No I’m not reviewing the latest car from Mercedes. I am reviewing your friendly neighborhood street worker Mercedes. Now before all the hate on Mercedes and her profession just remember that this is the world’s oldest profession so these women have passed down generations and generations of knowledge that is unsurpassed by any other industry.
Mercedes was first seen packaged in a dirty halter top with a disgustingly short jean skirt and some well worn thigh high boots. The halter top is bedazzled with “hot stuff” on it. Personally, I think Mercedes should be sued for false advertisement but I’m sure someone out there will appreciate Mercedes. Also, I’m not sure if it really could be considered false advertisement because all you have to do is look up and see that face with its sharpie eyebrows, leathery pale skin and meth teeth to know that shirt is a line of BS. While the package and product appearance is not very well designed, it does get the point across as to what to expect from Mercedes.
Mercedes exhibited an odor before even taking her out of her package that was hard to pinpoint all the characteristics of. I would say it was mainly a combination of body odor, menthols, baby powder and cheap perfume from Wal-Mart. Not the most exciting or alluring smell for sure. Mercedes can be washed with soap and warm water or as I prefer, a power washer and some Pine-Sol mixed with Lysol. It’s worth noting that the smell still lingered but had a nice finishing scent of pine trees.
Mercedes is made from flesh so you technically could use any lube that you want depending on which of her orifices you had rendered services for. However, I would highly recommend using only water-based lubes since you will be wearing an entire box of condoms to protect you from the unsafe environment that your penis is about to encounter.
A quick gander at said orifices down below will quickly show that these will not be the tightest things you have ever encountered. I heard at one time Mercedes found out she was pregnant when the kid literally fell out of her vagina. Not sure if that’s just a myth but I could see it happening. Also, Mercedes likes to do meth and meth likes to destroy teeth. This equals jackpot for a blowjob until she tries to smile at you awkwardly at some point. Please don’t smile Mercedes or actually, don’t even look at me during.
A great aspect of Mercedes is that she can “clean” herself. I say “clean” because during the power washing it was evident that she isn’t quite accustomed to cleaning herself up. I believe her words at the end were “Give me some wet naps and I be fine!” That’s just how Mercedes rolls.
You’re a gross woman Mercedes but I applaud your dedication to continuing the legacy of the street worker. However, my recommendation is to stay far away from Mercedes and her disease ridden cavernous vagina.
Pros: Affordable, well experienced
Cons: Loose, Not safe, Could get arrested, smells
Stars: - 8 (that’s negative infinity)
Yes, this is all hypothetical and just whatever my odd mind came up with. I also would like to thank COPS for featuring so many street workers on their show over the years.