LADIES, I really need some advice here

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LADIES, I really need some advice here

usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Ok long story short my husband was severaly injured. He lost a leg and arm, and is still recouperating witch it will be a very very long procces. Before if we were home alone we would almost always have sex every chance we got. Sometimes not even sex, just making out in the shower or stuff like that. Now things have changed.

With that past, he has gotten the impression that I want multiplie orgasms everyday. Ok, so maybe I would like to have sex but its not something that I worry about. I know that its not really possible to have the ausome shower sex we use to have, or the way wede lay on top or eachother and hold eachother while wede make out for hours. Its just not possible to do the same stuff. What matters is he is here with me, but he doesnt get that. He is continuelsy feeling bad about the fact he pleasure me how he use to.

Ive told him over and over again all that matters is he made it back alive. That sex is not what my concern is.

He has always had a high sex drive, and still does. We will both be watching tv or something and he will become errect. Its sort of odd at that point because he wants to ejectulate, but knows that I probably wont have a great orgasm. I cant really give oral sex, I gag so easy its pathetic. Ime left with giving him a handjob/toys for at least 45 minutes, and well its getting to the point were he sais dont worry about it. When I become arroused and he notices my niples are hard he wants to make me orgasm. Witch he can but its not like it use to be witch is what he wants. He will give me oral, use a dildo or viberator on me along with Ile help myself out to. Its hard because ile become omcomfotable in that postion after a while and he can move right now, just not alot. So as I become uncomfortable I cant orgasm.

He just wants to make me orgasm, and all I want is for him to be happy. He beets himself up about it mentally.

He always tells me just go in the shower(he knows I use to masterbate in the shower) and have an orgasm without him. I personally dont wana go masterbate without him. I dont know exactly why but I just dont feel right even wanting to go masterbate without him.

We have a ausome friend who we would have some fun with before. We will have a threesome with him, and thats what he trually likes. Shes not always around thoe, and even then unless shes in the mood we wont. Hes knows ive fooled around with just her before(both me and her are bisexual)and has told me a million times its ok if I go have sex with her and that he doesnt care. I wana hit him upside the head when he sais that cause I know he cares.

Ok basicly what it comes down to is how do I make him feel better. I am sort of wondering what should I do to make him feel better about not just himself but making him enjoy his ejectualions more then he is. I bought up the idea of a swing, but he didnt like it one bit.

I cant lie an fake a orgasm, its just wrong and I couldnt do that. At the same time its hard to watch him upset.
09/15/2010
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kck kck
The following is my personal opinion. I'm not a professional, just a friend

usmcwife99,

I agree that you shouldn't fake an orgasm and that you should include your husband in your sex life and masturbation sessions. As you have said, his life did not end--it has changed. The same with your sex life: It need not end because of his injuries, it will only change. And change is not a bad thing. Think of it this way: You both now have to rediscover sex, your bodies, the possibilities, new ways of doing things. Sounds exciting to me!

You mentioned several times that you have tried to talk to him about the way you feel, and that he insists in believing otherwise. To this I say, don't give up. Keep talking to him. And, above all show him through your actions. If he persists in feeling inadequate despite what you say, maybe therapy would be a good option for you both. Talking to a professional may help him realize that he is what you really want. It may help with his confidence and self-image.

Again, all I've offered is my opinion. I hope that it can, in some small way, help or encourage you.

Be strong for him. He needs you. Hugs!
-kck
09/15/2010
Darling Jen Darling Jen
I agree that you definitely shouldn't lie or fake anything. That can't help anything. But being with each other, sexually AND emotionally, can help a lot. Just love each other and be thankful he came back. I think he's probably just going through a depressive episode, which is completely justified. And what he really needs is to know that he's just as loved, needed, and desired now as he was before. It'll take time but love heals all wounds.

If you really need some sexual release and he's not up for it, take care of yourself for a while but maybe find ways of offering his participation. But when it comes down to it, sex is second to love. So just be there for each other. Don't give up or let this rough spot get you down. If there's anything I've learned recently, it's not to take love for granted. You could have it one moment and it be gone the next.
09/15/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Love him, Honey, he's healing from emotional scars and grieving the loss of body parts and being "whole". He'll be whole again but sometimes the emotional scars are the hardest to heal from. Get some professional help like a counselor to talk to especially one who is sympathetic to the issues surrounding sexuality and recovery.

YOu can learn to quell the gag reflex by practicing on dildos. It's about learning to relax the throat muscles. Pick up a good well recommended book on blowjob technique and practice on him. make it about you overcoming your problem with gagging not about him cumming and it will be easier for both of you. Get a good book on handjob techniques or better yet an instructional video! You can work through this but ya, sleeping with someone else isn't gonna help the issue. You both have to learn the limits of your new life so you can exceed them and make sex BETTER than it was before!

Look at it this way, before you were just doing what came naturally. Now you are naturally doing what you like and you are CONSCIOUS of what it is you like! Have you looked at this product? link This might be useful later on, and would be amazing if your friend would love to have another threesome with you guys!

He's still the man you love you just have to find new ways to love him. it's like starting over in your relationship...you could suggest he look at it like the past sex you had was with another person. Ask him to get to know the new you as though you were totally brand new to him. Do things different, get some lingerie that he wouldn't expect you to wear.

Get youself in the mentor program if you aren't and make advanced so you can try one new product a month, then try things that are new and exciting to both of you.
Good luck to you both.
09/15/2010
SydVicious SydVicious
That's a sticky situation because I'm sure his male ego is bruised because of all the difficulty in the bedroom. I think you will just have to keep trying and exploring new ways to make sex work for you.

Are you able to do the woman on top position? Maybe when you get uncomfortable and need to change positions, you can trying being on top and he could use some sort of clitoral stimulator on you at the same time. That way he will still be taking part.

I think the sex swing might be helpful, but I can totally see why he might not like the idea. The swing might be good for YOU to get into and maybe you you will be for comfortable, and he might be able to move you around a bit easier too.

I can't even imagine what you are going through. My hubby just left last week for his 3rd deployment to Iraq... and I can't even imagine. Hopefully you guys can find something that works for both of you.
09/15/2010
SydVicious SydVicious
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Love him, Honey, he's healing from emotional scars and grieving the loss of body parts and being "whole". He'll be whole again but sometimes the emotional scars are the hardest to heal from. Get some professional help like a ...
Wonderfully said Airen!
09/15/2010
sumie sumie
That was a wonderful reply Airen. I recommend this book Sex Toys Shop for learning how to do a blowjob and make it more about you learning how to do this because you want to. If you don't want to use a dildo for practice you could use vegetables instead-make it fun.

A fun thing you could try is one of those remote control vibrating panties/vibrators. Give him the remote and encourage him to tease you!
EF has a ton to choose from:

link

He needs time and during a long recovery it can be hard on the individual. To suddenly not be able to do what used to come easily or natural is traumatic. Just be there for him and keep reminding him you are happy to have him home.

He also needs to feel useful rather than a burden. Having him keep busy can help distract him from feeling depressed about his situation.

You should also plan non-sexual activities that you two can enjoy together to show how much you like being with him and enjoy his company.
09/16/2010
Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
Neither of you should be made to feel as though you're obligated to have sex or masturbate in order to please yourselves or each other. I can understand that your husband is hurting right now, wants to reconnect with you and make sure that things are just as good as before, but at the same time you both need to be happy sexually, and to be happy with one another.

I definitely recommend doing more non-sexual things together, even if it's just having a movie night at home, going out to dinner, playing a game of Monopoly or Scrabble, together. Sex is the best possible intimacy there is, but there are other things you can do to rekindle the romance and keep things going strong.
09/16/2010
usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by SydVicious
That's a sticky situation because I'm sure his male ego is bruised because of all the difficulty in the bedroom. I think you will just have to keep trying and exploring new ways to make sex work for you.

Are you able to do the woman ...
Your husband is in my prayers. Ime sure youve heard the saying sometimes the hardest job in the military is being the wife. Theres many like that thoe.
09/16/2010
usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
The following is my personal opinion. I'm not a professional, just a friend

usmcwife99,

I agree that you shouldn't fake an orgasm and that you should include your husband in your sex life and masturbation sessions. As you have ...
Thank you sweetie

yes, hes deffintily been talking to several docters concerning mental health. It actually came up the other day. It was odd that he said that we have not been having sex and that its not something either of us are desirng right now. He doesnt get that he needs to just be honest. I was pulled asside the other day by one of them and just asked if that was true and ime like no not really. She also said just stick by his side and that it will get better one day.
09/16/2010
usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by sumie
That was a wonderful reply Airen. I recommend this book Sex Toys Shop for learning how to do a blowjob and make it more about you learning how to do this because you want to. If you don't want to use a dildo for practice you could use vegetables ...
I have read that book a while back, I dug it out of a box and read it once again. I honeselty dont think I could do 10 pages without gettting horny. It does have some good advice, its helped a little.
09/24/2010
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Unique posters: 7