I am losing my father to lymphoma, any coping advice? I am seriously losing it!

js250 js250
js250
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My father collapsed last week, was admitted into the hospital where he was diagnosed with lymphoma, advanced of course. I am losing my sanity and do not know how to cope! Please, any advice or words of wisdom? Sorry to be a downer, but I am desperate for some help.
09/01/2011
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Purpleladybug Purpleladybug
I am so very sorry to hear about what you are going through! My step dad also has a lymphoma. His is a very rare case and cannot totally be cured. He just went through a bone marrow transplant that they say will add years to his life. It has been very rough on him and he is still very sick. I don't think there is anything that anyone can say or do to make you feel better. But I can suggest that you turn to whatever it is that you believe in and just ask for some patience and peace. Just be there for your dad and just let him know how much you love him as much as you can and be there for him as much as you can, for I think this is what truly matters.
09/01/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
I am so sorry to hear about your father, I can't imagine how difficult this must be. Purpleladybug has said pretty much exactly what I would have. Spend as much time with your dad as you can and be there for him as much as you can.
09/02/2011
Ansley Ansley
My heart goes out to you and your family. It's an immeasurably difficult thing to go through. Say the things you've always wanted to say and try to do something very memorable so that when the time comes you will have something nice to think about. *very big hugs*
09/02/2011
js250 js250
Thank you! He has always been the one person I could count on when I was backed so far into a corner I could never have gotten out of on my own. He always took my side, even when I was wrong. We weren't what you would call close, but we knew that when shit hit the fan, the other person would be there. Make sense? I just need someone to know how I feel and help me to cope. I guess we were a lot closer than I realized, funny how you realize it when the safety net of their presence is disappearing.
09/02/2011
tooshy tooshy
Sorry you have to go through this.

I lost my dad almost 8 years ago to a sudden heart attack. He'd had one 5 years before that and had stents placed.

I understand pain and shock. Do you have anyone close where you are at that you can lean on, go for coffee, or just sit with?

I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, but having people near helped.
09/02/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'm sorry to read that!

My thoughts are with you and yours.
09/02/2011
EJ EJ
I'm sorry to hear about your dad too. My mom also has cancer. Since she was diagnosed, we have made a conscious effort to spend as much time together as possible and just TALK. We look at old pictures together and she tells me stories from her childhood, and I have a journal to record some of them in. I also used a digital voice recorder (with her knowledge and permission) so that I'll be able to hear the sound of her voice after she's gone. But just the TIME together seems to be the most important thing (aside from all the recording), even if we're not talking or doing anything. Sometimes just seeing her napping on the sofa while I clean house is comforting.

There will be plenty of time for grieving later, so right now I try to focus on and CONSCIOUSLY APPRECIATE the time we DO have together. I'm hoarding away all the good memories that I can, even if they're bitter-sweet.

I've also found that visiting and participating in sktb0007's forum post entitled "What are you thankful for today?" helps me to get back into a good place when I'm feeling sad. There's always SOMETHING I can find to be thankful for, even on the hard days, and that seems to help.
09/11/2011
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
I'm so sorry you are going through this with your father. I just want to give you a great big virtual (((hug))).

Others have offered great advice, but I especially wanted to emphasize EJ's: focus on just spending time with your dad and listening to him talk about his life. Talk to him about his fondest memories of childhood and adolescence, and let him share funny stories. Go through photo albums together; this will spark recollections. If you have loose photos of him and your family, consider placing them in a photo album to surprise him with, and then spend time looking through it with him.

I love the idea of recording his voice and your conversations together (with his knowledge and permission, of course). You might want to consider videotaping some discussions, too. The memories he shares with you will become warm words of comfort for you for the rest of your life. What he shares with you will not go to the grave with him, but instead, part of his essence in the form of his life memories will be passed along to you to hold dear. This experience will also provide your father a warm validation of his life: someone loves and cares for him enough to just sit and reminisce with him about his life.

Don't forget about the present though: focus on the things that bring him pleasure, if even fleetingly. If he has an appetite at all right now (which he may not), surprise him with a treat you know he likes, for example. Play an album by a band that you know he liked when he was in high school; don't mention that you got the album ahead of time, but just play it in the background when you are visiting with him. Take the time to just sit and watch the sunset or sunrise together. It's the little things in life that make each day worth living, particularly when the person knows s/he is definitely living out his/her final days. Those little things suddenly become the most important things--and loving someone who is terminally ill also helps you refocus on what is most important.

We are all here for just a short while in the grand scheme of things, but that just makes each moment we live so very precious. Let this experience help you to value each of your own moments even more and to treasure everyone around you just a bit more. Learn to be more gentle and forgiving of your own shortcomings and the shortcomings of others.

And just realize that it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed by grief. Never hesitate to reach out to others when you need to vent your feelings, whatever they may be. Just know that you have the internal strength to get through this, no matter how difficult and painful it may be.
09/11/2011
shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My father collapsed last week, was admitted into the hospital where he was diagnosed with lymphoma, advanced of course. I am losing my sanity and do not know how to cope! Please, any advice or words of wisdom? Sorry to be a downer, but I am desperate ... More
Hi
I am so sorry to hear..I lost my boyfriend(sons father) a year and a half ago to burkitts lymphoma which is a super rare kind(only 100cases each year in the states). It was terrible..our baby was 4months when he died and it was only 11 weeks from when he had the symptoms til he died.It makes it very hard to watch someone you love die in front of you or suffer...I know.I was the one to call the shots on the last day and I literally watched him die in front of me.I didnt know how to deal with all this ..I ended started smoking cigarettes again.(bad i know).I think the most you can do is spend the time you have with him to the fullest...towards the end I felt selfish to want to keep him alive as he was suffering so much.So just take it day by day and you NEED to mentally prepare yourself for if and when he does pass(it helps some).and if it does happen try to remember that you dont want him to suffer any longer and atleast you got to spend the last bit of time with him.u no? I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anyone to talk to message me
09/14/2011
EJ EJ
How are you doing? Haven't seen you on here in a while.
09/21/2011
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Unique posters: 9