Attracted to women and scared

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Attracted to women and scared

Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
I love women, always have and always will. I'm in a good relationship with a guy i love more then i love myself but i have this problem..
I have this feeling that if i dont make a move and try to be with a women in some way then i'll be missing out or ill regret it.
My boyfriend is more then supportive and he thinks i should be with a women at least once before we get married ( Me being with a women isnt cheating to him)
but im shit scared! I dont know how to even go about meeting women, i seem to get so nervous when im around other people i know are Gay/Lesbian/Bi
so what should i do to get over this fear! because i feel if i dont do it i will regret it.
05/09/2011
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MaryExy MaryExy
I'm about the same way as you. I would like to try being with a girl at least once, and my guy would like me to try it, but... I'm just so darn scared to start looking!

Honestly for me, I think if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. It may also be worth looking into a threesome with another girl, that way you guys could share the experience?

I'm curious to see what some people say
05/09/2011
Miss Nessa Miss Nessa
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
I'm about the same way as you. I would like to try being with a girl at least once, and my guy would like me to try it, but... I'm just so darn scared to start looking!

Honestly for me, I think if it's meant to happen, it'll ...
Ha, I thought i was the only one that was a little freaked out.
I want it to happen... but ya know lol

I agree with you that if it's ment to happen then it will happen, i hope it's ment to happen. lol i'd love to give it go. As for a thereesome im too much of a jealous person to have that hahahahaha but we have talked about it and he doesnt want to have one. Why? only God knows but he did say he would LOVE to watch lol

iam also really curious about what people would say.

Thanks for taking the time out to answer my question and to give me a little of your own input.
05/10/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Wow, my ADD post just didn't make any sense to me. So instead of assuming a bunch of stuff about what you might be going through, I'll just ask you my questions before I answer.

1) Why is you having sex with another woman not cheating, but him having sex with another woman is cheating?

2) Are you just sexually attracted to women, or do you think you have the potential to fall in love and be with a woman long-term.

3) Why do you think you'll regret not having been with women?

I have several thoughts about this whole scenario, but until I have a clearer picture of the story, I cannot answer.
06/05/2011
CSEA CSEA
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Wow, my ADD post just didn't make any sense to me. So instead of assuming a bunch of stuff about what you might be going through, I'll just ask you my questions before I answer.

1) Why is you having sex with another woman not ...
these are all extremely good questions and I double this!
06/05/2011
CutiePatootie CutiePatootie
I think you should first think that you will FEEL like you're cheating. And also what would make him feel like you're cheating. My husband and I have strict rules that work for us so that no one is feeling left out or upset.

As far as being nervous about other girls. I tend to be most comfortable with girls who are like me, who are bi or experimenting with their sexuality, not full-blown lesbian. It feels like we're all on the same page.

Best of luck.
06/08/2011
emiliaa emiliaa
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I love women, always have and always will. I'm in a good relationship with a guy i love more then i love myself but i have this problem..
I have this feeling that if i dont make a move and try to be with a women in some way then i'll be ...
I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like it would just be a sexual experience alone and you might be messing with the woman's head, so think of that first and make sure any woman you go near understands that you are only physically attracted, not emotionally.

And I'll give you a hint as to why you 'feel like you're cheating'--your husband restricts you from some people and allows you freedom to be with others. Now THAT will fuck with your head! Men and women are, contrary to popular belief, all people. If you are allowed to mess around with women, but not men, then you will feel restricted and confused. At least, I certainly would if my lover ever told me "oh yeah, don't do him. Not because I don't trust him, because he's a man. That's cheating, because men are people."

I understand he feels differently about your relations to men and your relations to women, but he is being rather sexist...for lack of a better word? in saying that one is cheating and the other is not.
06/10/2011
Eucaly Eucaly
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I love women, always have and always will. I'm in a good relationship with a guy i love more then i love myself but i have this problem..
I have this feeling that if i dont make a move and try to be with a women in some way then i'll be ...
If you're this worked up over it, then you probably aren't ready. Pushing things when you aren't ready is more likely to lead to regret than anything else you can do in your sex life.

I'm not sure why you think it has to happen now or it'll never happen. Why can't it happen later? If you are later in a situation that feels more natural and not rushed, more like you want it and not like a chore, that's the good way to do this.

Rushing along because you feel like you have to do this right now seems like a recipe for an unpleasant experience.
06/10/2011
SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I love women, always have and always will. I'm in a good relationship with a guy i love more then i love myself but i have this problem..
I have this feeling that if i dont make a move and try to be with a women in some way then i'll be ...
Honetsly it inst cheatingif its osmething you both agree on it is how ever cheating if you dont agree i think if I were you id try and be ur self or chat up bisexual women on line and i agree with the 3some idea
06/13/2011
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Nessa
I love women, always have and always will. I'm in a good relationship with a guy i love more then i love myself but i have this problem..
I have this feeling that if i dont make a move and try to be with a women in some way then i'll be ...
i was (and kind of still am) the same way... was curious about girls from an early age, and would get attracted to girls in such an intense way, normally best friends of mine, yet was terrified to ever making a move for fear of ruining the friendship. i thought they would find me gross if i tried anything. so i yearned from afar, cherishing and rejoicing in every touch, every hug, every timid sideways glimpse when changing together.


it took a couple very aggressive girls (aggressive in a good way!) to initiate sex and i never regretted it.

having a relationship with a woman however is something i've yet to even begin to figure out... so many wild emotions going on... how could it ever work?


my current BF is totally into a threesome however and wants to try one. i recommend you relax, take your time, and let it come to you.


trying too hard never works, eh?



a fun little exercise i like to do sometimes is journal a bit, writing down everything you wish for yourself (in this case, a female sexual partner) in great detail, and as if it is happening now.

for example, a journal entry would be:


i am strong, i am fearless
i am in a healthy sexual relationship with the woman of my dreams
she is funny, sexually healthy, open to me
she is tall and curvy with green eyes.
we use toys in our play and open up more to eachother with every sex act.
....


etc.


it may sound silly but sometimes it can work! what you think about you bring about.


good luck, dear butterfly.
06/15/2011
cryinglightning86 cryinglightning86
First of all, I wonder why your boyfriend doesn't consider it cheating if you're with another woman? That aside, if you have his blessing, then why not? Go for it. I guess it is natural to be scared, but we queer ladies don't bite. We're a rather approachable bunch.
07/13/2012
HotMess;) HotMess;)
I agree with the statement above about if your significant other doesn't mind you sleeping with a woman it isn't cheating. I think if you feel you need to try sex with a woman before getting married... do it! There are plenty of ways of finding women that are wanting to do the same. I think a threesome would be a good idea, but only if you can see your man having sex with another woman. I know when I have been in a monogamous relationship, I couldn't bear to see that. So think long and hard on if you can do that, because it could ruin the relationship. So go for it... and good luck
07/20/2012
TheirPet TheirPet
It's not cheating if you both agree on it. And I'd wait until you find someone you actually want to sleep with instead of seeking someone out. But I know a friend that seeks out female partners and does just fine. It varies by person.
07/20/2012
ToyGeek ToyGeek
As long as everyone involved is on the same page emotionally and with regards to expectations, I don't see a problem with it, but if you're scared of pursuing it, don't force it. Cheating implies sneaking and lying -- doing something with the other person's blessing could never be that, so long as communication is clear for all involved.
07/20/2012
altheasmarnella altheasmarnella
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
I'm about the same way as you. I would like to try being with a girl at least once, and my guy would like me to try it, but... I'm just so darn scared to start looking!

Honestly for me, I think if it's meant to happen, it'll ...
here's what I know from experience...you don't have to look far. The bis are everywhere! I run into a shit ton of them at the straight bar, but I'm rather forthcoming about my sexuality, so they are more inclined to divulge theirs
03/05/2013
Total posts: 15
Unique posters: 14