitamin D is one good thing - another that I've started to use is 'full spectrum' lighting that is designed to mimic sunlight - more sun for a more sunny disposition! less
Yes, SAD is certainly a problem for those of us in the PNW. My wife takes vitamin D orally and topically, and we have full-spectrum light at home (I don't know about where she works), so it's probably not so much a vitamin D deficiency. However, this time of year, my wife goes to work before sunrise, leaves after sunset, and can scarcely see the sky where she works (of course, it's usually cloudy) so that can't be helping psychologically. Come to think of it, this situation is worse during the winter months, but it's also an issue during our long-houred, sunny summer days, so it's not the overriding issue.
I'm patient and not a quitter, so I'm in this for quite some time to come. Thanks again for the helpful words.
01/08/2011
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Gunsmoke - that is a great point about SAD. I see that so much with people here in Alaska in the winter. Agreed on the Vitamin D. I got my levels checked a few years back and they were barely there. I am consistently on 50k units of Vitamin D every week because my body can not maintain it on my own (possibly due to MS). I have to say that alone changed my disposition. For me, it helps immensely with fatigue, but mostly with mood - nice side effect.
Originally posted by
Gunsmoke
Vaccineum - like Redboxbaby I too think there can be a better future. I have experienced many of the same perceived snubs - lack of interest, lack of recognition for my attentive efforts, her apparent sense of obligation in spite of her frequent
...
more
Vaccineum - like Redboxbaby I too think there can be a better future. I have experienced many of the same perceived snubs - lack of interest, lack of recognition for my attentive efforts, her apparent sense of obligation in spite of her frequent orgasms. Been there - I understand. What changed - why is it better now? Primarily two things - my patience & persistence and a 'change of heart' on her part. Her change of hear came from two directions - first I wrote her many letters describing both what was working and what was not - because talking about it made her uncomfortable. Second, she hear all of her friends talking about how little sex they were getting from inattentive spouses - the light went on about how lucky she is. At that point she resolved to 'make the best of it'. Hope this helps.
BTW - this is out of left field - but part of the problem could be physical - with psychological impacts. I notice that you live in Portland - often referred to as the Prozac capital of the world. One theory is that the year-long lack of sun and short days in the winter create a permanent state of Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Making sure you get enough Vitamin D is one good thing - another that I've started to use is 'full spectrum' lighting that is designed to mimic sunlight - more sun for a more sunny disposition! less
BTW - this is out of left field - but part of the problem could be physical - with psychological impacts. I notice that you live in Portland - often referred to as the Prozac capital of the world. One theory is that the year-long lack of sun and short days in the winter create a permanent state of Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Making sure you get enough Vitamin D is one good thing - another that I've started to use is 'full spectrum' lighting that is designed to mimic sunlight - more sun for a more sunny disposition! less
01/08/2011
Mine comes and goes. Sometimes it is amazing and others it is just not enough.
01/08/2011
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my boyfriend and i have been together for four years and i feel like we have the strangest problem with our sex life, we both want sex more. shouldnt that be an easy answer? but it just isnt. i hate starting sex and he doesnt like to be invasive or rejected and we definitly have time preferences that dont agree. its kind of a rut.
Originally posted by
Kynky Kytty
We all talk about some of the toys we like, about some of our fantasies, what we do with our partners or alone, but in the end, there is more than those things on which we define our sexual satisfaction.
In my experience with my last partner, ... more
In my experience with my last partner, ... more
We all talk about some of the toys we like, about some of our fantasies, what we do with our partners or alone, but in the end, there is more than those things on which we define our sexual satisfaction.
In my experience with my last partner, and I have shared on my blog, I had some expectations about a fulfilling sexual life where we would be trying lots of things and have my sex toys used on me. But it was not the case and at the time, I was left dissatisfied. I tried to no avail.
Now that I am single and that I am in complete control of my sexual life, it's never been better and the last time I had such a flourishing libido and sex drive was when I was a teenager and that hormones were through the roof.
So my question is, 'Are you satisfied with your sexual life?'
If you are, what is the most important thing that you value to make you satisfied. If not, what do you think is missing from your sexual life that prevents you to be satified?
And do you sometimes feel like you may have unrealistic expectations that actually prevent you from being satisfied with what you have? Do you sometimes give too much importance on things that you want, but do not really need? less
In my experience with my last partner, and I have shared on my blog, I had some expectations about a fulfilling sexual life where we would be trying lots of things and have my sex toys used on me. But it was not the case and at the time, I was left dissatisfied. I tried to no avail.
Now that I am single and that I am in complete control of my sexual life, it's never been better and the last time I had such a flourishing libido and sex drive was when I was a teenager and that hormones were through the roof.
So my question is, 'Are you satisfied with your sexual life?'
If you are, what is the most important thing that you value to make you satisfied. If not, what do you think is missing from your sexual life that prevents you to be satified?
And do you sometimes feel like you may have unrealistic expectations that actually prevent you from being satisfied with what you have? Do you sometimes give too much importance on things that you want, but do not really need? less
01/08/2011
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I can understand the position your boyfriend is in. Rejection can be awfully tough, especially if it happens too frequently. In my experience, it can compound and build up in a way that can alter the way a man approaches the whole relationship, and not for the better. I have to imagine this is the case with women in this position as well.
Originally posted by
xgreatlovex
my boyfriend and i have been together for four years and i feel like we have the strangest problem with our sex life, we both want sex more. shouldnt that be an easy answer? but it just isnt. i hate starting sex and he doesnt like to be invasive or
...
more
my boyfriend and i have been together for four years and i feel like we have the strangest problem with our sex life, we both want sex more. shouldnt that be an easy answer? but it just isnt. i hate starting sex and he doesnt like to be invasive or rejected and we definitly have time preferences that dont agree. its kind of a rut.
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Don't take this to sound like I'm placing this on you, because it is a relationship and it is a two-way street-- not to mention it's none of my business. Talking with each other and compromise, as with any issue in a relationship, goes a long way.
01/09/2011
I can only speak for myself, but I'm satisfied although there is some room for improvement. In my opinion there is ALWAYS room for improvement.
01/09/2011
Always room for improvements.
02/05/2012
i am
02/05/2012
more anal would be nice, but other than that its damn good. But i do love the ass....
02/05/2012
fisting and pissing might be nice, other wise im good
05/02/2012
I like my sex life, sporadic as it is due to being in a long-distance relationship. Even when we are both home, we're both so busy that it's really difficult to actually spend time together. But when we do, it's good.
05/10/2012
I like my sex life, sporadic as it is due to being in a long-distance relationship. Even when we are both home, we're both so busy that it's really difficult to actually spend time together. But when we do, it's good.
05/10/2012
I am with Sir. When the misses and I are having an active sex life it's awesome but it goes in streaks that are way too far apart for me.
05/10/2012