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My family is all gathering at my home this year which is not much different from previous years. But this year I have an issue. My brothers girlfriend is a total whore and I hate her. I have always just let her come to be civil. But this year she did
My family is all gathering at my home this year which is not much different from previous years. But this year I have an issue. My brothers girlfriend is a total whore and I hate her. I have always just let her come to be civil. But this year she did something I HATED. She opted to take out her birth control, knowing that neither her nor my brother could neither afford another child nor should be having one after only a few rocky months in a relationship. Then she cheated on him, and took off for a few months and came back pregnant with someone elses child, then got an abortion because she "didnt like the guy and didnt want his kid". And now wants to get pregnant again with my brother. Would I be out of place telling her to stay away? I have already told her what I think of her.. But she still things she is welcome as a +1. What would you do?
Wow! What a tough one! I'M SO confused though. You say she quit her birth control knowing it wasn't best since they could not afford another child, but she got pregnant, left your bro and came back pregnant AGAIN?! What happened to the pregnancy with your bro? Just cofused.
Anyways, does she know how you feel?
First I want to try this: do you know why she went off the pills? Perhaps she does have her reason. I can't say I'd be really enthused if my partner's sister made my body her business. Just to be really honest. Maybe some of these things are something to think about, and perhaps will help you to think in a different light and maybe you all can just have a pleasant holiday.
I understand your bitterness towards her for hurting/cheating on your bro! I am the same way with my sisters, and in fact, with my BIL (bro in law!) LOL. Yes, we are a big strange fam.
But you really don't want to make your own bro uncomfy coming over, right? So I would try and keep the peace. You don't have to pretend or even give her much attention, but being nasty to the one your sibling loves would only draw them away from you, and that's the last thing you want.
The way I see it, if there's cheating and marital/relationship problems going on between my siblings and their partner's and they choose to stay together, it is none of my business and I only want to be there for them. I can ignore my BILS and keep the peace without trashing them to my sisters, but still give them a shoulder and someone to talk to. I would say try and go that route.
Abortion is not something we would all choose to do, but here is what I go by: I cannot ever, ever know what another female is going through and I will never judge her for what she chooses for her own body. I mean, if you really try to dig deep, look in that dark corner in your heart, you may just find something other than hatred, anger or bitterness. Maybe you would find sympathy? I mean, like I said, digging deep, you may realize that despite her choosing to abort, she's probably a sad grieving mess inside. I know some say those who abort have no right to greive, but many of them are far more complicated situations than we can ever understand, and I've learned that women just need other women to not look down on them, but to say "I don't judge you, you can talk to me." Not that you should be that kind to someone who's a habitual cheater, but maybe try and feel sympathy for her and see that she may actually be hurting, understand that you cannot understand her reasoning and what she is going through. That really may help you calm your anger?
If all else fails, try asking what you'd do if you roles were switched. If your partner had been invited to his familie's dinner and they told you to stay away, would you be sad? If so, maybe just let her come along but try avoiding deep conversation. Leave him to take care of her. However, if you tell her she's unwelcome, your bro may get the same impression.