Random thoughts on Orgasms...

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Random thoughts on Orgasms...

Dragon Dragon
Some random thoughts and questions...

Anyone ever fake an orgasm? Do you believe that you can fool your partner or not? Why'd you do it...

Anyone ever have such a disconnect with their partner that you discovered later that they thought you came when in reality you were nowhere even close?
03/11/2009
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Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
I have, I can and I do...He would never know the difference.
03/11/2009
Epiphora Epiphora
No, I haven't faked it, and I think my boyfriend would know if I did.
03/11/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I have, though rarely....I don't see it necessarily as a disconnect but more as an encouragement for my partner to keep going! The big "O" is usually just ahead. He knows I need two orgasms prior to the finale but sometimes I will be satisfied with less so why not? I hate discussions during sex, so a "fake" takes care of it.
03/11/2009
Sammi Sammi
I used to back when I was younger. Now I don't anymore, and my husband would be able to tell at this point. He always brings me to orgasm first before he cums, which is nice.
03/11/2009
Machina Machina
I know I sure do! I know I'm doing the female gender an injustice when I fake it, but sometimes it's just not worth the outcome of not faking it.

I've had the "sometimes, although rarely, I don't need an orgasm to feel satisfied after sex" conversation with boyfriends, and it's the truth. However, the outcome is always horrible.

The asshole losers take it as "I don't have to worry about giving her an orgasm anymore because she's satisfied without them."

The pussies take it as "You're lying! I'm such a failure!"

The dicks with ego issues take it as "Yes! A challenge! I WILL make her cum!" ---ugh...no thanks, I'm good.

I think a lot of male's sexual satisfaction is dependent upon pleasing their partner. It's a rarity for a girl to find a man who truly understands female sexuality and satisfaction. These are the only kinds of men who could actually tell the difference between a real and fake orgasm anyway. Too bad you would never have to fake with them anyway because they are comfortable enough with themselves, and know you well enough to know that you don't always need to get off.
03/11/2009
Viv Viv
I used to when i was younger (didn't help that medication made it impossible to orgasm for over a year. D: yuck) but now i never do and my partner has agreed to never fake either. I understand that it can be easier than just saying--hey you know what? i'm good so you can stop. but we feel like it doesn't really help in the long run. I mean, if you fake it while they're doing something you're not a fan of, they might conclude you are a fan of that and keep it up. We much prefer to just have a nice cuddly talk about it and call it a night or try a different route.

but machina said that this argument has not been taking easily by men she has met, so i suppose i should clarify and we are a lesbian couple and so maybe have an easier time coming to an understanding this sort of thing.
03/11/2009
Machina Machina
Quote:
Originally posted by Viv
I used to when i was younger (didn't help that medication made it impossible to orgasm for over a year. D: yuck) but now i never do and my partner has agreed to never fake either. I understand that it can be easier than just saying--hey you know ...
I agree that faking an orgasm during unsatisfying sex is a definite no no, and can only do damage to your relationship in the long run.

You're lucky to be in such an understanding relationship. Go Saurou!
03/11/2009
Viv Viv
Quote:
Originally posted by Machina
I agree that faking an orgasm during unsatisfying sex is a definite no no, and can only do damage to your relationship in the long run.

You're lucky to be in such an understanding relationship. Go Saurou!
Thanks! ^_^ and yup, i'm certainly not taking that crazy chick of mine for granted. we are always trying to get our other couple-friends to do the radical "communicating" thing, but they still sort of look at us like we've got 9 heads.
03/11/2009
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Machina
I know I sure do! I know I'm doing the female gender an injustice when I fake it, but sometimes it's just not worth the outcome of not faking it.

I've had the "sometimes, although rarely, I don't need an orgasm to feel ...
I hate that conversation. "I've had the "sometimes, although rarely, I don't need an orgasm to feel satisfied after sex" conversation with boyfriends, and it's the truth. However, the outcome is always horrible." It can lead to the assumption that women never need to have an orgasm.

Nobody is answering the flip side of the question. They didn't fake an orgasm, and their partner was convinced they had one.
03/11/2009
Nashville Nashville
All the time before I was married!

I had really self-involved partners and I had a terrible time having an orgasm (I'd try for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes even hours). I had to fake it for an ego boost- One partner actually got mad at me if I couldn't, like I didn't cum on purpose to make him feel less virile. I had another partner that didn't even care if I got off, he was only focused on getting his nut- squirrelly guy but his dick was HUGE, obviously I didn't stay with him because he was Prince Charming.

When I met my husband, the first 6 months of our relationship I faked it. He couldn't tell the difference- especially when I would squeeze my PC muscles to simulate an actual orgasm. I'd be overly vocal and just put on a show. THEN we got married and it all changed. I said- you know what? You never really focus on me and he said he felt like he didn't need to because I always got off. The lines of communication were opened and he made me promise never to fake it again.

Now if I know I'm not going to be able to (which is a rarity) I say, "I want you to cum for me" and I'll buck against him whenever he stops thrusting to keep himself from cumming. He sometimes asks why I don't want to cum but he'll see the look of frustration on my face and realize it's better to get it over with than try to hold out until I can. Then he'll have me lay back and he'll get me off with his hands and mouth. I LOVE having an orgasm when he's inside of me but some times it's just not going to happen.

The sex is better with my husband, I mean sure, it's less of a production, but he knows me and can read my facial expressions. HE ALWAYS knows when I'm going to cum, if I tried to fake it at this point he'd be able to spot the black sheep in a sea of white ones. What he and I share isn't just a sexual relationship anymore so faking isn't required- we share an emotional, spiritual connection and I'm not going to destroy or cheapen that with screams of "Ohhh, yea! I'm cumming", when in fact I'm actually not.
03/11/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
All the time before I was married!

I had really self-involved partners and I had a terrible time having an orgasm (I'd try for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes even hours). I had to fake it for an ego boost- One partner actually got mad ...
Great post, and I generally agree with everything you said (although my fakes were extremely rare do-or-die moments, and I don't think I could handle faking it for a long period of time). I can actually count the number of times that I've faked it on one hand out of thousands of orgasms...I'm much more likely to just say, "This isn't working for me."

I'm sorry your previous partners were such shit. =(
03/11/2009
Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
Great post, and I generally agree with everything you said (although my fakes were extremely rare do-or-die moments, and I don't think I could handle faking it for a long period of time). I can actually count the number of times that I've ...
When I was younger I had poor communication skills, I wish I would have been able to say that it wasn't working. I constantly felt like I walked on egg shells, like I was grateful they were having sex with me in the first place, so to say something that implied it wasn't enough to satisfy me would be sexual suicide.

I had shitty partners but if I could pick them all over again I'd go with the same guys (I have bad taste, what can I say? lol). No, but seriously- those really bad sexual relationships make what I have with my husband now feel like something truly special, they've made me appreciate my current sex life and I need that, I need to appreciate the sex with the person I promised forever to.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince.
03/12/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
When I was younger I had poor communication skills, I wish I would have been able to say that it wasn't working. I constantly felt like I walked on egg shells, like I was grateful they were having sex with me in the first place, so to say ...
My dad is half-French, half-Welsh, and he's an even harsher version of me. Don't worry, I was just born bitchy. =)
03/12/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I know I am not totally there yet sexually but I have learned so much from prior partners, yes, some of them were jerks, sexually and otherwise but I always want to grow.
A "fake", yes, @times then and now but very rarely. At the time it seems so right to get me to the next place. Guys are, overall, so fucking insecure that to let something go once in awhile? What the hell!
I told one guy about my great needs once...he left but I still feel he could have been great lover but I intimidated him.
03/12/2009
Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
Before my husband I did it a lot. I didn't have orgasms at all till I was 20, but I had been sexually active for about 5 years then. So I think I got REALLY good at it. Not screaming like a mad woman productions, but still faking it. The first times I did it with my husband were when our relationship was fairly new and mostly sexual. He was very inexperienced, and I almost did it to encourage him because he was doing it right and oh so good but it was me that couldn't orgasm at that very moment. It was dishonest but I do not think it hurt us. We are also very honest about sex, and what we like, but I have done it from time to time just to see if he would notice a difference. He has never asked if I have faked it with him. Often, faking it really good will lead me to actually orgasm and then he thinks he is just the stuff..love it.
03/12/2009
Swallows Swallows
I never had an orgasm until my husband. I did fake it frequently, before him, but quite poorly I'm sure. I don't think it really mattered to the guy because we were young, and I don't think he knew and it was obviously still a turn on. I guess I thought I was being kind!
03/13/2009
Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
My boyfriend and I, though fluid bonded, are not psychically bonded. His orgasms are always very obvious (shakes, shudders, growling, ejaculation, etc.). On the other hand, he can't easily tell when I orgasm. On more than one occasion, he's held back for way too long because he makes it his express goal to make me cum at least once before he finishes--but doesn't realize that I've already had MULTIPLE little earthquakes. We've had a few conversations about this, and from now on, I try my best to make my orgasms as violently obvious as possible. I'll moan louder than I really need to and use dramatic body language, and usually he gets it. Other times, I'll just tell him that it's ok for him to finish, because I'm all good.
03/13/2009
Mamastoys Mamastoys
I have in the past- especially when the kids were younger and it was "timed" event. Now, we have a better understanding of what makes both of us tick and he tries to make sure I'm there before he comes. But even if I don't cum, it's ok as long as we both enjoy the experience and are comfortable with it. Another advantage of getting older, I guess! I don't know that he was aware of it when I was younger but I definitely think he would know now.
03/13/2009
Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
My boyfriend and I, though fluid bonded, are not psychically bonded. His orgasms are always very obvious (shakes, shudders, growling, ejaculation, etc.). On the other hand, he can't easily tell when I orgasm. On more than one occasion, he's ...
This I completely get...
03/13/2009
Gabe Gabe
Though not direct answer to your question, in a related answer--My most recent partner was a woman who had a lot of trouble getting off, whether it was me touching her or masturbation. We had really good lines of communication (which was amazing, and I attribute as much to her as I do to myself) so I knew that she stressed over it and I knew that it didn't have to do with me doing anything wrong per se, but I also knew that she would tell me when she had had enough and she meant it. With that said, I generally did my best to get her off for as long as she wanted and she would tell me to stop eventually--I never asked whether she came because I didn't want to bring up the subject...which, months later, came up when she said something about a time I'd made her come and I had had no idea whatsoever that she had come at the time. Verrryyyy tricky, those orgasms.
03/17/2009
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I faked once bcs I was getting bored with the sex, the guy was only thinking about himself. I pretended to cum (I am sure it was a terrible act) and pushed him off saying after cumming I was too sensitive and that he will have to finish off with his trusty hands!

With my partner today I could never fake he would know if I was faking, my orgasm are very physical and vocal. I am sure my face and body movements can not be reenacted when not experiencing a true orgasm. I am sure I like someone on drugs having a seizure loudly moaning an ancient language of lust. I could never fake and get away with it.
03/23/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Viv
Thanks! ^_^ and yup, i'm certainly not taking that crazy chick of mine for granted. we are always trying to get our other couple-friends to do the radical "communicating" thing, but they still sort of look at us like we've got 9 heads.
OMG another couple with 9 heads...gosh when we try to explain that we deal with all our problems with discussion and listening skills it feels like trying to explain the concept of color to a lifelong blind person. Very frustrating!

About faking orgasm...I have tried and gotten caught each time. Apparently I have such a unique body reaction when I cum that it's painfully obvious when I try to fake it. Both my guys listen and if it's not gonna happen then they are maybe concerned about me but not in that whole male ego machismo way. Usually I have trouble achieving orgasm when I am way over tired or sick, the usual reasons so it's not been a big deal for us.
03/30/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
All the time before I was married!

I had really self-involved partners and I had a terrible time having an orgasm (I'd try for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes even hours). I had to fake it for an ego boost- One partner actually got mad ...
Bravo! So nice to read that Sleeping Dreamer! It would cheapen such a relationship and say to your partner that you don't trust in his reaction. That hurts no matter what you are doing but when you are doing the most intimate act you can do with a partner that's a real slap in the face! You have yourself a wonderful man there, you show how close you really are when you are honest with him no matter what you are doing!
03/30/2009
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
When I was younger I had poor communication skills, I wish I would have been able to say that it wasn't working. I constantly felt like I walked on egg shells, like I was grateful they were having sex with me in the first place, so to say ...
LOL My dad is French Canadian so my Mom says she kissed a lot of Princes to find her Frog!
03/30/2009
Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Great post. It made me think long and hard about the sex I've had with my GF. So I asked her this same question and she responded, "No, I've never faked one, I never needed to. Although a few times I did think about whether or not to fake it, because I was getting tired and I wanted to get it over with."

I'm glad she's never had to fake it, but I will be more attentive and sense whether she thinks the session is taking too long.
12/15/2011
Total posts: 26
Unique posters: 16