Can I just have a big hug, please?

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Can I just have a big hug, please?

SMichelle SMichelle
I am such a wreck at the moment. As I write this, I am crying so hard that I literally cannot see the screen, and I can't get myself to stop. I've been like this for hours now.

Some of you may know that I was dating a guy from Scotland...was, am... I don't even know. I recently came to visit him. I arrived on the 21st, and I leave tomorrow morning. I have seen him only twice since I've been here, and only for hours at a time.

He says his mom is seriously depressed, and was recently diagnosed with having brain damage from a serious illness (as in, nearly died) that she experienced a few months back. He says she tried to kill herself last weekend. So... he's been unavailable.

He keeps telling me how much he adores me and wants me, but... he can't find the time to come and say goodbye to me.


I just needed to vent, and get everything out there.

I feel like...well, I feel like throwing myself off a bridge right now. Don't worry, I won't. I just can't stop myself from crying.
07/03/2012
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Gracie Gracie
I'm so sorry! I know you must be so dissapointed!!!
07/03/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I'm so sorry your visit didn't pan out. I hope you feel better. I also hope his mother will be OK. It sounds horrible what she is going through. He must be worried sick about her condition.

There will be other times. Take care of yourself.

07/03/2012
Envy Envy
Honestly I find that to be... a little fishy. If it's true I take that back, though, as things can and do happen. (I am having a similar issue that's preventing me from dating when it comes to my own family falling apart.)

07/03/2012
puppylove puppylove
I am so sorry girl, I have done the whole long distance thing and I know how difficult it can be but I can't imagine how hard it would be to not even be able to see that person when you traveled to see them. So sorry
07/03/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
God, I'm so sorry the timing sucked. *big tight hugs*
07/03/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Honestly I find that to be... a little fishy. If it's true I take that back, though, as things can and do happen. (I am having a similar issue that's preventing me from dating when it comes to my own family falling apart.)

I'm not sure what I think of everything...

Right after I posted this, I got an e-mail from him stating that he's received no calls from me all day, and that he's been having trouble calling me. I ran across the street to the payphone and called him from there, where we talked for a little while.

I ended up taking a cab to go and see him for 30 minutes. He says he only had 30 minutes because his step dad was on the way to pick him up and they were going to the hospital. So... we went to his apartment. I didn't do a lot of looking around; I just laid on the couch with him, as all I really wanted to do was be close to him for a bit.

I did see a wall in the kitchen though, which had pictures drawn all over it. One of the pictures drawn had my boyfriends name, a womans name, and the name of his cat, with little pictures like a family drawn under it. There was scribbling over that, however. When I asked my boyfriend about this, he simply said: "it's an ex girlfriend that used to live here...she's been gone a long time now."
07/03/2012
Ansley Ansley






And Nora, the kitty cat


I am so sorry this trip hasn't turned out to be what you wanted it to be. Try not to let it be a complete waste and understand both sides of the situation. Maybe you'll both be able to talk about it when you come home and there's a little distance between now and the talk.
07/03/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
I'm not sure what I think of everything...

Right after I posted this, I got an e-mail from him stating that he's received no calls from me all day, and that he's been having trouble calling me. I ran across the street to the ...
""There was scribbling over that, however. When I asked my boyfriend about this, he simply said: "it's an ex girlfriend that used to live here...she's been gone a long time now.""

That's odd...
07/03/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
""There was scribbling over that, however. When I asked my boyfriend about this, he simply said: "it's an ex girlfriend that used to live here...she's been gone a long time now.""

That's odd...
I thought so.

The entire wall was covered in drawings. Lots of little "Hi" messages, with signatures from his friends... lots of random quotes, and drawings... I guess it's not that strange that someone (it wasn't his handwriting) would've written his, his hopefully ex girlfriend, and cats name on the wall...

but I don't know what to think of it.
07/03/2012
Beck Beck



Aww! I'm sorry your trip hasn't been the best for you!
07/03/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
I thought so.

The entire wall was covered in drawings. Lots of little "Hi" messages, with signatures from his friends... lots of random quotes, and drawings... I guess it's not that strange that someone (it wasn't his ...
How old is he?
07/03/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
How old is he?
He's 32.
07/03/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
He's 32.
*throws a flag*

Teenagers and 20-somethings let people draw on their walls. There's more to this story. In my humble opinion.
07/03/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
*throws a flag*

Teenagers and 20-somethings let people draw on their walls. There's more to this story. In my humble opinion.
I think there is, too, but I can't seem to figure out what it is... Other than that maybe he's a bit immature (but that I already knew).
07/03/2012
js250 js250


I hope things can get better for you and this is just bad timing!!!
07/03/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine


I'm so sorry your trip has turned out this way. I don't know if he's distracted by the situation with his mother, immature, or just a louse, but if he can't make time for you, then at least treat yourself to some exploration and fun. Scotland is beautiful — and one of the few places on earth men wear skirts with no underwear Try to take some time for yourself — that doesn't involve thinking of him — to clear your head.

Feel better!
07/03/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine


I'm so sorry your trip has turned out this way. I don't know if he's distracted by the situation with his mother, immature, or just a louse, but if he can't make time for you, then at least treat yourself to some exploration ...
I did go to Edinburgh, Stirling, and Loch Lomond, so I had a little bit of fun. I went to the zoo and saw cute animals!

And now he and I are talking on messenger... it's nearly 1am and I need to wake up at 7am for my flight, but I think I'll take being exhausted for my flight. Better to be exhausted on the flight than in tears, right?


He's being quite romantic now... telling me how he regrets how this trip went, how he can't stop thinking about me and how he blames himself for everything and understands if I tell him to leave me alone for good. ..but that he will be absolutely "gutted" if I do. I told him I'm willing to try this one more time... I'll come visit in a few months, or he'll come to me.. whoever can afford it at the time... and if it goes the same way, then we need to say goodbye.
07/03/2012
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
*throws a flag*

Teenagers and 20-somethings let people draw on their walls. There's more to this story. In my humble opinion.
I kinda have to agree with that. To me it just sounds all sorts of odd....



Regardless of what happens, do take care of yourself first. I've done LDRs before. They never worked out, sadly. Doesn't mean it's always the case, though.
07/03/2012
Vanille Vanille
07/03/2012
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
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Hugs sweetie I am sorry this didn't turn out how you had expected it too! I pray that he isn't lying or cheating. Just keep your head up
07/03/2012
gloomybear gloomybear
im sorry hunny
07/03/2012
Michele Michele
I'm so sorry. I'm sending you huge hugs right now.
07/03/2012
HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
I am such a wreck at the moment. As I write this, I am crying so hard that I literally cannot see the screen, and I can't get myself to stop. I've been like this for hours now.

Some of you may know that I was dating a guy from ...
Oh Sweety I'm so so very sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could give you a hug for real it sounds like you need it. I will prey for you and I hope he comes around. All my love and hugs.
OOOOOO( h)OOOOO OOOOOO( h)OOO
07/03/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
I am such a wreck at the moment. As I write this, I am crying so hard that I literally cannot see the screen, and I can't get myself to stop. I've been like this for hours now.

Some of you may know that I was dating a guy from ...
Are you sure he isn't married? Gawd, I hope he's just wrapped up in a nasty little problem with a parent's illness but why wouldn't meeting the woman he is crazy about make his mother feel better? I am so sorry you had such a miserable trip to such a lovely Country. You do deserve a hug I do hope things will get better for you.
07/03/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Are you sure he isn't married? Gawd, I hope he's just wrapped up in a nasty little problem with a parent's illness but why wouldn't meeting the woman he is crazy about make his mother feel better? I am so sorry you had such a ...
There's no way I can know for sure if he's married or not...

I've seen his apartment, and except for the one wall, it does look like a bachelor pad, but... who knows.
07/04/2012
hot lil momma hot lil momma
big hugs
07/04/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
I did go to Edinburgh, Stirling, and Loch Lomond, so I had a little bit of fun. I went to the zoo and saw cute animals!

And now he and I are talking on messenger... it's nearly 1am and I need to wake up at 7am for my flight, but I think ...
I'm so glad you had a chance to explore.

Exhausted is the perfect state for airline travel IMHO. I'd rather be passed out than aware that there's a line for the bathroom, the kid in the next seat is bawling, and the air conditioning is inadequate.

The situation with his mother is unfortunate enough that if in your shoes I might forgive him, but I would also be a little guarded. If your getting together was really the victim of bad timing and uncontrollable circumstances, then it's worth trying again, though I would suggest two things:

1. You go to Scotland so you can see how he behaves when in his "natural" environment (around family, friends) with you.

2. You split the cost of the trip (he pays the airline ticket, you pay hotel). If he loves you, this shouldn't be a problem. It will allow you to be with him, and I'd say he owes it to you after this trip.

07/04/2012
SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I'm so glad you had a chance to explore.

Exhausted is the perfect state for airline travel IMHO. I'd rather be passed out than aware that there's a line for the bathroom, the kid in the next seat is bawling, and the air ...
At the airport now, waiting for my final flight home.

He keeps saying that he owes me by being the one to travel to me next time, and that he's going to do so by the New Year. I hope he does, but I also know that money is very tight for him right now, and that if the situation with his mum is true, his mum is such a wreck that he won't be able to leave her for long. Usually I'm the one to do the travelling because my job allows me time off (unpaid, unfortunately) whenever I like, and my current living situation allows me to be able to afford the trips. But... he certainly does owe me something.


I'm just glad that he realizes that he owes me. He kept telling me the other day that he owes me big time, and that he doesn't know how he'll ever make it up to me..though he swears he'll figure out a way.
07/04/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by SMichelle
At the airport now, waiting for my final flight home.

He keeps saying that he owes me by being the one to travel to me next time, and that he's going to do so by the New Year. I hope he does, but I also know that money is very tight for ...
I want to cut him slack because of the situation with his mother, but talk is cheap. If in your shoes, I'd want to see him make some sort of tangible investment in the relationship. If you're in a better position financially, you can always gift him cash when you arrive, or do something that would help him out, like buy groceries or clothing for him.

Also, I would want to meet his family. Based on the experience of my friends, it's a warning sign when a guy only wants to go "out" or go to your place.
07/04/2012
Total posts: 30
Unique posters: 17