If you were dating a M2F transgender woman and she was pre-op...(private poll)

Peggi Peggi
I have a friend who is a M2F transgender woman, pre-op, and although she is definitely a woman on the inside, her genitals just don't match the inside! She is actually in no rush to change this, but a lot of people give her grief about it. I was just curious, if you were dating a woman, knowing she is pre-op, would the male genitalia bother you? I always try to give her advice and help her out, but I thought maybe getting an idea of whether or not this is a big issue among MOST people rather than just the few who have come into her life, might help me out!
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
It would bother me a lot!
7  (4%)
It would bother me a little bit
17  (10%)
It wouldn't bother me at all
137  (77%)
Other
17  (10%)
Total votes: 178
Poll is closed
12/22/2011
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Ryuson Ryuson
It wouldn't bother me at all, but when I look at someone and consider how attractive they are I don't consider gender, anyways.
12/22/2011
Ciao. Ciao.
I'm trans so I'm probably a little biased

But yeah, genitals wouldn't really bother me if I was otherwise attracted to the person. I have only been with female partners but absolutely would be comfortable with a woman with a penis, a man with a vagina, or any other combination there if she (or he) was the right person for me.

There are plenty of people who would freak out about this I'm sure, but your friend just needs to find the right partner who doesn't care. It's perfectly fine in my book for a trans person never to change their genitals if that's not what bothers them. Do what you need to do and get on with life!
12/22/2011
philly philly
i'd be a little bothered by it
12/22/2011
allinonekid allinonekid
It wouldn't bother me at all. All tht matters is that I like the person.
12/22/2011
Nazaress Nazaress
I said "Other" because I don't mind what people do with their own bodies but I wouldn't want to date a woman like that because I'm not very attracted to men (and the penises that come with them).
12/22/2011
RonLee RonLee
Peggi, those people who give your friend grief are NOT her friends. Perhaps she should reconsider continued contact with such people.
There are quite a few reasons to postpone GRS not the least of which is the cost. As well, more than one of my MTF friends have said that they'd gotten fewer dates (no not hookers) after surgery. One acquaintance even regrets having had GRS done. I won't recommend or attempt to dissuade anyone from that step. Nor will I say whether my own partner has or has not.
Most important thing to remember is, it's the person not the plumbing that's important. I feel that I'm the luckiest man alive to have found her.
12/22/2011
Chirple Chirple
There is no right or wrong way to express sex or gender.

If the operation isn't right for her now, or ever, that's fine.

The "average" person isn't going to understand, no. The "average" person would be bothered, possibly be angered, and could even become violent.

But why should the "average" person's aesthetic desires, sexual preferences, and bodily hang-ups play into forcing someone to physically alter themselves when they're just not ready or don't want to ?
12/23/2011
GenderSexplorations GenderSexplorations
Wouldn't bother me at all. If a person is happy or at least content with what they have? More power to them!
12/24/2011
G.L. Morrison G.L. Morrison
I'd have answered this differently at different times in my life. At the time I first started dating trans lesbians it turned out not to be an issue. In practice, I was the least bothered by the offending bits. She often needed reassurance like a lover with scars sometimes does. Or anything that seems unsightly to them. It's different with different people. Many prefer to leave the disorienting genitalia out of their sex play. Others toss it all in. But as a straight guy told me after giving his gf a blowjob, "that was different than I expected." "Good different?" "Yeah, good different."
12/26/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Chirple
There is no right or wrong way to express sex or gender.

If the operation isn't right for her now, or ever, that's fine.

The "average" person isn't going to understand, no. The "average" person would be ... More
Yup! Surgery isn't necessarily the right option for everyone. Surgery can end up diminishing the capacity for orgasm, and possibly eliminating that possibility altogether. Surgery for trans women also tends to mean life long "maintenance" through activities like routine dilations. Surgery can mean infection, loss of feeling, and many other risks. Surgery always carries serious risks with it, and for some, the risks are worth it and that's great. For others, the risk are not worth it, and this is also perfectly fine. Others cannot afford this multi-thousand dollar surgery that insurance companies rarely help out with. Still others don't agree with your assertion that trans genitals don't "match" their sex or gender identity. Many of these people are very happy to keep their genitals the way they are. It sounds like your friend - for the time being, at the very least - falls into that category.

Having a penis doesn't mean this person's genitals don't "match" their sex or gender identity. Genitals don't have to be a determinant of those things. A pre- or non- op trans person's genitals are not somehow incongruous with their identity. The individual decides their sex and gender identity, not a set of parts between their legs. If you want to support your friend, I would highly suggest starting by phasing bioessentialist language like this out of your vocab.

Beyond that, your friend's mental, physical and emotional safety are the priority here. She doesn't need to deal with dates and lovers that cannot or will not validate her identity at best, and may be violent toward her at worst. It might be worthwhile for her to look into dating or social networking sites and forums geared toward trans folks. Not fetishy chaser/"ally" sites, but sites where trans people can network. She might find people there can point her in the right direction for dating. She also may find she has better luck (for the moment, at least) dating people that somewhat understand her concerns because they are also trans.
12/26/2011
Indigo Morada Indigo Morada
It doesn't matter at all to me. The person is not their genitals. And being trans myself, I know how it is.

I've dated other transsexual women and it doesn't matter to me at all.
12/28/2011
hornypoet69 hornypoet69
I dated a transgirl, who had not, and did not want to have bottom surgery. But I am a mostly gay man, so I like penises. It sounds bad, but I honestly probably never would have ended up with her, if she was a cisgirl. On the other end of this spectrum, I sometimes wonder, if I could be with a transman. I like to think that I could, because I like guys bodies all around, not just their cocks. And vaginas don't disgust me so much that I'd be unwilling to play with it, if he wanted me to.
12/28/2011
Silverdrop Silverdrop
Geez, what is wrong with these people? IF your friend is in a serious relationship, that partner has earned the right to express an opinion about the matter. But other than that, what business is it of anyone else's? It's her body, her risks, her decision.
12/28/2011
SaMiKaY SaMiKaY
It wouldn't bother me in the least.

I have actually determined if I were ever single again, I'd want to date a trans with penis!


I love penis too much to go completely les, but I LOVE breasts... Trans would be my perfect match! lol
12/28/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
It wouldn't bother me at all. My lover is a cross-dresser, I'm genderqueer. It doesn't seem like that big of a leap. Of coarse, there would be the issue of how comfortable that particular woman was with her penis, and if I was allowed to play with it. (Note here: I love penis. Man or woman, if he/she has a penis, chances are good I want to play with it.) And of coarse, there's pronouns... I have a bad tendency to forget pronouns or call people "it" if I can't figure out their gender. (because I prefer "it" or male pronouns for myself.) and genital names. That's the part that really trips me up, especially when I'm referring to my own. Of coarse, unless my lover comes out as trans (which I doubt, he's comfortable as he is.) I'm unlikely to ever date a transwoman because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be in the market for anyone else in this life or the next.

The people who really matter don't care. My lover just went with it when I told him I'm more man than woman.
12/28/2011
Indigo Morada Indigo Morada
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
I said "Other" because I don't mind what people do with their own bodies but I wouldn't want to date a woman like that because I'm not very attracted to men (and the penises that come with them).
So you see them as men?
12/28/2011
angiogenesis angiogenesis
I named my girl's dick "Janet." How do you think I feel about her genitalia?
12/28/2011
hornypoet69 hornypoet69
Quote:
Originally posted by Indigo Morada
So you see them as men?
Nazaress didn't say that transgirls were men, in fact Nazaress said "I wouldn't want to date a woman like that"

I think you can acknowledge that a transwoman is a real woman, and still not want to date transwomen, because they have a penis. It is not wrong to have a genital preference.
12/28/2011
Indigo Morada Indigo Morada
Quote:
Originally posted by hornypoet69
Nazaress didn't say that transgirls were men, in fact Nazaress said "I wouldn't want to date a woman like that"

I think you can acknowledge that a transwoman is a real woman, and still not want to date transwomen, because ... More
I was asking, not claiming that's what he said.
12/28/2011
Peggi Peggi
Quote:
Originally posted by Indigo Morada
I was asking, not claiming that's what he said.
I think they just meant that because they are not attracted to the genitalia they couldn't be attracted to the person, simply because it's a turnoff. Like how some people don't date skinny chicks (me...ME! Can't do it! Love my thin friends to DEATH, but am NOT turned on!) so they can't be turned on if there is a feature that reminds them of a man. Sorta like...some men won't date a woman with lip hair because it reminds them of a "man thing" but yet it turns some guys on (I even know a guy who LOOKS for this)
12/29/2011
eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I have a friend who is a M2F transgender woman, pre-op, and although she is definitely a woman on the inside, her genitals just don't match the inside! She is actually in no rush to change this, but a lot of people give her grief about it. I ... More
Nope, it wouldn't bother me at all. But I will admit, I am bisexual so that could be more of an issue for heterosexual men or lesbian women
12/29/2011
Di.Laffing Di.Laffing
Bother me? That's where our two daughters came from!
12/31/2011
Indigo Morada Indigo Morada
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I think they just meant that because they are not attracted to the genitalia they couldn't be attracted to the person, simply because it's a turnoff. Like how some people don't date skinny chicks (me...ME! Can't do it! Love my thin ... More
Hey. Apologies for the confusion.
01/01/2012
Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by Indigo Morada
So you see them as men?
Not at all. I do realize I was vague with that and I apologize for it. I was trying to point towards the "penis" part but I didn't do a good job of it. I am not really attracted to men OR penises, if that helps any. I wouldn't be much attracted to a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina because I like vaginas, boobs, etc. I am the least homophobic/transphobic /anything-phobic person I know but that doesn't affect my sexual attraction, as it shouldn't because then you're kind of just forcing yourself and faking it. Some people are straight but are fine with gay people. Some people are gay but are fine with straight people. Some people are pansexual. Whatever! It doesn't matter what you're attracted to. That shouldn't change your opinions of other people. I'm only attracted to women and vaginas (except my boyfriend - he is a VERY rare case) but I love and accept everyone, no matter what they are inside and out.
01/01/2012
Indigo Morada Indigo Morada
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
Not at all. I do realize I was vague with that and I apologize for it. I was trying to point towards the "penis" part but I didn't do a good job of it. I am not really attracted to men OR penises, if that helps any. I wouldn't be ... More
Understood chief. Apologies for the confusion.
01/01/2012
Peggi Peggi


Gotta love Eden!

We can all discuss things like this and everyone loves everyone else and accepts everyone
01/01/2012
Star88 Star88
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I have a friend who is a M2F transgender woman, pre-op, and although she is definitely a woman on the inside, her genitals just don't match the inside! She is actually in no rush to change this, but a lot of people give her grief about it. I ... More
I am a lesbian dating a MTF transwoman and although I was a little hesitant on how things would work out in bed I've found that I've gotten used to her genitalia and it doesn't affect how I see her as a woman. Every once in a while there will be an issue where she feels embarrassed by her body but we work through things as they arise.

I will say there are plenty of people out there who would be hesitant to date a transwoman because they are either not secure in their sexual identity or are else convinced that they are SO SURE of their identity that they would not want to get involved with someone who may call it into question (ie, a lesbian wondering if dating someone with a penis makes her not a "real" lesbian)

Not everyone has the desire to have surgery or even go on hormones and there's plenty of people out there willing to meet someone where they're at. Some people even find the person all the more attractive for it.
01/02/2012
angiogenesis angiogenesis
Quote:
Originally posted by Star88
I am a lesbian dating a MTF transwoman and although I was a little hesitant on how things would work out in bed I've found that I've gotten used to her genitalia and it doesn't affect how I see her as a woman. Every once in a while there ... More
Another lesbian dating a trans woman here. I was worried at the onset... then I got her into bed and realized the genitalia themselves weren't all that big a deal. In fact, I've become kind of endeared to them because they're attached to her and they give her pleasure. Taking out the middleman for penetrative (when I feel like having her inside me, that is, and not the other way around) is pretty cool too. 'Cause I do love me some penetration and if she gets pleasure from it too, HELL YEAH.

I do like the ones who feel the need to question my sexuality because I'm dating her though. My general response is "have you been in the sack with her? WELL FUCK OFF THEN"
01/02/2012
Rhinobaby Rhinobaby
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
I have a friend who is a M2F transgender woman, pre-op, and although she is definitely a woman on the inside, her genitals just don't match the inside! She is actually in no rush to change this, but a lot of people give her grief about it. I ... More
A person does NOT need to undergo surgery in order to be a "real" male or female. We are who we are, regardless of body, presentation, or other people's presumptions of us.
01/02/2012
Total posts: 92
Unique posters: 77