Hosting Thanksgiving at my place ~ Selective guests

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Hosting Thanksgiving at my place ~ Selective guests

XxXxX XxXxX
My family is all gathering at my home this year which is not much different from previous years. But this year I have an issue. My brothers girlfriend is a total whore and I hate her. I have always just let her come to be civil. But this year she did something I HATED. She opted to take out her birth control, knowing that neither her nor my brother could neither afford another child nor should be having one after only a few rocky months in a relationship. Then she cheated on him, and took off for a few months and came back pregnant with someone elses child, then got an abortion because she "didnt like the guy and didnt want his kid". And now wants to get pregnant again with my brother. Would I be out of place telling her to stay away? I have already told her what I think of her.. But she still things she is welcome as a +1. What would you do?
10/30/2012
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Mwar Mwar
Sadly, that's who your brother is with. So if you invite him, you should expect her too. While she sounds like she is far from a lovely lady, it's never good to "split" invitations. Significant others are the price we pay when it comes to inviting family and friends.

Good luck though. That would be a thorn in my ass too.
10/30/2012
DomonCoshu DomonCoshu
To me she is just a girlfriend, not a significant other. It is also your house and you set the rules, if I didn't like her and your dislike has a reason. Your not telling her she cannot come, because you don't like the way she does her hair or something miniscule. To me that is a serious issue that I would have a problem with myself. Though like I said you make the decisions and the rules in your house, so you have to stand up if it is something you feel will really bother you.
10/31/2012
funluvinmama funluvinmama
I am just as lost as you are. My hubby dislikes my brother and doesn't want him at our house for thanksgiving.

Does she have family near that she could go see?
You could politely mention to your brother your feelings about her and then see if maybe he could talk to her about finding other arrangements for thanksgiving.
10/31/2012
js250 js250
Good luck!! One one hand one day of ignoring someone out of the rest of your life is not as horrid as it could be. I had to do that for years and finally have a break from it--the child is over 18!!! What she did is sick and disgusting--but it is who your brother is with through his own choice. Just cross your fingers for his future.....
11/01/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by XxXxX
My family is all gathering at my home this year which is not much different from previous years. But this year I have an issue. My brothers girlfriend is a total whore and I hate her. I have always just let her come to be civil. But this year she did ...
Wow! What a tough one! I'M SO confused though. You say she quit her birth control knowing it wasn't best since they could not afford another child, but she got pregnant, left your bro and came back pregnant AGAIN?! What happened to the pregnancy with your bro? Just cofused.

Anyways, does she know how you feel?

First I want to try this: do you know why she went off the pills? Perhaps she does have her reason. I can't say I'd be really enthused if my partner's sister made my body her business. Just to be really honest. Maybe some of these things are something to think about, and perhaps will help you to think in a different light and maybe you all can just have a pleasant holiday.

I understand your bitterness towards her for hurting/cheating on your bro! I am the same way with my sisters, and in fact, with my BIL (bro in law!) LOL. Yes, we are a big strange fam.

But you really don't want to make your own bro uncomfy coming over, right? So I would try and keep the peace. You don't have to pretend or even give her much attention, but being nasty to the one your sibling loves would only draw them away from you, and that's the last thing you want.

The way I see it, if there's cheating and marital/relationship problems going on between my siblings and their partner's and they choose to stay together, it is none of my business and I only want to be there for them. I can ignore my BILS and keep the peace without trashing them to my sisters, but still give them a shoulder and someone to talk to. I would say try and go that route.

Abortion is not something we would all choose to do, but here is what I go by: I cannot ever, ever know what another female is going through and I will never judge her for what she chooses for her own body. I mean, if you really try to dig deep, look in that dark corner in your heart, you may just find something other than hatred, anger or bitterness. Maybe you would find sympathy? I mean, like I said, digging deep, you may realize that despite her choosing to abort, she's probably a sad grieving mess inside. I know some say those who abort have no right to greive, but many of them are far more complicated situations than we can ever understand, and I've learned that women just need other women to not look down on them, but to say "I don't judge you, you can talk to me." Not that you should be that kind to someone who's a habitual cheater, but maybe try and feel sympathy for her and see that she may actually be hurting, understand that you cannot understand her reasoning and what she is going through. That really may help you calm your anger?

If all else fails, try asking what you'd do if you roles were switched. If your partner had been invited to his familie's dinner and they told you to stay away, would you be sad? If so, maybe just let her come along but try avoiding deep conversation. Leave him to take care of her. However, if you tell her she's unwelcome, your bro may get the same impression.
11/01/2012
XxXxX XxXxX
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
Wow! What a tough one! I'M SO confused though. You say she quit her birth control knowing it wasn't best since they could not afford another child, but she got pregnant, left your bro and came back pregnant AGAIN?! What happened to the ...
My brother isn't the crunchiest cookie in the box. He has a few emotional issues including co-dependancy and depression. He only feels like he matter when he is with someone else. And also, he is not mentally retarded. But he has the mentality of a teenager, so he doesn't always make the best decisions.

They decided they they 'loved' each other very much after a short time and wanted to have a baby, even though they can barely afford the ones they each have now. Her daughter is 2 and his son is 8. I raised his son for the first few years until he went through parenting classes amoungst other things. Now he lives next door to my mother who gives him the help he needs. He is also on social security and has a payee because he does not understand the value of money and will spend it all on video games or something and then have nothing all month.

She had her birth control stopped and they say " we aren't going to force it to happen, but not stop it either". It made everyone NUTS! Just after that, she took off with some guy, literally DAYS later, so she didn't get pregnant with my brother. But 3 months later she came back to him and she was pregnant. She opted to abort the pregnancy even though my brother said he would be there for the baby, because she wanted one with him and not this other guy.

Regardless of my beliefs on abortion as a whole. I dont think it is right to abort one child and then try for another. Its ignorant. Now that it is done, she still wants one with my brother.

She does have family in the area, and I told him I didn't want her there. But she has this NEED to be involved in everything he is. And basically says if she can't go, than he shouldn't want to. But in turn, he is not invited to her family events. ( Her family would rather not have her there but she is family). My brother is someone that needs to fight his own battles, but still needs protecting. As I said, he has never been able to make smart decisions and mostly leads with his heart, or what he is told to do.

I refuse to tell my brother what to do, but I do give him my thoughts on things. My major issue is, she will sit there and tell everyone about her abortion and running off on my brother as if it is a family joke. When it is not. My brother knows I dont want her here but is affraid to tell her. I told her my thoughts about a month ago, but she will still hop on the phone when I am talking to my brother, as if nothing ever happened and demand my attention. I'm at a loss.
11/01/2012
Mwar Mwar
Quote:
Originally posted by XxXxX
My brother isn't the crunchiest cookie in the box. He has a few emotional issues including co-dependancy and depression. He only feels like he matter when he is with someone else. And also, he is not mentally retarded. But he has the mentality of ...
That really does suck. I know you know that, but wow. That sucks.

You're a better person than me. I'm having images of scaring your brother's girlfriend away with some pranks and laxatives.

I mean... you could spike a yam and make sure she eats that one.

But I digress... good luck and please tell us how it goes.
11/01/2012
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 6