Friends of the opposite sex?

Munko Munko
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex? Does it matter if they're friends acquired before you met, or after? Does the type of relationship make a difference (eg: they hang out alone, VS in a group, etc) are there boundaries in your relationship for this sort of thing?
03/26/2013
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surreptitious surreptitious
Quote:
Originally posted by Munko
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex? Does it matter if they're friends acquired before you met, or after? Does the type of relationship make a difference (eg: they hang out alone, VS in a group, etc) are there ... More
I would never care what gender my partner's friends were. I'm a pretty good example of a girl who has had dozens of male friends over the course of her life and never slept with any of them, and I'd trust my partner enough to let him hang out with a huge group of women in the nude. I would be very upset if he actually did cheat, don't get me wrong, but I'm not of the belief that anyone should be allowed to control who someone else is friends with. (Off topic, but that goes for parents too. I do believe that parents should be allowed to tell their children that they can't do certain things with certain people, though I don't always agree with what parents try to control, but they should never be allowed to say that two people can't be friends.)
03/26/2013
Munko Munko
My SO has always had female friends, he's always been a bit of a ladies man and garners female attention (of the friendly sort, usually) quite easily. But those relationships have usually been in group settings or casual keeping in touch on facebook, etc. There are a few exceptions of long time friends that he may meet up with for a drink if they're in town, or stop in to visit without me, but generally he doesn't hang out with women alone. I think because of that, if he were to meet a new female friend and want to hang out alone with her, it'd send up red flags for me and I wouldn't be too comfortable with it. Only because it's not his usual behavior, or they way he generally carries on friendships with women. I know he feels the same about me - I have a few casual male friends but no real close ones that I tend to spend a lot of time with, or ever did - so I know if I suddenly met a man I wanted to hang out with alone, he'd be uncomfortable with that as well.


I suppose though, as long as I got to know her and I was included at times, over time I'd feel more comfortable with the idea, maybe. But if he just came home one night and said "I met suzy Q at the office last week, we're going for drinks on Saturday night just the two of us" I'd have a tough time with it.
03/26/2013
Sera26 Sera26
I think that everyone should have friends of both sexes, if they want. My only issue is when my bf tells me that they know personal, sexual issues about him. yes, I get jealous.
03/26/2013
eri86 eri86
It's just about having boundaries in place with friends of the opposite sex.
03/26/2013
JodiPrince JodiPrince
I have always been the girl who has had tons of male friends...I was raised with all boys around me so it just happened that way...but my boyfriend would mind if I was going to meet up with them alone for no reason....I mean he has had female friends and I havent always seen eye to eye with but as time played out they were always out for something else so it all depends on the relationship
03/26/2013
Septimus Septimus
It really wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Honestly, I'm just thrilled that he has lots of friends (outside of our group of shared friends).
03/26/2013
js250 js250
It would depend on the relationship and how much I know the person. The better I know them--the more comfortable I would be with the friendship.
03/26/2013
Gdom Gdom
Neither of us is straight (we're both attracted to ladies, dudes, and non-binary-identifiers ), so it wouldn't make much sense to feel threatened by my SO hanging out with members of the opposite sex. If the worry is supposed to be that my SO will fall madly in love with someone else, then that worry should extend to her interactions with EVERYONE, since everyone is a "potential threat" under that logic. But obviously, that's a silly, stressful, unhealthy, and ultimately untenable way to live and maintain a relationship, so we don't do that.
03/26/2013
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Munko
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex? Does it matter if they're friends acquired before you met, or after? Does the type of relationship make a difference (eg: they hang out alone, VS in a group, etc) are there ... More
I have had issues with my husband having female friends in the past but that was because I knew he had a habit of sleeping with his friends and we were SUPPOSED to be monogamous. I, too, have a habit of getting too involved with friends and it usually ends up getting into physical affection, which was another reason I had problems with his female friends. You know, if I know I get too close then I know he could do the same.

This sort of behavior on my part cost us some really good friends and potential friends in the past and I really think jealous behavior hurt our relationship way more than anything else we did to each other.

Once I got over the idea that he would walk away and leave me all alone with no one to love me (ok so I was a bit pathetic back then...) I was able to allow him the freedom to make and nurture friendships with whomever he wanted. He has made some pretty awesome friends lately!

I am proud to say that my other partner has only ever gotten the very edges of my jealous desire to wrap my partners up in bubble wrap and put them away until I want to play with them....
03/26/2013
CutiePatootie CutiePatootie
That is a loaded question. I think for both of us, it completely depends on the person and how their relationship is or developed.
03/26/2013
KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
My boyfriend and I are totally okay with each other having friends of the opposite sex. We do discuss certain people who make us uncomfortable though. Out of respect, we do not spend time with those people alone.
03/26/2013
edeneve edeneve
it would depend on the relationship & how that person was friends w/ me too.
03/26/2013
gsfanatic gsfanatic
It depends on the relationship, but almost always I'll be entirely cool with it
03/26/2013
spunkmonkey spunkmonkey
It all depends on the kind of relationship they have.
03/26/2013
oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
It doesn't both me in the slightest. I trust him.
05/02/2013
Ilmenskie Ilmenskie
I don't see the issue but as both myself and my boyfriend are bisexual it's a little different for us!
05/04/2013
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
I agree with the other posters, you have to have good boundaries. Some people can be friends with people of the sex. Some people can't. Just like some people can go into a bar and have one drink and others can't stop at one.

Personally, I am never alone with a man that I am attracted to or who I know is attracted to me. Nor do I have personal or flirty conversations with other men. I do have a good male friend who I kid around with but we have been friends for years and there is no attraction there. I would not do that with anyone else because it can be easily misinterpreted. We do not have private talks or IMs with people of the opposite sex. If one of us is uncomfortable with the friendship then we end it. Our relationship is more important than any friendship.
05/04/2013
DixieDoo DixieDoo
It does not bother me because I fully trust my boyfriend. He has an all-girl group he is working with right now in his college class and I think nothing of it. Like I said, I trust him.
05/05/2013
RaspberryRogue RaspberryRogue
The -only- problem I have with him having female friends (ones he met before me,) is that he's slept with all of them. Most of them I really don't care about since he hardly talks to any of his friends anyways, but there is one in particular that he sees every two or three months that used to rent the room across from his. They used to have sex all the time and she was in love with him and when I came into the picture she became jealous of me because I was young and he loved me and not her. I trust him, but I don't trust her and apparently she has put the whole thing behind her (she also called me a slew of names to him and he told me everything that she had said) and wants to get to know me and he wants us to be friends because she's one of his best friends, but I can't just forget about everything that happened. If she used to love him, some feelings, whether she's admitting it or not, must still be there. Also, I think if she was jealous of me before that it's bound to happen again. I don't like her and don't trust her and would be perfectly content if they never spoke again. Besides her, we basically have the same friends that we hang out with.
05/13/2013
xgreatlovex xgreatlovex
Quote:
Originally posted by Munko
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex? Does it matter if they're friends acquired before you met, or after? Does the type of relationship make a difference (eg: they hang out alone, VS in a group, etc) are there ... More
my boyfriend is a musician so i have to be trusting and leniant about his involvement with women on stage off stage and at practice. its a really really tough line to draw especially on a professional level PLAYING with a woman, Woman get OFF my mans microphone! lol
05/15/2013
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 20