Originally posted by
I guess marriage is different from a long term relationship, we live together he lives with me. And I can dream all I want of what I want but he isn't making the cut or even trying to be the one. There wasn't anything you missed ?
My ex as my writing partner - I missed him more as that than as my husband. It took me ten years to finally admit to myself that the marriage was wrong, that we were not supposed to be together, that he was emotionally abusive.
What kept me was fear of being alone and losing my writing partner - and I took my vows seriously. It went from "this is the best I can do" to "I'm doing what I can to make this work, why won't he?" to "I have to live with my mistake". I almost jumped off a bridge because the relationship and our living situation were killing my soul.
It took me over a year to find my writer's voice again. I got my college degree. I dated more mature men. I'm engaged to be married to a responsible, respectful, emotionally-healthy man whom I want to have a child with.
I still don't regret cutting the millstone of my ex-husband from my neck. I almost killed myself over him. That angers me that such a loser made me want to end my life.
You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. All you have to do is know that you'll both be okay once you decide it's Over. It may be bumpy and a bit scary, but it's worth it to find your own voice again ... and then make your own life better on your terms.