Need Advice! Please! Maybe guys input as well?

Keisha Keisha
I'm 23 years old my ex is 27. We have been off and on for 9 years and some how we always find our way back to each other. The longest we have been split up is a year and that was with no contact. We have been split up this time for about 6 months but still have been seeing each other off and on and talking and trying to work on things, but he ended up meeting someone and basically left me in the back. I love the guy with all my heart. He texted me and told me things wasn't working out and he met someone which broke my heart, he also ended up changing his number. However, I found he has been talking to this girl behind my back we wasn't really dating but we was having sex and trying to work on things, I told the girl and her and I became friends. She was already talking to someone anyways and told me she did not want to be with my ex. However, my ex was texting me from an app on his phone and he kept telling me how much he hated me and stuff, but then he was worried about me sending someone naked pictures ( which i didnt) and he was also worried about my last name change on Facebook I changed it to a guys last name that I have been talking to the year we was broke up the guy actually ask me to marry him and we was engaged. Just wondering Since the ex an I broke up I deiced to give this guy a chance again and maybe take the commitment he is wonderful to me.The ex and I had a lot of problems and we have went thru this before him telling me he hates me and then he ends up telling me he misses me, but this time im afraid! Anyways my ex and I have been split up for almost 2 weeks I miss him like crazy he hasn't texted me at all or talked to me. I do not want to be with him because I know things will never work but would like to be civil and say hi once in awhile he was a huge part of my life. Do you really think he could hate me? Will he ever miss me?
03/13/2013
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ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
I can't speak for sure on your situation, but my ex and I went through a lot of the same thing. He hated my guts with a passion until I got a new boyfriend and suddenly, he missed me like crazy and wanted me back - though before that, he could've given a rats ass.

Like your relationship, we were together for a long time but it was a terrible relationship with lots of breaking up here and there. We also had 3 kids under our belts...

I understand that this guy is a huge part of your life and that at the moment, you feel like you really love everything about him. But, we deserve better. We deserve better than a guy who would ever say that he hated anything about us or that he doesn't miss us, because we are not here for them to hate us and we know that we're miss-able.

Just as you are hurt by what he's done to you, he's hurt as well and guys don't have these big vocabularies that allow them to express that hurt in a constructive way. The only thing he knows how to do is say that he hates what he can't explain and while he may feel that way very strongly right now, you're only option is to give him time and space. Once he's had time to sort out his feelings and once he's given you time to sort out yours, you may be civil and you may be able to be friends. And if you can't, at least by that time, you'll be better able to deal with it.

I hope all of that made sense, kind of rambling a little bit
03/13/2013
js250 js250
A lot of the time a person is not scared to break up while they still have you as a 'back up' in case nothing else works out. When this has changed they get panicky and want the situation back to where they feel they can still go back to you if their future is not so bright. Let this guy go--maybe after a few years, you guys can be friends, but this on/off/emotional abuse is not healthy for either one of you!!
03/13/2013
Munko Munko
Hate is an emotion, one of passion - I suspect he won't be able to be civil with you (and you him, without wanting more or wondering what if) until the emotions behind it all die down.

Another thing some guys seem to like to do is push you away by being mean. Well intentioned sometimes, they think if they turn mean and heartless, you will have an easier time walking away from them. Unfortunately they don't realize it's more hurtful than keeping things civil and nice. It's also occasionally a defense mechanism. It's easier to "hate" you, than be friendly with you but try to keep the boundaries clear and avoid falling back into the same old routines.

I understand he's been a big part of your life, but once you're completely over things (as much as you ever get over your first love!) you'll miss him less and probably want to be friends less and less as time goes on.
03/13/2013
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Leave them all behind and consider going back to school/taking different classes (I don't know if you're in school or not, but more education is never a bad thing).

Sounds like a LOT of drama that could be really confusing and self-perpetuating. Who has time for that stuff (I have bronchitis!)?!

Be strong for you and no one else!
03/14/2013
jr2012 jr2012
Wow. I feel like it's inappropriate for me to suggest what you should do, since I don't know you or the guy, but I do think the situation sounds very weird and emotionally draining.

In my experience, love is best when there's harmony, and when there's little fighting. The relationship should make the both of you feel good, and it doesn't really sound like that has been happening for you for a long time.

I know when you break up it's very hard to stop contacting the other person, because for a long time they were your friend, if not your best friend. You get used to them being there, even if they are no longer acting like they used to.

I hope whatever happens makes you happy, you deserve it!
03/15/2013
melliegirl melliegirl
do whatever you think will make u happy in the long run. Good Luck
03/18/2013
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 7