I am the EXACT same way. Any touch of orange in the red, and it goes straight to hot pink. Look for blue red tones. As far as how most brands divide up their colors in drugstores and what not, you'll want to check out the wine-like grouping. It's a good start to find tones that compliment your skin, which I imagine is kind of pale with slight yellow undertones? (that's me!)
Although, red is finally back in full style, so most brands are expanding their true red collections. Just shoot for the darker end of the spectrum. I do little blot tests on the back of my hand to see what how the color will change on my skin. I am also one of those who absorbs lipstick quickly. So I opt for those paint styles, and usually put a creamy lipstick over the top to keep it looking moisturized and vibrant without feathering into my lips, or needing to reapply every 20 minutes.
For a bold, very rich red, I use:
Paint color: Maybelline SuperStay Lipcolor - 745 Wine
Lipstick: Maybelline Color-sensational (which is thick and almost matte) in color 645 - Red Revival.
If you opt to not use the paint type, definitely find a good quality lip liner. Red lips need a really cleanly defined shape to keep from looking haphazard.
1) apply lip liner, fill in lips about halfway with it.
2) apply first coat of lipstick
3) lightly blot some sort of powder (like foundation powder) to set it
4) give it a minute, and reapply lipstick.
That will make it last much longer, and will smudge less. Also, make sure you have a very clean foundation application around your lips to make it look even crisper.