Moving in together

Stephanie Majors Stephanie Majors
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 almost 5 months now and we are talking about moving in together. I have been basically living at his apartment and I have the key to his apartment. My dad even wants me to move in because I'm never at my own apartment and paying rent there is pointless. There really wouldn't be a difference to me moving in because I'm basically already lving at his place. He says things are moving fast but he didn't necessarily say it was bad because he's said before he think it's fine. What do you think?
12/21/2011
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Elnoa Elnoa
I think you really need to talk about it, and perhaps try it out on a trial basis. Moving in can be difficult for both people, even if it's someone you spend a lot of time with and "basically live there anyway." And besides, 5 months is not a long time to be with someone and I'd consider that still the "honeymoon phase". My husband and I did not move in until we had been together for 4 years and it was still a very difficult transition.

Really: talk about it, in detail. Lay out your expectations and goals for the move. You need to discuss things that bother you about the other person and how you want to deal with those things (and don't tell me "nothing bothers me about him! he's perfect in every way!", yeah, I hear it all the time).
12/22/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Elnoa
I think you really need to talk about it, and perhaps try it out on a trial basis. Moving in can be difficult for both people, even if it's someone you spend a lot of time with and "basically live there anyway." And besides, 5 months is ... More
I totally agree with this!

How long until your lease ends at your current place? It could hurt your credit if you leave the lease without a subleaser.

Definitely talk about it all with him. Moving in is an important step, one that is often rushed.
12/22/2011
voenne voenne
Quote:
Originally posted by Elnoa
I think you really need to talk about it, and perhaps try it out on a trial basis. Moving in can be difficult for both people, even if it's someone you spend a lot of time with and "basically live there anyway." And besides, 5 months is ... More
I agree that it is still a "honeymoon phase". I would be worried about moving this fast in a relationship. If you still choose to, you have to be okay with the possibility of it not working, and have somewhere to go in case it doesn't work out. Don't rush it and definitely talk about it more than just, "Oh, it would be nice, wouldn't it?"

There is still a HUGE difference between being at someone's house as a frequent guest who keeps a few things there but still has their own home to go back to, and actually living with them 24/7, it being both your homes, and wanting to do things your own way, even if it doesn't seem like it. Sorry for sounding condescending, but this is a serious decision that needs to take more time.
12/22/2011
LoveTies LoveTies
Quote:
Originally posted by Elnoa
I think you really need to talk about it, and perhaps try it out on a trial basis. Moving in can be difficult for both people, even if it's someone you spend a lot of time with and "basically live there anyway." And besides, 5 months is ... More
^ agree! Practically living there, and actually living there are two completely different things. You might be around each other all the time now, but if there's a disagreement, there's the option to go home and get some air to think about things. Living there, there's no going home for air, there's just being there and having to learn other ways to handle confrontation.

I moved in with my husband very early, too. It was very hard, and I wish we had waited a bit longer. The honeymoon phase didn't last as long with us when we were getting on each others nerves more
01/04/2012
jedent jedent
no life changing decision making for at least a year. bottom line.
01/04/2012
Geography Geography
I agree with the previous posts. 5 months in is way too early to be discussing this. You are still in your honeymoon phase. You don't want to be stuck in the same house together when that ends!
01/20/2013
Robespierrethecat Robespierrethecat
I think it really depends on what your relationship is like. If you're seriously over there all the time and you two have talked about it and are comfortable with it-go for it. If your boyfriend thinks this would be taking things too fast, then you should wait. It'd be a lot better to avoid making him uncomfortable by randomly moving into his apartment.

The big thing I have to say is that if you were both decisively on board for this, there would be nothing wrong with it. There is no strict relationship timeline. There's no specific things you HAVE to do or not do at the 5-month point.
01/20/2013
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 8