#AprilFools - Mercedes

jewgasm jewgasm
This may contain some disgusting, weird and potentially offensive content. You have been warned and for those of you that read this, I hope you enjoy it.



No I’m not reviewing the latest car from Mercedes. I am reviewing your friendly neighborhood street worker Mercedes. Now before all the hate on Mercedes and her profession just remember that this is the world’s oldest profession so these women have passed down generations and generations of knowledge that is unsurpassed by any other industry.

Mercedes was first seen packaged in a dirty halter top with a disgustingly short jean skirt and some well worn thigh high boots. The halter top is bedazzled with “hot stuff” on it. Personally, I think Mercedes should be sued for false advertisement but I’m sure someone out there will appreciate Mercedes. Also, I’m not sure if it really could be considered false advertisement because all you have to do is look up and see that face with its sharpie eyebrows, leathery pale skin and meth teeth to know that shirt is a line of BS. While the package and product appearance is not very well designed, it does get the point across as to what to expect from Mercedes.

Mercedes exhibited an odor before even taking her out of her package that was hard to pinpoint all the characteristics of. I would say it was mainly a combination of body odor, menthols, baby powder and cheap perfume from Wal-Mart. Not the most exciting or alluring smell for sure. Mercedes can be washed with soap and warm water or as I prefer, a power washer and some Pine-Sol mixed with Lysol. It’s worth noting that the smell still lingered but had a nice finishing scent of pine trees.

Mercedes is made from flesh so you technically could use any lube that you want depending on which of her orifices you had rendered services for. However, I would highly recommend using only water-based lubes since you will be wearing an entire box of condoms to protect you from the unsafe environment that your penis is about to encounter.

A quick gander at said orifices down below will quickly show that these will not be the tightest things you have ever encountered. I heard at one time Mercedes found out she was pregnant when the kid literally fell out of her vagina. Not sure if that’s just a myth but I could see it happening. Also, Mercedes likes to do meth and meth likes to destroy teeth. This equals jackpot for a blowjob until she tries to smile at you awkwardly at some point. Please don’t smile Mercedes or actually, don’t even look at me during.

A great aspect of Mercedes is that she can “clean” herself. I say “clean” because during the power washing it was evident that she isn’t quite accustomed to cleaning herself up. I believe her words at the end were “Give me some wet naps and I be fine!” That’s just how Mercedes rolls.

You’re a gross woman Mercedes but I applaud your dedication to continuing the legacy of the street worker. However, my recommendation is to stay far away from Mercedes and her disease ridden cavernous vagina.

Pros: Affordable, well experienced
Cons: Loose, Not safe, Could get arrested, smells
Stars: - 8 (that’s negative infinity)

Yes, this is all hypothetical and just whatever my odd mind came up with. I also would like to thank COPS for featuring so many street workers on their show over the years.
04/01/2010
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El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by jewgasm
This may contain some disgusting, weird and potentially offensive content. You have been warned and for those of you that read this, I hope you enjoy it.



No I’m not reviewing the latest car from Mercedes. I am reviewing your friendly ... More
you are my hero, jewgasm. my hero
04/01/2010
jewgasm jewgasm
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
you are my hero, jewgasm. my hero
lol thanks

I'm bummed though. The infinity symbol is an 8 on here.
04/01/2010
00 00
Tee-hee. I definitely do not want her. (shivers at the thought).
04/01/2010
00 00
Tee-hee. I definitely do not want her. (shivers at the thought).
04/01/2010
Luvasaurus Luvasaurus
hhahahaha Mercedes is definately not an 8.
04/01/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
maybe that's the collected number of STD's?
04/01/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
you are my hero, jewgasm. my hero
I do believe I have to second this.


Bravo good sir
04/01/2010
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
I read this out loud to my roommate and we both had a laughing fit over "Mercedes".
04/01/2010
Sammi Sammi
Very funny! Not my kind of "Mercedes" for sure
04/01/2010
jewgasm jewgasm
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
maybe that's the collected number of STD's?
I think 8 would not cover even half of them. She's been doing this for 30 years!
04/01/2010
jewgasm jewgasm
I'm glad y'all enjoyed my odd sense of humor today.
04/01/2010
MuffysPinguLove MuffysPinguLove
hahaha her disease ridden cavernous vagina sounds very appealing!
04/01/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Is it for everyone, can women use it?
04/01/2010
jewgasm jewgasm
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Is it for everyone, can women use it?
Mercedes doesn't discriminate. If you've got the cash, she's got the body part and/or hole that you need.
04/01/2010
Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by jewgasm
Mercedes doesn't discriminate. If you've got the cash, she's got the body part and/or hole that you need.
Do you think that she would actually dress up as a garden gnome for me?

It's hot stuff. Tiny Gnome
04/02/2010
jewgasm jewgasm
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
Do you think that she would actually dress up as a garden gnome for me?

It's hot stuff.
Absolutely. She has no shame in her game.
04/05/2010
Jenni Shelton Jenni Shelton
lol! i love these!
09/21/2011
LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
lol i used to know a ho bag named mercedes.
10/07/2011
socceras socceras
this is halarious
10/27/2011
FemmeFlo FemmeFlo
Quote:
Originally posted by jewgasm
This may contain some disgusting, weird and potentially offensive content. You have been warned and for those of you that read this, I hope you enjoy it.



No I’m not reviewing the latest car from Mercedes. I am reviewing your friendly ... More
I find this mildly offensive to sex workers and their profession, which should be legitimized so that sex workers are less unsafe. But that didn't stop me from laughing.
11/15/2011
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 13