My life has become a movie. A bittersweet tale of fate and resilient love.

Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
This is a bit of a long story, but I've been told it's a good read so grab some popcorn.

There was this kid I dated two years ago during the summer that I met at work who had to leave me because he had a pregnant girl (that he had never dated, just a drunken one night stand with a friend) in Florida and felt he needed to go back for his son. We met when I worked overnights at Walmart. He came in that evening and asks me a question about something we carried, said he just moved to town and asked me where there was an IHOP or something. I asked my coworkers because I had no idea. They gave him directions and he left. My good friend Hamora grins at me, says "Do that on your own time, girl!" and I had no idea what he was talking about. A couple nights later I was working with a friend of mine and talking about how I wanted to go on a date with someone. She said "What about the guy from the other night?". I said "He knows where to find me." Ironically, 15 minutes later he walks by. Later on tells me that he came in there to get my number that night. We dated for a while and got along really well, but he had the sudden feeling that he needed to be there for his son after some rather outrageous guilt trips from baby momma so he left me and moved back to Florida. It was a bit messy and we ended things on bad terms and had only spoken once or twice since. (This was two years ago.)

Suddenly, the other day I get a message from him.

He said he felt he needed to apoligize because that shit kept eating away at him. He'd spent over a year trying to find me but he couldn't because baby momma blocked me on Facebook back then and he had almost given up hope. Really strange considering I had hadn't really thought of him in a while until I was driving past the place he used to work. I wondered what happened to him, how he's been and how everything worked out. After he sent that message he asked if he could call me. We talked for hours and hours on the phone that night just catching up. The next day he decides to take a trip up here to see me. Drives 14 hours. We get together and have fun hang out as friends. Both of us had a really fuzzy memory of our times together, but they started to come back for both of us. He told me he still had all the letters we wrote to each other that I had forgotten about (I had given him the ones he had written to me when we parted last time).

A couple nights later we were both blindsided with all the feelings that were still there. The deep feelings of love, passion, and chemistry. But, he still had obligations and responsibilities that stood in the way of that. It was difficult because he still had an obligation to go back to baby momma and his son and she hates the fact I even exist even though we've never spoken, so we tried hard to fight those feelings.

Yesterday we spent time going out around town just like we used to. It was like old times. I remembered how much fun we had just in each other's company. How we'd never miss a beat, but it was sad at the same time. We used to collect stickers out of the vending machines in the old days. There was one at one of the places we went so we got one. When I pulled it out of the machine and gave it to him we stood there for a second staring into each other's eyes with a half smile and an unspoken and understood sense of bittersweet pain.

He went to do a few things and I went home and thought about everything. I wrote him a letter telling him how I had fallen back in love with him, that I had never ever felt this way about someone. Usually those feelings pass but it seemed like my love had grown in our time apart. How it's that way for both of us and I can see it in his eyes. How all day while I was constantly fighting the urge to grab his hand or just touch him but I knew it wasn't right. How I feel like I don't have a choice and I need to let it go, and being friends will make that harder so we have to go our own ways as much as I don't want that but that I'll always love him and have a place for him in my heart. And here's where it turns into a movie:

He says "I feel all the same ways you do and I saw none of this coming. After all these years and putting those feelings in a box, placing it on the shelf in the closet, and turning off the light they're still there and they never left. They've only grown. I know you need to do what you feel is right. I won't call or text. If I'm in town I won't tell you, but if we cross paths I'll wave and smile. If I ever do try to reach out to you again it will never be because she and I broke up or or had a falling out (they already were broken up because she had cheated on him), it will be because I can't live without you. If you ever need anything you know how to reach me and I'll be there as best as I can for you. I don't care what it is, someone to talk to, somewhere to go, money, anything. If you ever change your number or delete your Facebook please tell me so I can know how to get in touch with you. You've shown me so much about myself and the world in the short time we've been together. You've helped me grow, and there will always be a piece of you in me because of that. I'll carry that love with me always. And just know that even if I'm not around, that I'll always still love you."

We had a moment of silence and then he looks me in the eye and says "I suddenly feel like I need to give this to you. (His necklace he always wore.) No matter what's happenes to it it always finds it's way back to me. It's even been lost in the ocean and washed back up on shore. I want you to keep it and I hope that it will find its way back to me again. It always does and I have faith that it will again." I pretty much broke down at this and grabbed his hand as a way of showing him that I understood what he meant. "You don't have to wear it, but keep it with you always. I know that in time it'll find me again." He asked for my address, said that he felt like he needed to write me a letter. That he would send prints of the pictures we took with it instead of texting them to me, and then asked me if he could still have the sticker we got that day. When he was leaving he put his arms around me and just held me for a while and all of the emotional chaos completely disappeared. I could see him starting to tear up. And as he left, he said "Until next time."

Doesn't that seem like something right out of a movie?

My family lives not even an hour from where he does in Florida. I'll be back down there in a few months to visit them. His family lives here. We're almost destined to cross paths again. I have faith that he'll come back, but I'm not convincing myself that it's going to happen. This has already shown us that what we have is real and that everything happens for a reason. I mean, in all the movies it always works out in the end.

He texted me last night that he was home safe. I was glad he was thinking of me, but I said nothing in return. *sigh* I don't know what to do.
04/03/2012
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aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
This is a bit of a long story, but I've been told it's a good read so grab some popcorn.

There was this kid I dated two years ago during the summer that I met at work who had to leave me because he had a pregnant girl (that he had ... More
odd as it sounds, i've been there.

recently something similar came back up.

he's only 4 hours and 2 weeks away from me. but the 'she' is just as powerful as your man's. the love as requited. as forbidden, and powerful, and nostalgic, and aching, and beautiful, and painful.



there's nothing you need to do. things will come around if they are meant to be.

if you feel like you can contact him though, i recommend it. it'll make you feel better.


hugs and much love to you, sweet magic princess.
04/03/2012
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
odd as it sounds, i've been there.

recently something similar came back up.

he's only 4 hours and 2 weeks away from me. but the 'she' is just as powerful as your man's. the love as requited. as forbidden, and ... More
I just thought the whole monologue he went on, the whole necklace thing, and how everything lined up for us was crazy.

The necklace still smells like him and I feel all warm and fuzzy and comforted when I smell it.

I've been sitting him writing him letters I'm going to keep in a special box. It's helping me deal with this and maintain my space. These are things I want to tell him now, but will save for sometime in the future.

Meanwhile, I've got a whole playlist of Billie Holiday happening.
04/03/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
I'm such a hopeless romantic, that was sad but sweet as well.
I don't understand it but we don't know all the details that are between you two. But it sounds like he isn't happy or in love with that girl so what is the hold up?
If you don't love someone you don't have to stay just because there is a child involved. I mean it's nice and makes him a good man that he TRIED but if it's not there don't feel obligated to stay. Why stay with her when he can still be a father to his son and be with someone that he actually does care for and will be happy with?
I hope something good happens for you, he sounds like a good guy.
You're a lot stronger than me, I don't think I could hold back like that. I'm just too emotional/affectionate .
Good luck with your situation!
04/03/2012
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
I went digging though my old stacks of things I'd written in notebooks and scraps of paper. Found the rough draft of the last letter I wrote to him two years ago and gave to him when I put the letters he had written me in his car.

"If they mean what they say they'll find their way back to me someday."

Meaning the letters, but him more than them. These phrases of "He knows where to find me." That one I just wrote. And him saying the necklace "always finds its way back." . . .

The rest of that letter where I tell him that I'd never felt that way about anyone before and that we had this deep connection and understanding that I'd never had with anyone . . . these were things he said to me a few days ago and I had written in the letter I gave him right before he left this last time. Neither one of us remembered the details of that old letter, but still felt that way.

It's getting harder and harder to not reach out to him. I took pictures of what I found and sent them to him, but turned off my phone. I'm not ready to see if he responds or not. I just hope he realizes what I just did in reading that. I won't say anything back to him if he does respond. It's when he finally makes that decision to come back that I'll step out of the shadows.

04/04/2012
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
And I just called him. Told him he had a week to make up his mind . . .

04/04/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 3