Question for lesbians

loveme loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
10/26/2012
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Leda Leda
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
greetings,

I feel as though there is more to this question than you are really asking.
I am a person who is a believer that sexuality is fluid, I find it difficult to say that I would not date a person who is Bi.

I feel I need to ask more questions to you about what is it that makes you feel the Bi woman are not taken seriously?

Let me tell you a little background on myself.
I am a biological female (although I don't identify as only woman,I also have masculine ways)
think of me as a genderqueer.
Have I have dated Bi woman including being hurt by them?
Yes, emotionally I was hurt by a few (and they left me for a Bio male)
this doesn't prevent me or cause me to hold a grudge against all woman who can love both.

Not all woman/humans are the same sexually or sexually, if you are finding people are not appreciating you as a person then they don't deserve you as a lover.
10/26/2012
Vanille Vanille
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
I'm guessing because of the tendency to leave a girl for a guy.

My girlfriend is bisexual, and I take her seriously. I also know a married couple who are both bisexual women.

The only bisexual people I don't take seriously are the ones who bounce back and forth between girls and guys frequently.
10/26/2012
vanillaSpice vanillaSpice
I think it's the whole homoeroticism-as-a-dis play-to-attract-dudes stereotype. I've never encountered anyone who actually does this, mind you, and I think it's a pretty stupid and damaging thing to think! I've met a number of bisexual people who feel like their orientation is less real or like they're not "queer enough" because they have a degree of heterosexual attraction, which I think is sad. The dumb ideas people have about you don't matter, what you feel and think matters.
10/27/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
Here's my take on it. This is mostly stuff I've said before in previous threads.
I know a lot of lesbians who have had bad experiences with girls who aren't lesbians breaking their hearts because of going back to men or cheating on them with men which has sort of soured them on non-lesbians. I really try, personally, to be open to the girls who are bi/pan/unlabeled/whate ver because, in theory, I embrace the idea that love is about a person and not a gender. I, myself, have never been turned on by any male-identified or male-bodied person and would never want to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't turn me on, so I stick with what works for me. But in THEORY, the equal opportunity mindset jives more with my general philosophy.
Personally, I take my relationships serious as a heart attack. People's feelings and hearts are at stake and I never take that lightly and I expect whoever I'm dating to be the same. If they are just doing it as a fling or just to "try it out" or on a lark, that's really hurtful to me and unfortunately, those people exist. They'll date and sleep with women but only really see themselves in serious relationships with men. It's really not that uncommon and I, for one, don't want to start dating someone that has zero potential to grow into a serious relationship. I don't want to put forth the effort of getting to know someone and, for lack of a better word, wooing them and possibly developing feelings for them, if they are already planning for it not to last because that's a recipe for heartache. Not that I expect someone to be committed to long term right off the bat, but they should at least be open to a long term relationship developing. I would never start dating someone knowing full well from the start that they aren't someone I'd be with long term because that's not fair to them and a waste of both of our time. I've had numerous people start dating me who knew, for various reasons, that there was no long term potential but they didn't really let me in on that and I ended up getting hurt. I think a lot of lesbians see a higher risk of this with girls who also date guys because so many of them plan on eventually settling down and/or marrying a man.
This is without even getting into bi girls who are in relationships with men who want to have a fling with a girl, which I've also encountered, and the girls who just want to have a threesome. Not that there's anything wrong with threesomes, or even three-way relationships, but most lesbians aren't down with FMF threesomes for, hopefully, obvious reasons.
All of this boils down to the unfortunate fact that a few have sort of spoiled things for the many. Not that all lesbians shun bisexuals, far from it. Like I said, I try to keep an open mind. But a lot of us have been hurt and that can make some people jaded, and some get tired and frustrated of running into the same thing over and over. Mostly it goes back to bad experiences that resulted in bad impressions that unfavorably color future interactions. They key, in my opinion, to bisexuals dating lesbians is to be very open about expectations and possibilities. For a bisexual who is equally open to a relationship developing regardless of gender, it's important to let prospective romantic interests know that you're serious, not just trying it out or doing it for fun.
10/31/2012
Laurinnichole Laurinnichole
Because they don't like dicks and bisexual women do.
11/03/2012
jessi2 jessi2
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
One bad apple generally spoils it for the bunch for most people.

I have had several very close friends who are bi and extremely proud of it. I have friends who date girls exclusively for relationships but enjoy sex with a man. It is just a means of finding your perfect match and balancing out your interests.

There are a few bi people that I know only do it for attention since they gross out when they are kissed by either a girl or a guy, but to each their own. I also believe that sexual preference for some is fluid. Love is about finding your perfect match
11/24/2012
novanilla novanilla
I don't get that either, and I have experienced it as well. And even if we were to go back and forth between men and women, what's wrong with that? Isn't that kind of the point? We date whoever comes along and can change it up when we want?

A bisexual who dates women every other time they date someone is just as legitimate as one who dates one man every 10 years. I don't get what the difference is.
11/25/2012
zz1aag zz1aag
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
not much
11/28/2012
loveme loveme
I'm thinking it's because a lot of "bisexual" girls call themselves bisexual but are actually just curious or just like to mess around with girls, but don't take them seriously.
12/20/2012
unoriginalgirlyid unoriginalgirlyid
I personally wont be in a serious relationship with a bi woman because I am not secure enough. I know that if they decide they miss being with a man somewhere down the road there wont be much I can do to help in that department.
12/21/2012
falalena falalena
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
maybe they feel as though the bisexual girl is doing it for attention from the guys, and will leave when she finds one.
12/24/2012
mr115393 mr115393
I think they feel threatened. They feel like their partner has so many options and could find something else much more easily than they could. And they also see the bi woman as being able to "default" to a safer, heterosexual relationship if things get tough. Part of me understands it, but it's just ridiculous if you ever take the time to analyze it.
01/03/2013
Bittenflame Bittenflame
I'm a lesbian, and I had only dated bisexual girls up until this year. Mainly because there were no femme lesbians that I found attractive and met my standards.

They do have a bit of a bad rep with us simply because we have a fear that one day they will wake up and crave man. That or depending on the girl they won't consider sleeping with a cisgendered male as cheating since "we are different genders." So it's more of a fear thing.
01/03/2013
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
In my experience, it's because there is one or two girls that ruined it for them. This was the case with the first girl I had a crush on. I liked her and she liked me. It was super mutual, but at the time, I had been exclusively straight and was just discovering for myself that I am indeed lesbian.

It's hard to tell if a girl really is bisexual or if she's just doing it to get more male attention. Which is sad to have to state.
01/03/2013
Roshandala Roshandala
Quote:
Originally posted by loveme
Alot of lesbians don't take bisexual girls seriously. Why exactly is that?
Because a lot of girls who say they're bisexual are just straight girls who are pretending for attention.
02/24/2013
loveme loveme
It shouldn't depend on the person's sexual orientation. I see alot of people saying its a security thing. It should depend on the person, their values, morals, and way of thinking. Anyway if you are with someone who you don't know whether or not you can trust them, then what are you doing in that relationship in the first place? The way I look at it, if there is no trust or no respect, then there is no relationship. It's already set up to fail.. Eventually. I don't care if they are bisexual or lesbian, I care about their mentality, personality, and heart. I personally think that's the way it Should be. That's just my opinion though lol.
02/25/2013
loveme loveme
I understand if its someone just asking for attention and are really not into girls. Thats not being bisexual, that's being bicurious. Again, that is what I mean by it should depend on the person, not there preference.
02/25/2013
loveme loveme
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
Here's my take on it. This is mostly stuff I've said before in previous threads.
I know a lot of lesbians who have had bad experiences with girls who aren't lesbians breaking their hearts because of going back to men or cheating on ... More
I totally agree with you, word for word, and completely understand your point of view. You have a lot of very good points. As for what you said, that bisexuals dating lesbians should be open about expectations and possibilities.. I agree, although that should be true with any type of relationship.
02/25/2013
LoneOokami LoneOokami
I think a lot of it has to do with the misconception that bisexuals are very promiscuous and not loyal.
03/09/2013
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 16