Should You Have Extracurricular Sex If Given Permission? - from Em and Lo

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Should You Have Extracurricular Sex If Given Permission? - from Em and Lo

Em & Lo Em & Lo
Here's a conundrum: Say you're in love. But -- and it's a big "but" -- due to health reasons, your partner can no longer engage in many forms of sex with you. And so your partner gives you permission to sleep with other people. You believe deeply in monogamy, and you don't want to cheat on your partner, but you're a very sexual person. What do you do? (This is exactly the predicament one EMandLO.com reader found herself in.)
08/25/2010
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Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
That's a tough one... I wouldn't really consider it cheating, since permission has been given, and to me, cheating involves being dishonest and doing things behind your partner's back. If it were me, though, I'd choose to pass up the "chance" to screw other people. After all, in that scenario, I've only been given permission to have sex with other people, which sounds like I'm just using other people to get off with, and I'm not emotionally capable of doing that. And doing anything more than "just sex" really would feel like cheating to me.
08/25/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
That's a tough one. When I was younger, I may very well have done it. But now I think I would make the best of what is possible with my spouse.
08/25/2010
gone77 gone77
Seeing as I don't deeply believe in monogamy, I don't know what a person in that situation would do. Having said that, I personally wouldn't have a problem with it and wouldn't see it as cheating since my partner gave me permission. I'd have to make sure that my partner is really OK with me sleeping with other people and not simply giving me permission because they're worried I'll cheat. Regardless of the circumstances, both parties must be on the same page.
08/25/2010
Sammi Sammi
I don't know if I could do it.
08/25/2010
Envy Envy
I don't think I'd do it, I'd make due with what i can with my partner, and any gaps I'll try to fill by other means. And by the way she said with pain and such, I think some doctor somewhere should be able to help her bf.
08/25/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
That's a tough one... I wouldn't really consider it cheating, since permission has been given, and to me, cheating involves being dishonest and doing things behind your partner's back. If it were me, though, I'd choose to pass up the ...
As odd as it might seem I agree with Miss Cinnamon. I was "given permission" to cheat and have meaningless sex outside of my marriage many years ago. I chose to say no and remain faithful because I just don't feel right 'cheating'.

I don't know what I'd do if I was monogamous and my partner could no longer have sex. I mean I have toys and their brain still available so I don't think I'd be missing so much that I'd HAVE to run out and have sex with someone else. I would miss it, sure, but enough to cheat? I don't think so. I wouldn't want to use someone else as a surrogate for my loved one either. It's just a horrifying situation I hope I never have to face, if I'm totally honest.
08/28/2010
Kindred Kindred
I think there's a lot to think about with this question, but I would have to say no for multiple reason.

First of all, is your partner really giving you permission? They may say it's okay, but in their heart is that what they really believe? They may simply be saying it out of guilt since they are not able to have sex with you.

Secondly, if we're talking about a committed relationship, sex is not a requirement, it's merely icing on the cake. There are many people going through this exact same predicament and have found alternate ways to be intimate with partners.

Personally, even if given permission, I would still feel like I was cheating and wouldn't do it.
08/28/2010
Aly890 Aly890
I kind of agree with the post above, Is your partner really giving you permission? I think the guilt definitely plays a roll in that. Its a generous act on their part but i dont think it's right to accept that offer. i totally agree with it's still cheating..
08/29/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
Here's a conundrum: Say you're in love. But -- and it's a big "but" -- due to health reasons, your partner can no longer engage in many forms of sex with you. And so your partner gives you permission to sleep with other people. ...
Work around it and don't take the easy way out...
08/29/2010
NightNight NightNight
If you felt bad about having sex without them involved, maybe you could keep them involved in some way? They could stay in the room and help or watch or participate.
08/29/2010
Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
Here's a conundrum: Say you're in love. But -- and it's a big "but" -- due to health reasons, your partner can no longer engage in many forms of sex with you. And so your partner gives you permission to sleep with other people. ...
I think in the situation described they can still be at least intimate in other ways, I would rather do that and use toys with my partner, without my partner rather than go outside the relationship. Like kindred said, just because they gave permission it doesn't mean it won't hurt them. I really don't think I could do it, I'd just buy a lot more toys than I do now!! I also would be looking for a doctor that could help my partner because it doesn't seem like a ruptured testicle should cause you pain and distress for the rest of your life...
08/29/2010
Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
I don't know if I could do it.
Me neither... I think I'd feel awful inside. I love my partner.
08/29/2010
DeAnna DeAnna
I might. idk.
09/18/2010
HisLittleGirl HisLittleGirl
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
Here's a conundrum: Say you're in love. But -- and it's a big "but" -- due to health reasons, your partner can no longer engage in many forms of sex with you. And so your partner gives you permission to sleep with other people. ...
I couldn't do it.

I would work around the issues. I mean, if he has health problems he is probably having a worse time than me anyway so I should just suck it up.
09/26/2010
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
No, I just couldn't do it. A commitment to a relationship is a commitment. There are perfectly legitimate ways to pleasure yourself without resorting to using other people just for sex. Plus, I could not risk causing additional pain to the one I love who is already suffering so much.
09/27/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Yes, I would. Sex is important to me and I would not want to live without it. If my partner was giving me full, honest permission then why wouldn't I? For me, sex is not an "added bonus"" in a relationship, it's a very important part of it.

Then again, my relationship is poly so I'd never find myself in this situation.
09/27/2010
Persephone Nightmare Persephone Nightmare
Regardless of whether I was granted permission or not, I couldn't do it. I'm just not wired that way, I can only have sex, kiss, make out, be intimate, etc with someone I love or have feelings for. Since that is and will always *only* be Synthetik, my fiancé, I could not do it.

While, yes, like S,L&L, Sex is *very* important to me, in the end I would manage with what Synthetik was able to do and, of course, with the aid of toys. Besides, even if he gave permission, I know that Synthetik would probably be upset in feeling that he could no longer satisfy me, and therefore felt that he had to have others do it (I've heard that gents take very seriously whether or not they're able to satisfy their ladies). Even if I were wired differently, just knowing that I'd be out, having sex with some other man, while he'd be at home torn up because he couldn't do that for me, I'd feel terrible. And if the situation were reversed, I don't think I could extend that permission to him, and if I did it'd tear me apart, just like it would him.

Now, other people will have differing opinions from mine, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it of course. But that's just how I feel on it .
09/27/2010
UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
Wow what a question. At first I thought no. There is ways that we can still have a sexual and loving connection with each other. But after reading some answers and thinking about the question more I thought what if it was I that could no longer have sex with my partner? I would want them to go out and have some sexual fun. I would feel bad/guilty that they are no longer experience the joys and pleasure of sex. So I think depending on my partner and how I feel, cause we might think and say one thing but once we are in the situation we might do the complete opposite, I think I just might.
09/29/2010
iceman681 iceman681
i would have to say no. there are plenty of places like this wonderful edenfantasys sight to satisfy any issues. really there are tons of people with out a partner that make it work. why couldn't i? also the other would have to be a vegetable to not be able to interact in some way, even if it's just a little tongue action(paralyzed neck down). I am a very sexual person and my wife is not (well this sight has helped improve that) but i still never could consider another.
I've gone 7 months with out due to her surgeries.
09/29/2010
mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
its not ok to sleep with other ppl. even greater reason is that you love this person. there are a lot of ways to please yourself and your partner.
10/01/2010
Kilgorescowboy Kilgorescowboy
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
Here's a conundrum: Say you're in love. But -- and it's a big "but" -- due to health reasons, your partner can no longer engage in many forms of sex with you. And so your partner gives you permission to sleep with other people. ...
i dont believe its okay still cheating, hell if you get permission then what does that say about your partners true feeling for you
05/04/2011
Total posts: 22
Unique posters: 22