I have read all three of them a couple of times. You have to approach them as FLUFF reads. These are not guides to BDSM and people should not try to mimic the relationship of these characters. People who are interested in BDSM need to do their own research into the true nature of BDSM. I enjoyed them just as fluffy books to read for entertainment.
That being said, James has come out and said that no, not everyone into BDSM has been abused, just her character. Also, these books have done something amazing to our country. People are actually talking about sex more openly. The doors of communication have been opened. I don't care how inelegant the writing may be, but that is a big deal. I look at these books the same way I look at the Harry Potter series, PEOPLE ARE READING BOOKS! I am sick of hearing people say, "I don't read." These books have introduced erotica to the mainstream and I think that is great.