New roommate has issues with trans folk - what do I do?

Sangsara Sangsara
so I myself am simply a boring old bisexual female mind body and soul. when I was looking for roommates I specifically put LGBQT friendly in the ad. It's september 6th and I'm sitting outside with my IPAD and I start sharing an interesting article on female to male gender reassignment surgery. My roommate gets this weird look on his face like hes going to be sick or get mad. so I ask if he's uncomfortable and would like me to change the subject. he then informs me that Trans is just "wrong" and people "need to accept who they are at birth and not focus on simple 'wants' instead of needs and truths" do I even have to begin to explain what threw me about this? he then went on to talk about how he had to accept himself with all of his faults and wished that his family had been more accepting (he didn't tell me what the faults were) of them (more open minded perhaps?) i countered with "well who's to say whether it should be our minds or our bodies that should be changed?" "people spens so much time trying to change their minds, why not their bodies?"
anyway I'm writing this post because I need some advice. this issue is VERY important to me. Most of all because it is a major symbol of how important it is to me to be around openminded accepting people. what do I say next? how do i stop this from becoming an issue, hold my ground and yet remain amicable?
09/07/2012
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GONE! GONE!
Well, I would like to say RUN LIKE HELL because my last transphobic roommate turned out to have issues that ran far, far deeper but I guess if it comes up again I would tell him to leave his inappropriate beliefs out of the LGBT-friendly household. =/
09/07/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Maybe he had no idea what LGBQT meant? (There are people who are clueless like that.)

Anyways, sounds like you should start shopping for a new roommate because this can cause cumulative damage down the line. Best to avoid it as soon as possible.
09/07/2012
Ansley Ansley
Sounds like it's a pretty fundamental part of his ideaology. I'm kind of not down with just removing someone from a living situation because they don't agree with top and bottom surgeries. Maybe he doesn't have an issue with the concept that people may not fit into Slot A & B, and it's just the surgery itself.

It could also have been a trigger for a bit of self-realization on their part and might not be something they're ready to deal with just yet.

I'd maybe talk about it again in a few days. Then ask if they feel uncomfortable living there, especially if you have friends who fit into this description that will be dropping by. No sense making it uncomfortable for everyone, you know?
09/07/2012
tami tami
My advice would be to get a new roommate I am sure that he probably has other issues also.. after all it was a comment not you telling him you were transgender..So if he reacted that way then imagine how he would act towards a friend of yours that is transgender.. I would try to talk to him about it after you both cool down and you have time to think about it and if he reacts the same way then its time to think about maybe a change in roommates.
09/07/2012
funluvinmama funluvinmama
In reading your post, the things you wrote about what he said,

"he then went on to talk about how he had to accept himself with all of his faults and wished that his family had been more accepting (he didn't tell me what the faults were) of them (more open minded perhaps?)"

I could be wrong (my observation) but sounds as though he might be saying that he's not be comfortable being a male and that his family made him feel so bad about wanting to be the other gender, that he now feels he is stuck and has no choice but to stay a man. Now anytime the subject or one similar gets brought up he is forced to face his feelings and it makes him hurt inside. There are some families out there that will dis-own their kids for being anything other than what they were born to be.

I would sit down and gently ask if he wouldn't mind sharing he reasons for thinking this way. Not what he feels as he has already told you that.
09/07/2012
Beck Beck
I wouldn't get a new room mate. I would avoid conversations that involve things like that until he is ready to have that conversation. I have to agree with funluvingmama. It sounds like he had identity issues and someone made him feel bad about it. He might not be ready for that conversation yet. I would hold it off until HE is ready for it. Let him bring it up. You might find that you have a better room mate than you are thinking currently. Because it sounds like he his currently struggling with his own issues and what others have forcefully told him is right and wrong.
09/07/2012
Trysexual Trysexual
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Sounds like it's a pretty fundamental part of his ideaology. I'm kind of not down with just removing someone from a living situation because they don't agree with top and bottom surgeries. Maybe he doesn't have an issue with the ... More
I totally agree. Roommates have to compromise. I would just avoid the topic altogether as well as other hot button topics. We as a country are becoming more and more intolerant of anything that we don't agree with ourselves. Every one is different. Plain and simple.

If you were undergoing a sex change yourself, that might be another story altogether though.

I have had some very open minded roommates and some not so much, so I kept the private/intimate stuff to myself.
09/07/2012
geekkink geekkink
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Sounds like it's a pretty fundamental part of his ideaology. I'm kind of not down with just removing someone from a living situation because they don't agree with top and bottom surgeries. Maybe he doesn't have an issue with the ... More
This is a really good way to approach things I think.
09/07/2012
Happenstance Happenstance
I'm not an authority on your particular situation, obviously... but if it was me, I'd toss his ass out faster than you could blink. My partners and I are trans and the safety issue is too important to take chances.
09/07/2012
Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
I would give it a few more days to feel things out before you decide.

From what you said about his comments, it sounds to me like he's got identity issues of his own and possibly went someplace advertised as "LGBQT Friendly" so he might have a safe space to sort out his own issues.
09/07/2012
Sangsara Sangsara
Wow good advice. Where the conversation started and where it led seemed so far apart at first but you have put things in perspective for me. I also told him from the start about Eden and about my history in the sex trade. Our other roommate is gay and moves in next week. I realize that sexual orientation, gender and the sex trade are three totally separate issues and that the realm of what open minded means to me vs what it might mean to someone more mainstream could be totally different but I want to make sure that NOONE ever feels uncomfortable in my home . I guess that includes BOTH of my new roommates. I'll figure it out and I will take your advice and give him some space but I do have alternate plans if ths doesn't work out.
09/07/2012
sugar&spikes sugar&spikes
Quote:
Originally posted by GONE!
Well, I would like to say RUN LIKE HELL because my last transphobic roommate turned out to have issues that ran far, far deeper but I guess if it comes up again I would tell him to leave his inappropriate beliefs out of the LGBT-friendly household. ... More
i agree !
09/07/2012
bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by Sangsara
so I myself am simply a boring old bisexual female mind body and soul. when I was looking for roommates I specifically put LGBQT friendly in the ad. It's september 6th and I'm sitting outside with my IPAD and I start sharing an interesting ... More
I suggest having a long conversation with him. Find out what kinds of experiences he's had and how that's influenced his views. Some people are ignorant but kind-hearted. Maybe showing him some trans-positive information or sharing your knowledge about the entire trans spectrum can expand his universe. Maybe just ask what's so wrong with being trans.

Maybe after the end of a long conversation about understanding and autonomy over our own bodies, he is being close-minded and mean. In that case, why live with the guy?

People don't have to have every single thing in common in order to live together. It depends on how strongly you feel about trans* issues what your reaction should be - and how respectful he is about his perspective.

If you have trans* friends, though, it'd be mean to them to foster an environment where they may be put in a position to be insulted or demeaned by your house.
12/12/2012
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 13