Random thoughts on Orgasms...

I used to when i was younger (didn't help that medication made it impossible to orgasm for over a year. D: yuck) but now i never do and my partner has agreed to never fake either. I understand that it can be easier than just saying--hey you know what? i'm good so you can stop. but we feel like it doesn't really help in the long run. I mean, if you fake it while they're doing something you're not a fan of, they might conclude you are a fan of that and keep it up. We much prefer to just have a nice cuddly talk about it and call it a night or try a different route.

but machina said that this argument has not been taking easily by men she has met, so i suppose i should clarify and we are a lesbian couple and so maybe have an easier time coming to an understanding this sort of thing. less

I know I sure do! I know I'm doing the female gender an injustice when I fake it, but sometimes it's just not worth the outcome of not faking it.

I've had the "sometimes, although rarely, I don't need an orgasm to feel satisfied after sex" conversation with boyfriends, and it's the truth. However, the outcome is always horrible.

The asshole losers take it as "I don't have to worry about giving her an orgasm anymore because she's satisfied without them."

The pussies take it as "You're lying! I'm such a failure!"

The dicks with ego issues take it as "Yes! A challenge! I WILL make her cum!" ---ugh...no thanks, I'm good.

I think a lot of male's sexual satisfaction is dependent upon pleasing their partner. It's a rarity for a girl to find a man who truly understands female sexuality and satisfaction. These are the only kinds of men who could actually tell the difference between a real and fake orgasm anyway. Too bad you would never have to fake with them anyway because they are comfortable enough with themselves, and know you well enough to know that you don't always need to get off. less

All the time before I was married!

I had really self-involved partners and I had a terrible time having an orgasm (I'd try for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes even hours). I had to fake it for an ego boost- One partner actually got mad at me if I couldn't, like I didn't cum on purpose to make him feel less virile. I had another partner that didn't even care if I got off, he was only focused on getting his nut- squirrelly guy but his dick was HUGE, obviously I didn't stay with him because he was Prince Charming.

When I met my husband, the first 6 months of our relationship I faked it. He couldn't tell the difference- especially when I would squeeze my PC muscles to simulate an actual orgasm. I'd be overly vocal and just put on a show. THEN we got married and it all changed. I said- you know what? You never really focus on me and he said he felt like he didn't need to because I always got off. The lines of communication were opened and he made me promise never to fake it again.

Now if I know I'm not going to be able to (which is a rarity) I say, "I want you to cum for me" and I'll buck against him whenever he stops thrusting to keep himself from cumming. He sometimes asks why I don't want to cum but he'll see the look of frustration on my face and realize it's better to get it over with than try to hold out until I can. Then he'll have me lay back and he'll get me off with his hands and mouth. I LOVE having an orgasm when he's inside of me but some times it's just not going to happen.

The sex is better with my husband, I mean sure, it's less of a production, but he knows me and can read my facial expressions. HE ALWAYS knows when I'm going to cum, if I tried to fake it at this point he'd be able to spot the black sheep in a sea of white ones. What he and I share isn't just a sexual relationship anymore so faking isn't required- we share an emotional, spiritual connection and I'm not going to destroy or cheapen that with screams of "Ohhh, yea! I'm cumming", when in fact I'm actually not. less

Great post, and I generally agree with everything you said (although my fakes were extremely rare do-or-die moments, and I don't think I could handle faking it for a long period of time). I can actually count the number of times that I've faked it on one hand out of thousands of orgasms...I'm much more likely to just say, "This isn't working for me."

I'm sorry your previous partners were such shit. =( less

When I was younger I had poor communication skills, I wish I would have been able to say that it wasn't working. I constantly felt like I walked on egg shells, like I was grateful they were having sex with me in the first place, so to say something that implied it wasn't enough to satisfy me would be sexual suicide.

I had shitty partners but if I could pick them all over again I'd go with the same guys (I have bad taste, what can I say? lol). No, but seriously- those really bad sexual relationships make what I have with my husband now feel like something truly special, they've made me appreciate my current sex life and I need that, I need to appreciate the sex with the person I promised forever to.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince. less

My boyfriend and I, though fluid bonded, are not psychically bonded. His orgasms are always very obvious (shakes, shudders, growling, ejaculation, etc.). On the other hand, he can't easily tell when I orgasm. On more than one occasion, he's held back for way too long because he makes it his express goal to make me cum at least once before he finishes--but doesn't realize that I've already had MULTIPLE little earthquakes. We've had a few conversations about this, and from now on, I try my best to make my orgasms as violently obvious as possible. I'll moan louder than I really need to and use dramatic body language, and usually he gets it. Other times, I'll just tell him that it's ok for him to finish, because I'm all good. less