What would you do if your "I love you" wasn't returned?

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What would you do if your "I love you" wasn't returned?

Sera26 Sera26
I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months, but we've only been officially dating for the last two. I had just broken up with my ex and was afraid so at first I was trying to do a friends with benefits style thing but I can't do that once I start to like someone.

For the last couple of weeks I've known that I'm in love with him. I am not usually the type of person who says "I love you" first. However it seems like I've sort of been in charge of this whole relationship.

Lately we've been seeing each other more often. We've also seemed to have gotten emotionally closer by sharing life stories and what not. Plus he's been complimenting me a lot. He's also been saying "I really really like you" often. I was kind of thinking that might mean that he felt the same way but was afraid to say it first.

I told him last night that I loved him and he didn't tell me back. We talked about it today. He was all worried when I started to get embarrassed and was trying to be like super nice and supportive.

I told him I felt stupid and he said that he felt like a jerk. At first he said that he wasn't good with those words and then he said that he wasn't sure where he stood on it or something along those lines. I told him that I was glad that he didn't just lie to me.

I just feel super awkward now. I guess I had to vent. Any tips? Thanks.
04/07/2013
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Fluke Fluke
Been there, done that. Everyone has a different view on love, some people fall quickly and some people are guarded and it takes them awhile and some have trouble even saying the words.

When it happened to me I got clingy to try to get her to fall in love with me and it just turned her off (yeah, yeah rookie mistake I know) So my advice is to not change anything and just tell yourself that when he falls in love with you he'll say it in good time.
04/08/2013
twelve13 twelve13
For my first love, I fell in love with her, told her, and she didn't say it back. When I told her, I went into it assuming she wouldn't say it back. It said it more for me than for her.
04/08/2013
js250 js250
My husband told me he loved me a week after we started having sex together. It took me another week or so to say it back to him. I was not going to rush in and tell him feelings that were not quite there yet.

I think you should do what he did. He told me he loved me but understood if I needed more time. No pressure and acceptance of where I was at emotionally and that I was not yet to the love you stage was the impetus in changing MY feelings from really really liking and sexually attracted to love.
04/08/2013
tami tami
Quote:
Originally posted by Sera26
I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months, but we've only been officially dating for the last two. I had just broken up with my ex and was afraid so at first I was trying to do a friends with benefits style thing but I can't do that ...
seem like there is something more than just friends if he did not take off and not come back after you said it to him. Hang in there and see what happens
04/08/2013
FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
My husband told me he loved me a week after we started having sex together. It took me another week or so to say it back to him. I was not going to rush in and tell him feelings that were not quite there yet.

I think you should do what he did. ...
Well said!

Sera26, you might also take into consideration what his past relationship experiences have been like--perhaps he's had his heart broken, and is hesitant to be vulnerable to that again. In addition, he may be concerned that you fell in love quickly because of your recent break-up with your ex, and the rebound syndrome. When you feel it's a good time, and if you think this is the case, try telling him about the things you love about him. Be careful, though, as it's generally the case that we don't see all of the true personality of a person until we've dated them for around six months.

Also, congrats on having the balls to go ahead and say those scary words!
04/08/2013
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I was the one on the other side of things. My husband told me he loved me a month before I said it back to him. He said it a couple times and I didn't know what to say. I wanted a seriously relationship, but was terrified by how instantly serious we were. After being married for years it was crazy to think that the first relationship I had after my ex husband would be right. I could tell that it hurt him that I didn't say it back, but I told him I didn't want to say it until I knew I truly felt it. I cared about him, and told him that, it just took me a little longer to be okay with what was going on. I ended up realizing that I had felt exactly the same way the whole time, I was just too scared to admit it to him and to myself.
04/08/2013
Munko Munko
I wasn't expecting to hear it back, so that made it easier. I had been warned that it would be a VERY long time before he'd say those words to someone again, and I was okay with that. I made sure to give it lots of time before I said it so I wouldn't scare him off...we had already been living together for a few months...about 6 months in, I said it. I did hear it back around 9 months (It was Christmas day!!)

I've lost a lot of people in my life, and I feel it's important to let those people I do love know how I feel because you never know when you'll lose that chance forever. I needed him to know I loved him, even if he didn't feel the same or wasn't ready to say it back - my feelings are my own and I wanted to have no regrets in regards to them.

It's okay to feel differently, as long as you're heading in the same direction, even if it's at different speeds. If he's not ready - that's fine. It will happen in time if things are good and continue to stay that way!
04/08/2013
bratcat bratcat
About four months into my current relationship i realized i was very much in love with my partner, and let it first slip once during sex, but they didnt seem to notice. However, shortly after i told them how i felt and the feeling was not returned. He explained himself on that end and move through it - but i always worried about expressing to them how i felt by telling them "i love you," and a few times explained how it wasnt something i was saying to get a response but so they knew thats how i felt. One night (our first christmas together actually) before going to bed i told them again "i love you" and was happy to hear "i love you too" escape his lips, so much so that i cried and we then discussed our feelings toward each other and i asked when he started to feel that way. While i was a little embarrassed at first for telling them and not having it returned, i'm glad i told him and am so grateful they really took the time to think and process their feelings and told me when they were most comfortable about the way they feel.
I really like what Munko said "It's okay to feel differently, as long as you're heading in the same direction, even if it's at different speeds. If he's not ready - that's fine. It will happen in time if things are good and continue to stay that way!" Its so very true and great advice!
04/09/2013
Sera26 Sera26
Thanks for the input everyone. I saw him again today and I think that things will be okay in the long run.
04/09/2013
novanilla novanilla
I have been the one who didn't say it back, and I felt bad, but also when it was said to me it was an outburst that was at a really bad time, so that was an easy out in that the person realized it was inappropriate and I didn't have to say much aside from something like "I'm really not comfortable with that right now." I think we all have to keep in mind that we don't know what's going on in someone else's life, and there could be so much going on there that they can't even think about whether or not they love someone, which is where I was at in my situation.
04/09/2013
nova2014 nova2014
I think sometimes certain people have different views on love. My boyfriend only says it when he *really* feels "in love" like the soft eyes sweet looks type feeling, so if I say it and he doesn't feel like that he won't say it back, but he does say it (he actually says it more than I do). I on the other hand can say it anytime and actually feel like I mean it whenever I say it, we're just different that way.
07/17/2013
Castielskitten Castielskitten
If I said I love you to him today, and he didn't say it back, I think I beat him lol. He was the one to say I love you to me first and it took me a bit to say it back, but then he was told by my mother that he had to prove to me that I could trust him since the past boyfriends really hurt me. When I said it though...I'm not sure if he cracked my rib or if that was his arm cracking
07/17/2013
Total posts: 13
Unique posters: 12