Adding a friend to a relationship...

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Adding a friend to a relationship...

indiechick indiechick
What are people's thoughts on adding a female friend to a hetero relationship? Would you rather bring in someone that neither one of you is close to? A close friend of her's or his?
04/27/2012
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TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think any relationship is complicated and it gets even more complicated with the more people you add. If it was just sexual, I would lean more toward someone we didn't know. The situation has a high rate if having things go wrong and you really risk losing a friend that way.
04/28/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
In a purely sexual situation, I'd rather add in someone that neither he or I are close to. Less chance for complications that way.
04/28/2012
PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
In a purely sexual situation, I'd rather add in someone that neither he or I are close to. Less chance for complications that way.
I agree.
04/28/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by indiechick
What are people's thoughts on adding a female friend to a hetero relationship? Would you rather bring in someone that neither one of you is close to? A close friend of her's or his?
I couldn't do it period. It's not something I would be able to cope/deal with. We are monogamous though. However, even if we were not monogamous, it would be such a complex thing that I would probably steer clear in fear of risking the entire relationship... Hmm... what a rhyme! Lol.

The Parrishism said it well.
04/28/2012
Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
Quote:
Originally posted by indiechick
What are people's thoughts on adding a female friend to a hetero relationship? Would you rather bring in someone that neither one of you is close to? A close friend of her's or his?
i dont play nice with others and i dont share my man so that would be a big no all around for me but i would think a stranger would be best that way theres no uncomfortable feelings towards friends later
04/28/2012
VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
When you say "adding to the relationship" I think it is more emotional and romantic than "just sex". If it's swinging, then someone who is a stranger is usually okay, as long as the trust and boundaries are there. However, I know many people who swing who are friends with their other lovers. Many met through the scene and developed friendships along the way.

However, if we're talking poly, then it depends. I am in an equal triad. I have known one of my partners since junior high school! We were friends long before we met our other partner or become involved in a relationship. It worked out amazingly well.

If it's an equal triad, then it seems to me you'd want the person to be BOTH of your friends. Friendship is an important part of a romantic relationship, in my opinion. But hey, you can totally date a stranger and DEVELOP a relationship.

If it's not an equal triad -- i.e. the two girls are gfs, or the girl is the guy's gf, but not involved with BOTH of the couple, then who knows.

There's really no way of saying "This is how it should work." Each relationship is unique and complicated and has its own dynamic.
04/28/2012
SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by TheParrishism
I think any relationship is complicated and it gets even more complicated with the more people you add. If it was just sexual, I would lean more toward someone we didn't know. The situation has a high rate if having things go wrong and you really ...
I agree.
04/29/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
My sister is in a wonderful and loving equal triadic relationship with another woman and a man. They all live together, sleep together, share a bed and bedroom. My sister and her boyfriend have been together for several years. Their girlfriend is a more recent addition, a little less than a year. They are all 3 very happy and it works very well for them. I don't, however, think this is a good situation for everyone. I'm honestly not sure I'd be able to be in a triad or non-monogamous relationship. If I did, it would be only other women, no men, since I'm not interested in men. I think it takes a great deal of trust and communication and honesty. These are, of course, vital to any good relationship but I think that becomes even more true with more people or some non-traditional type of relationship. I don't think it's for everyone but for my sister and her partners, thus far I think it's been an amazing thing for all of them.
I've known many polyamorous individuals and couples and for some it works perfectly while for others it causes nothing but strife and problems. I think it's something you truly have to decide for yourself and your relationship on an individual basis. There's no rules to this game except the ones you decide on with your partner(s) and no right or wrong thing to do except what's right or wrong for you and your relationship.
If it's a one time try it out kind of thing, a long term friend may not always be the best choice since there may be feelings afterward that could damage or destroy a friendship. Personally, I'm not one for anonymous one-night-stand-type sexual encounters but some people are and that's fine. For more serious relationships, friendship is a vital part of any good relationship, especially lasting ones, but I think there's many good reasons why a lot of people choose not to become involved in a romantic or sexual relationship with a good friend. I think you should look at it from the same perspective you would if you were single and interested in pursuing a relationship with a friend, except maybe examine even more carefully since there are extra hearts and minds on the line. If considering embarking on a sexual or romantic relationship with a friend, I would ask myself if the potential rewards of such a venture would outweigh the risks of loosing that person as a friend and part of my life if things go badly. This is ALWAYS a possibility, no matter how much you promise each other and yourselves that nothing will ruin your friendship. There is ALWAYS something that can destroy even the very best of friendships. Always. For me, personally, a one time threesome experience would not be worth the risk. A long term triadic relationship might be if I thought it really had a shot and I really cared about both the people involved and they for me and for each other and we were all on the same page about what we wanted. But in any case, it would never be something I'd recommend rushing into or engaging in carelessly. And, bear in mind the potential damage adding a third party to a relationship can have on the existing dyad as well and weigh those risks against the possible benefits. I'm not saying it's a bad idea to have a threesome. Many, many couples do it successfully and enjoy the experience and my sister and Velvet Dragon are both prime examples of threesomes working out tremendously well as more serious relationships. It's just something that I think should be considered VERY carefully and cautiously with lots, and I mean LOOOOOOOTS, of communication, trust and honesty.
05/02/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
My sister is in a wonderful and loving equal triadic relationship with another woman and a man. They all live together, sleep together, share a bed and bedroom. My sister and her boyfriend have been together for several years. Their girlfriend is a ...
Oh, and I should mention, my sister and her boyfriend were very good friends with their now girlfriend before they became involved. For that matter, my sis and her boyfriend were very good friends with each other before becoming involved years ago. They make a good case for starting with a friend, though not everyone will experience the good fortune that they have, of course. There's just always a high risk for things to go badly in these types of situations but a small chance of things working out so wonderfully that it may be worth the risk.
05/02/2012
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 9