When friends are unaccepting of your gender or sexuality

GONE! GONE!
So I came out about being transgender to a close-ish friend last year and while at first he was all YEAH I TOTALLY SUPPORT YOU, he never bothered to start using the right pronouns and in fact actually seems to be trying to force me to be the wrong gender and reinforce me being it even though I'm not (Like, saying stuff like OH YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT US MEN and YOU'RE A LADY WHAT'S IT LIKE O___O How would I know, I'm not a lady...). I've pretty much had it but I have no idea how to confront him. Should I wait until the next time he says something that pisses me off or should I just be open and direct, like, right now? I mean it's really grinding my gears to the point that I'm having a lot of extra stress over it.

And I certainly don't mind opinions from people who aren't transgender or LGBT at all here too. Just try to put yourselves in any similar situation, like if someone was insisting you were something YOU aren't all the time.
01/06/2013
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Mwar Mwar
I'm someone who has a trans friend and some acquaintances. Pronouns are a bit hard in the beginning, at least for me. Not because I had anything against my friend and their transition, it was simply because I was using "him" for over 8 years. It takes a bit of time to make that mental switch effortlessly. While understanding what they want, I also compromise a bit and use "they" instead.

With your friend, I'd suggest sitting him down and telling him how his actions are not cool. Come to him calmly and when he's not around friends so he doesn't feel the need to be macho or anything. If he seems to sober up on the issue, I recommend making a clean slate and trying again. He he decides to be a prick, then I'd recommend distancing yourself. Not cutting off, but some distance. Maybe his behavior is a way of him trying to deny something he doesn't understand.

Or maybe it's because he thinks what your doing is a "phase" and it'll pass. Whatever his reasons, if he continues to be disrespectful, you don't need that. Also, he might realize what he has done if you distane yourself and he might see reason some more.

Good Luck!
01/06/2013
eroticmutt eroticmutt
I am sorry he is doing that to you.

It is one thing to slip up and accidentally use the wrong pronouns or old name, but it is completely different to make rude and ignorant remarks about what you think of someone's gender.

Some people may not feel that way, but it honestly is. That's just as disgusting and thoughtless as people making remarks about someone's race or religion. Not only that, but that's like being a confirmed Christian and someone making ignorant remarks about a Jewish or Muslim faith and trying to pin them on you, when you're not even of that faith.




If he is causing you enough stress to be thinking about this when you aren't even around him, he NEEDS to stop pronto. Already he is in the wrong, and going out of his way to be a rude person to you, and you're saying you told him last year.

Some people are friends, some people seem like friends, and some people really are friends until they find out that your values don't align with theirs, but right now he is basically harassing you, and you need to let him know that you will not stand to be treated in that way.

If he thinks your feelings are a joke or a game or that they simply do not matter, you need to break that pattern. If he can't handle that, he can end the friendship.
01/06/2013
Gracefire Gracefire
Ugh. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I would talk to him and tell him how much his actions hurt you. If he still can't respect you enough to start using the correct name and pronouns, then, well, he's not much of a friend, is he?
01/06/2013
Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
I agree TOTALLY with Gracefire here. I lead quite the same problem as you, and know how it feels when someone seemingly tries to steer you in that direction you do not want to go.

As Gracefire said, you should talk to them.
With one of my friends I said "Hey if you cant respect me enough to recognize that I identify as female, then, we need to reconsider our friendship."

It could go either way either they apologize, and call you as you are. OR they could say "But you are a (insert sex of child here)."

Again if it is negative and they still disregard it then they really are not much of a friend, and cant accept you for who you are.
01/10/2013
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 5